Love is a Verb.
When he joined, I told him that anything I posted in Recon, OT, or F&G was fair game, but General was definitely "Read at own risk". I refused to censor myself. If something I posted upset him, we talked about it and those were some very constructive conversations.
Early on, we agreed not to post on each other's threads, but we relaxed that. He has t posted in a long time, and that's okay. This is much more my element than his. He still reads regularly and we discuss threads.
I am quite certain we couldn't have reconciled if he had not joined. FRM, TG and HL, AN, Aubrie and Fallen, along with the rest of the wayward forum, helped him pull his head out of his ass, and I will be forever grateful.
he can join another infedelity site...just not this one.
SI is sacred to me!!!
I don't go on WS, and originally W just stayed there. But then I mentioned something on G that was relevant..., and then I mentioned SPF.... W started going into G & R & F&G. And then she saw a post that she recognized as mine....
Now our agreement exactly matches doesitgetbetter's. (See, great minds do think alike.) Since we don't read each other's threads, the inhibition factor is minor.
BUT - BUT - BUT - we are solidly committed to R, and neither of us has slacked off doing the work. SI helps both of us. OTOH, I've met some very nice people at g2gs who have been hurt by their unremorseful WSes who have joined SI. So if you're on SI secretly, be very careful about inviting your WS to join.
(Of course, if your WS wants to do damage and knows about SI, your WS will probably be able to find you anyway.)
[This message edited by sisoon at 3:22 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]
Do not back up. Severe tire damage.
Being very, very careful
D-day 14 June 2013
I'm smart, good looking and gosh darn it, people like me!
But from reading the forum for over 7 years now, it is my opinion that while it seems to work well for some couples, just as many end up regretting inviting their spouse on. Just my two cents.
We have discussed threads that are relevant to us and if I read something I feel we should discuss I will mention it to see what his opinion is.
We have no rules about reading each others posts. We rarely comment on each others post just out of respect but no rule there either.
Even though I post more she reads just as much as I do. We talk about all of you regularly
Things like: what do you think of this, what would you have done in that situation, I feel this way too.
It has really helped us. There is so much shared experience and empathy here. I don't know where we would be without it.
"Knowing is half the battle"
Expecting progress not perfection