Let's assume that everyone who posts here already knows what the 180 is and how to work it. I know what is, have read it a million times, have tried to implement it at least 4 or 5 times, and have heard the "rules" of the 180 in my head at the immediate moment I was breaking one or more than one rule.
So...I guess I just wanted a living, breathing thread that I can come and check into and post about my 180 and read about others who are doing the same thing. I really love reading about users like Abbondad and seeing how far someone has come once they take the reigns back and get control over themselves and their lives.
So...here is my first post about 180. I'm back on the 180 horse. I'm going to Yoga tonight and the WS is bringing the baby home to me at 8 (I drop the baby off at MIL before work, WS brings the baby home).
Day 1 of getting back on the 180 begins now.
So TAG...you are it. How did you 180 today?
I really love reading about users like Abbondad and seeing how far someone has come once they take the reigns back and get control over themselves and their lives.
Well, I am flattered to be referenced. I guess I am becoming a bit of a legend around these parts (blush-.
My 180 was pretty good today. Just a necessary text regarding the kids' therapy appointment. No talk of the divorce, and certainly no chit chat about "us."
Just information, followed by "OKs" and "Thanks."
I give myself an "A."
How I did today is I lived through another excruciating painful day at work, holding back tears at my desk and ended up texting him for the first time since Saturday night (when I messed up and sent a text that we all miss him, ugh!) about my DD going to the movies instead of visiting him tonight. No reply, as usual, but ok.
As for getting on with my life, I am planning a night out on Friday with some girls from work. If I make it, it will be a miracle but I'm going to try. As for acting happy and carefree, I have definitely not been able to do this. I cannot even hear his voice or see his face without my heart pounding or ending up crying for a week after so I'm avoiding seeing him (hard with 4 children).
For most of the day I kept busy and was feeling less sad and more "empty"...
Then I found out from a girlfriend that he was texting her and saying that our relationship had been "bad for a long time" before he had the A. He NEVER said anything.
So I'm not feeling so 180 Strong at the moment. I want to scream at him and ask him what the hell and tell him that it is so unnecessary for him to be saying ANYTHING to anyone beyond what a jerk he is for cheating on me. Why on earth is he doing that...!
But I have a report due tomorrow, so I'm trying to focus on that instead. Maybe call a different friend or my Mom!
[This message edited by PhantomLimb at 4:05 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]
Then the conversation led to our DS22 who stayed in the marital home with STXWH (back story DS22, has a lot of anger about me moving, he is OCD, ADD and has been off his meds for quite a while ... I didn't allow DS to drink at the house and had rules) ...
STXWH tells me he and DS are getting along great since there are no more restrictions or expectations of him ... I stopped him in his tracks and said, "I have to go, I will just talk to you on Tuesday!" click
In other words STBXWH was making it clear to me how wonderful DS is since I am not there to lay down the law ... STXWH is just letting him drink and be lazy which makes the world a special place for both of them ... It breaks my heart but there is nothing more I can do for DS and his issues and STXWH is letting all the progress he was making disappear so they can be content "roommates!
Okay enough of my vent ... But I surly applied the 180
[This message edited by Ann124 at 4:14 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]
NC works. It gives you time and space to detach. It untangles you from the crazy and it also means you don't give yourself further regret. I don't regret anything I've ever said to him - I regret saying it to him. Giving him any more of my emotion.
Stay strong everyone. NC is key to your healing.
[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 6:29 PM, July 10th (Wednesday)]
This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man, ~ Shakespeare
I told WH I couldn't believe that just once he could have done the hard work of telling his parents. Just prior to this WH asked me what he should tell his dad. I said "the truth". Well, we can't do that now can we? That would be like.... talking. WH is extremely passive and a conflict avoider.
Last night, I got home, fixed me a drink, watched some TV, got a small bite to eat, took a shower, then went to DS room (DS15 is at camp this week) and watched a little more TV then turned out the light and went to sleep with my dogs.
WH was busy outside then came in expecting to see food. I didn't make him anything to eat. WH was sad.
I love the 180, it's so refreshing.
I got home and took care of the dogs. Then came here on SI and was reading your posts when WS came home with the baby. It's so funny but I felt like he was interrupting me and I couldn't wait for him to leave so I could go back to my reading and relaxing. I was happy as a clam when I answered the door. He talked to me about the baby and I said, ok, thank you, bye.
That's it...then I went to bed and read some more posts on SI. Today is going to be a good day.
The 180 is about our new life and how fabulous it is going to be no matter who is sharing it with us.
The feeling is mutual. Do you know how hard it is for me to keep my thoughts in my head? I don't know how you found the strength to go NC and stay NC after a decade long marriage. I feel like we were both blindsided by the out of the blue viciousness, blame shifting, justifications...etc.
You stood up and said NO! I stood up, sat down, said everything in my head, ripped him a new asshole, begged him to stay, kicked him out, made him dinners, went for walks, yelled some more, went to counseling, had sex with him, asked him to take me out like the old days (needed this being a new mom and all), told him I was leaving a million times, never left, and still sent text messages as of two days ago. The best thing I ever did was kick him out and never let him move back home. I think there is something bittersweet about sleeping in the bed alone all this time. In one way it makes me sad, on the other hand, I don't have a 180lb unremorseful jerk sleeping next to me every night. If I cry, I cry alone.
So lady, you are my hero! BTW, what kind of a loser lets girls like us go?
[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 9:47 AM, July 11th (Thursday)]
One day at a time my friend...one day at a time. Some days I feel like a huge failure and some days I feel like I'm doing good.
What did you do for yourself this week when you were feeling down? Are you doing anything this weekend? Do you have plans with friends or family? What are you going to do for you?
I had been doing exactly what you are doing. I would constantly rethink my decision everyday. But, I have to keep telling myself that I deserve better. It's one day at a time. I get thoughts of backing out, changing my mind, then have to tell myself, NO WAY! I'm strong and me and DS deserve better.
It's the only way to go until the judge signs.
Happy 180 everyone!
I realized yesterday that NC=No New Hurts is true, but that doesn't mean the same old hurts aren't still there and swirling through my head.
I also called and refilled my AD meds. I've been off of them for at least a month and I can tell there is a difference.
Anyway...this 180 is hard but it's for me. I am still on the roller coaster...but I don't have a WS watching me go up and down and up and down.
Hopefully it gets better and gets easier.
I still feel like if he started to show the slightest bit of kindness or interest that I'd be off the 180 and jump at the chance for any kind of Reconciliation.
I have my weekend planned and I hope all of this 180ing pays off in the long run and I can remain strong.
Don't worry--I absolutely won't give in to the impulse and really have left these pointless behaviors behind--but would like some advice on how to work through these internal moments.
I hate this rapid cycling; only twenty four hours ago I felt good, then this comes on with seemingly no conscious trigger.
Sorry, I hadn't read some of the more recent posts to this thread. These are helpful.
[This message edited by Abbondad at 12:35 PM, July 12th (Friday)]