Result? The A never stopped.
Even when I did tell him, he did not believe me....
Only several more years and other evidence proved me right....
After that, she lost everything, but I'm still fighting to save my marriage 6 years down the road.
My only regret?
I didn't kick him to the curb immediately.
Think about how long you want to keep fighting this.
Is she REALLY worth it?
Also praying for your strength and wisdom - it's going to suck - but it is the right thing to do for the other BS.
I will be sending you strength to do what, unfortunately, needs to be done.
Although it will, probably, devastate her, it may also answer many questions she has had, confirm her suspicions, shed light on his blame-shifting. We all remember how it was before DDay.
You may also be giving her her life back!
Good luck. You are doing the right thing.
It takes all kinds of kinds....Miranda Lambert
That was another HUGE red flag I missed. But he was trying to get me to think this guy is crazy and I should stay away from him and that he would only be misunderstood and tell me lies, etc..
Just sayin, no doubt he is doing this to his wife, so she may not be receptive to you at first.. I would DEFINITELY bring evidence. Maybe even make copies so that you can leave them with her if she doesn't want to talk to you right away. You just don't want him being able to bend the truth and sneak his way out of this.. Perhaps a Facebook message to start would be appropriate, letting her know the situation and give her some proof and let her know that you have more proof and would like to share it with her.. Something along those lines so that you don't scare her by just showing up at her house..
Good luck.. I'm glad you are doing the right thing. Hugs..
[This message edited by ButterflyGirl at 9:49 PM, July 15th (Monday)]
Why did you not tell her? Especially when you thought she suspected something? I don't know that you have to answer that question to me, but I'm sure she will want to know why..
I definitely agree that you've kept this secret for far too long. More hugs and lots of good luck to you. I'm sure this won't be easy for either of you, but it should be done..
Perhaps I'm extra affected by this post as my STBX and I were very good friends with a couple and their daughter, and my STBX admitted that the husband knew about the affair while it was happening (for about a year and a half). It stung very badly as he was supposedly my friend, and of course I am not friends with them anymore.. But then again, he never really apologized for it, and my STBX is lucky to have one mutual friend left as all the others have shunned him..
Once I realized, I still felt that I was ultimately to blame. Still do, in a sense.
You are in NO WAY to blame for the affair or its continuance, but I do think you had a responsibility to tell the BW. It sort of made you an accomplice in her eyes, if you know what I mean.. But you are doing the right thing now, and that's the important thing..
Having this out in the open is going to be very damaging in a number of ways.
I think most people change when staying the same is worse than their fears of the unknown. Staying the same is unacceptable in this situation with them continuing to take it underground and having you continue to cover the tracks. I think most of the damage has been done already, and you are on the correct path for healing now..