If you think she may have had a pregnancy scare with him, decide for yourself that she did. Now do what you need to do to get by it. Think he might have been in your house? Clean, paint, redo, move. Etc.
You know you can't get the answers you are looking for, so make your decisions, and find your way through it.
WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.
Did you go to any IC? It does trouble me a bit that you are still so obsessed this far out, so professional help might be what you need.
I don't care to know any additional details. It's something that happened to me, but it does not define me, and I refused to let it impact the rest of my life.
Focus on YOU, your present, and your future. Not on her or your past. Indifference is the goal, and it's a fabulous place to be.
Married: 11 years, no kids
The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. -Michelangelo
Then I realised that I already knew enough to make my decision here.
These thoughts still pop up now sometimes - like little vicious "Aha!" moments that creep up on me. Whenever I wonder about some fuckery I think he pulled my answer is always "Probably. What a fuckwit, seriously".
She probably did do all of those things and a whole lot more you will never know about. Probably is a good place to be because I can tell you she definitely will not ever give you the truth.
Rather than wondering about the black black hole that is her I would recommend you examine why you are feeling this way and try to work out how you can get yourself through it.
This kind of stuff is a form of self-harm IMO. We can get stuck between the twin evils of either torturing ourselves playing these scenarios out in our minds over and over again OR torturing ourselves with the hope that "No - she/he wouldn't do THAT". Yes they would. They did. They would still be doing it if we let them.
As I said what I do know is enough for me to make my decision here.
[This message edited by StrongButBroken at 9:06 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]