Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Low MiL tolerance
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIL is here for a visit. Thankfully only a day.

Tame compared to other times, but irritating. She keeps trying to do things that would take my place. Like go into the kitchen to cook breakfast. MrH told her no thanks, if he needed help (he usually does Saturday breakfasts) his wife would help.

Then they went out and got lunch but were short a box of fries. She wanted MrH to share hers. Again, he said his wife was sharing them.

It may not seem like much, but she has issues where she competes with me. Down to dressing like me.

What got me the most though was when she talked to my son, she refers to me as "Holly" but MrH as "Daddy."

I find that as I have gotten healthier and have out up with too much crap in my M, I am less inclined to put up with extra crap from the ILs.

When she directly addresses me, I've basically been doing what she always does when I try to talk to her...I pretend I don't hear anything.

It seems to irritate her.

ETA: FIL has invited himself up for a week, it was supposed to be today but it got put off because of the MIL visit. So there will be more posts like this I'm guessing.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 1:08 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My MIL lives up the street. She means well, but is a busy body. Also, her relationship with my H has always been rocky (she is nit-picky and condescending). I hate when she just 'drops-by' for a visit. My H assures me that is just how his family is - no one cares if you just show up unannounced. It irritates me. A quick text is all it would take so I could at least be sure I'm dressed. Anyway. I'm with you. I just ignore most of what she says and both of our lives are much more enjoyable because of it.

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jan 2013
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can SO relate to general MIL irritation!

My patience for her antics wore off years ago and I can barely tolerate her presence. I refer to her as the Queen of Sheba because she thinks the world should revolve around her. POS is never honest with her and says whatever he thinks she wants to hear. I, on the other hand, am brutally honest with her (but always respectful) and she absolutely hates it. She doesn't want honesty, only lip service, and loves the fact that POS is willing to play that game.

I don't play that game so she doesn't want to be around me. It's a win-win for me!!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,18 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1199 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MLM- so you live near the Barones? I always watched that show and thought I couldn't live that close to any IL! I so feel for you!

Some of MrH's family live all on the same street and they used to tell us we would get tired of living away from "home". Sorry, I'm a mil brat, that's not my home. MrH is glad to be away from their gang of dysfunction too, thankfully.

Phoenix- I have to give MrH props. In the past year or so he's worked on boundaries with his parents. That's why he kept telling his mom he could get what he needed from his wife, not her.

MIL isn't self centered like yours I suppose, just has improper attachment issues. Something that I have read is called emotional incest. Attaching to your child emotionally like you would a spouse. When we studied mother/son bonding in my abuse recovery group, the leader kept asking if any of the descriptions of that sounded familiar. She had heard stories of MIL and I believe had a good idea where the M attachment problems with MrH had some roots.

This is my first time ignoring her. Every nerve tells me to interact. That I'm being rude. I shouldn't treat someone like this. But I really am at a loss of how to cope withher otherwise. She engages when she wants and then ignores. It irritates the heck out of DD and she's only 8yo...but she can see it. I have a smart girl.

[This message edited by Holly-Isis at 2:07 PM, July 13th (Saturday)]


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We pretty much all live on the same hill (one street). My H's grandmother lives next door. His sister lives across the street. And his parents 2 doors up. It's nice when something happens (esp since my H works out of town so much and my family is all out of state) or for get-togethers, because no one has far to go. Getting privacy is somewhat harder. Though, they don't visit me as much as they do each other (sometimes 3 or 4 times a day).

Posts: 1109 | Registered: Jan 2013
Mama_of_3_Kids
♀ Member
Member # 26651
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, July 13th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I *so* understand! If I had it my way we would be outta this town b/c of the IL's


Me: FBW/30 Him: FWH/33 The kidlets: DS13, DS10, and DD8 The hounds: Four Shih Tzu's
Finally, completely R'd
Clothed in strength and dignity, with nothing to fear, she smiles when she thinks about the future.~Proverbs 31:25

Posts: 11586 | Registered: Dec 2009
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mo3K- I agreed to move to HI at one point and a big deciding factor was the rest of the continent and an ocean between the ILs and myself.

The visit ended. I gave MrH kudos for stepping in at times, he's really grown with that. He said I "traded barbs" but can't name any. I think he's still in denial about how his mom talks to me and tried to mitigate it by telling himself I gave too. The only thing he could point out is I rolled my eyes and she saw it. Immature, yes. Barb- no.

I told him that I didn't appreciate being told I said things that were disrespectful when I didn't. I was raised as a mil brat and respect for our elders is trained into most of us. This is why it's been so hard for me to deal with his family. I'm bound to respectful actions while they are not.

The most disrespectful thing I did was disengage. It's taken 22 years to get to that point, but early on in the morning (she got here at 630) I decided I might as well, since she didn't listen anyhow. She talks over you.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11229 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided I might as well, since she didn't listen anyhow. She talks over you.
My XMIL would do this too. I found that she didn't even notice when I ignored her - she was too busy listening to the sound of her own voice.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 8

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.