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Newest Member: Doubleblame (44588)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I can't complain anymore
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's been a year and a half. I see OW1 at pool. There is nothing I can do. If I am working on recovery I just have to accept that this is my life. But it makes me want to pull my hair out. I see the woman he made out with, who knew about me but i didnt know about her, who knew about my chikdren and life, half naked.
I tell fWH and he tells me he's sorry for my pain. What else is there really to do/say....
Except that I maintain it was enough that it happened. I should NEVER have to see them again.

[This message edited by rachelc at 6:07 PM, July 14th (Sunday)]


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4688 | Registered: Dec 2010
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not be able to stomach that at all. As it is, I can hardly go to places she and I went to together (as my pretend friend). Even though the likelihood of her being there is almost nil.


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 6:44 PM, July 14th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I shouldn't be struggling with acceptance this far out. There should be a game plan in place, a commitment to something other than limbo, where I'm at. I just can't do it yet.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4688 | Registered: Dec 2010
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During our bigger separation, one thing I worked on a lot was the idea that: if the day is not going the way I'd like, do something (anything!) to change it. It is a hard concept to hold on to, especially where there is routine or 'have to' in place.
Is there anything you can do to change that situation. I completely understand being in limbo and wanting a plan but there are moments where the plan can be nothing more or less than short term and all about us...not them.
I'm so sorry you are in this and experiencing such a hard thing constantly.
Again, what can you do to change this? Or at least minimize it?


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
BeautifulEmpty
♀ Member
Member # 38763
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh and first, I'm not sure who told you you should be in a solid state of acceptance by now but you will heal on your own schedule. Acceptance is part of healing.
Secondly, you are being faced with something that makes it very hard to do this by any 'normal' timeline. Please cut yourself a bit of slack there.
You've been handed a shit sandwich...they are exceedingly hard to choke down:/ Even under the best and least complicated of circumstances. (((Hugs)))


Me: 42 BS
Him: 38 ws
Ow: 44 head case, no obs
5 DD's: 21, 18, 17, 15, 10
Last D-day: August 2012 with lots of very blurry lines.

Posts: 242 | Registered: Mar 2013 | From: Washington State
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a year and a half rachelc?
At a year and a half I would likely have jumped over a table and punched an OW in the face! Still might if I ever encounter one of them! (3+ years here).... there is no right or wrong way to feel... feelings are feelings here and you do not have to accept that this is the way things will always be... as you get further away things will get better, but you have not been in recovery that long yet.

Posts: 1177 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone. My friend, who I was with, didn't know. I texted her later what had occurred. She told me I handled myself well and with class. Really, they're not worth getting my hands dirty, but it did wreck my night.
I'm worth more than having any part of my day wrecked. I do not have a handle on those feelings yet and may not ever. I told hubby last night that if I ever saw them both the same day that I am fucking out of here.

[This message edited by rachelc at 2:06 PM, July 15th (Monday)]


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4688 | Registered: Dec 2010
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had to incur the same chance meetings while we lived in the same town. We did move 5 years after it all!! Thank God I was so worried I would loose it on one of them. I always smiled and acted happy never ever let them see me otherwise!

Now I look at them and truly wonder if they get what they did to their own families. To themselves?? I bet not.
They just are selfish hateful people and I never want to be like them ever!!

So you stand strong and brave girl!! We are here for you to vent to. Oh and put that house on the market and sale it!! Get out of there. MOVE!! It was the best thing for me and my family. It was hard leaving the town we both had grew up in and I had dreamed of my children gradauting from the same high school etc. etc.
But we moved and we had a great life raising the kids without me being all torn up all the time You are important you shouldn't have to see them on a daily basis. Make a plan so that shouldn't happen if it means moving then move. Best thing I ever did!


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3186 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 3:22 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We could move if I pushed the issue... not sure I have the energy.
I want him to take me in his arms and say, "RachelC, let's get you out of here."


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4688 | Registered: Dec 2010
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seeing them is very difficult no matter how far into recovery you are!! Hold your head high and know that you would never stoop to their skanky pathetic level!!! They are the scum of the earth!!!


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are doing fine. I am coming up on 2 yrs and the only time I saw her was when we "talked" (big mistake)

I honestly don't know what I will do when I see her, so you are doing excellent.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 997 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 5:55 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I resent this is something i have to "do." After all I've been through, there should be nothing else I have to withstand. The stuff in the past is bad enough...
Same with him.


his Ddays: 2/10, 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me: 48
him: 52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

Me: I didn't sign up for this.
Him: you're already in this. All you can do is resign...


Posts: 4688 | Registered: Dec 2010
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 6:48 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Garnet,

Please note the Reconciliation forum guidelines:

There is to be no venting about or name calling the OP in this forum.

Thank you.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37099 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 13

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