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Newest Member: ReasonableDoubt (44577)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Longterm Relapsers
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 8:50 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Probably helpful to compare actual healing to UO's thread about Dry Adultery.

I had stumbled upon that thread and meant to come back to have a look a few weeks ago, but now cannot find it. Does anyone have a link? Thanks.

I really like SI, but must say a search function would be a nice thing! Minor nitpick.

[This message edited by JustDesserts at 8:51 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 9:10 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really like SI, but must say a search function would be a nice thing!
You can copy and paste the URLs to the threads you want to keep track of in your journal.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne

"What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, what if you fly?


Posts: 6123 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Aubrie: Excellent idea. One of these days I'm gonna have to try to have one of those myself!


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
EmotionalFool
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You can copy and paste the URLs to the threads you want to keep track of in your journal.

Or you could bookmark them.


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JustDesserts,
We don't have a search feature mainly to help keep our members as anonymous as possible. Also due to the heavy traffic having a search feature would really put a toll on our servers with hundreds of thousands of lurkers using it.

EmotionalFool,
Although that is a good idea, bookmarking is temporary. Once the post is archived it goes away.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37092 | Registered: Sep 2007
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 2:56 PM, July 11th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@Authentic: Got it. Makes sense. Thanks.


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
DevastatedTwice
♀ Member
Member # 29061
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read the Wayward section a lot. I think I've shared my story here before but this post makes me want to share again......mostly because I don't want any of you to EVER be in my ex-husband's shoes....or your spouse in mine.

My husband had an affair in 2007. It devastated me....and him. We were high school sweethearts and had a very close and unique relationship.....one that people would've never dreamed would end. After a few months he ended the affair and for the next year and a half, he was the model WS. He was totally open and honest. He treated me like like a princess. We had so many conversations about his affair. He would do everything he could to make me feel secure. He was very humble. His heart and actions were so incredibly amazing for that year and a half. He would constantly assure me that he never wanted to be that person again and knew he would never cheat again.

4 1/2 years ago my greatest fear began again. He got involved with another woman, although I didn't know it for 9 months because he was so good at covering his tracks. But the person who cared so much about my heart seemed like he was gone forever. I finally found out and filed for divorce. Right before the divorce was to be final, he ended the affair, left his job, and committed to really working on himself for once. I stalled the divorce. He joined a 12 step group for sexual addiction and began IC. But the whole time he was doing that, he was getting involved with OW #3. We were divorced a year ago, and I still can't believe that the wonderful guy he was to me after his first affair could be gone.

I think my story is rare in that usually when a WS doesn't get the help he/she needs, he doesn't treat his spouse as my did. My warning is that even if you are broken enough to care for your spouse's needs, you still need to do the hard work to figure out why you had an affair in the first place so it won't happen again. My WS was soooooo convinced that he would NEVER do it again. His strong conviction actually convinced me.

Today he sits alone in an apartment. His wife and kids gone. His home, vacation home, nice cars, pool, friends, reputation, everything he loved and cared about is gone.

The crazy part is I still love him. And I know he still loves me. But he won't do the hard work to change his life .

I don't want this to be any of you. Hope this helps. Do the hard work. Figure out the whys. Set strong boundaries. Don't think you are above ever doing it again. Don't think your strong will is enough.

Blessings to you all!

[This message edited by DevastatedTwice at 12:10 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]


Me - BS - 39
Him - WH, SA - 39
Married 17 yrs.
3 kids- 16, 13, 8
Dday#1 - 3/16/07 PA
D-day#2- 9/21/09 PA, began recovery 6/8/10
D-day#3- 11-8-10 False recovery.
D-Day#4- 12/27/11 Third PA, divorcing
Divorced- 6/6/12

Posts: 405 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: California
Topic Posts: 27
Pages: 1 · 2

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