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Newest Member: 4hazel (45322)

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User Topic: another BS where WH works
wifeno2
♀ Member
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 6:27 AM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yet another officer had an A with one of the analysts. Now that analyst has attempted suicide and apparently this is how the A was discovered. I'm not even sure how many officers have now been caught cheating but I know that many of them have been with the same few analysts. WH gets so mad at me when I tell him I believe the work environment isn't marriage safe. That for whatever reason that particular area he works in the culture has somehow allowed, fostered or encouraged infidelity. (He says I am saying that the department is "bad" and not doing good work. Gotta love black and white thinking)

I wish I knew the wife better. I have met her, she is sweet and beautiful. The analyst was definitely an affair down. I am actually better acquainted with the WH. And I am very surprised that he would cheat on his wife. I hope that they find SI-especially the BW.


Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 12:42 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says I am saying that the department is "bad" and not doing good work. Gotta love black and white thinking

Hmm. Well considering that instead of working they're having affairs...? Sounds like a lot of people in his department have really crap boundaries. Work is not for dating prospects, especially if you have a family at home. While it's the individuals' responsibilities to have better boundaries, the HR department could sure try harder to discourage this kind of thing. Even if it's from a technically "work productivity" perspective rather than a personal one.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
Lovedyoumore
♀ Member
Member # 35593
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HR departments that require signed acknowledgements that the anti fraternization rules are known and understood still have employees that date and cheat with each other. Why would a cheater who ignores a vow to a spouse before God even care what HR requires?

The work place has always been the hot bed of cheating. But, with the everything goes, do what feels good generation, boundaries are nearly non existent. Now the non cheating, strong boundary people are considered freaks or are being controlled by a non trusting spouse. How many men are taunted by a future OW that a refusal to have an innocent lunch means the H is being controlled by an suspicious wife?

It does not matter where you work, even in a church. Infidelity is only a yes away.


Me 52
WH 52
Married 30+ years
Together trying to R

I tell people I am tired but really my heart is broken and I am sad.


Posts: 1526 | Registered: May 2012 | From: Southern, bless your heart
silverhopes
♀ Member
Member # 32753
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

True, HR couldn't prevent affairs. People will poor boundaries will have them no matter where they go. But maybe HR could frown on them more explicitly. Even if it doesn't prevent affairs, it sort of diffuses the "anything goes" environment that some workplaces can promote.


Find peace. Or sleep on it.
Sometimes my monkeys, sometimes my circus.
Infidelities are like icebergs - they may take many different shapes and sizes, but they all damage your ship.

Posts: 3905 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: California
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe you could call her and recommend SI?


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7673 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
wifeno2
♀ Member
Member # 31529
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, July 12th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to call her because I don't know her. But I did send a message very indirectly.

And I agree that A's happen everywhere. And work is a hotbed. But I do wish the culture there would be a little less tolerant...And that takes more than just leadership, it would have to be a change among all the officers, admin staff etc.


Me-BW (45)
Him-WS (42)
DS 19 (prior relationship)
DS-8
DDay #1- 10/22/2010 EA/PA with MOW coworker
Dday#2:11/17/2010 beginning secret emails with potential OW#2
DDay #3 11/22/2010 still seeing OW#1
Too many DD's to count: Now up to OW #6.

Posts: 696 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: the south
Topic Posts: 6

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