Many of these pieces of advice I have done. Some I am still working on, even though I don't always have the courage.
I had to be almost hit on the head with a bat several times to come out of a fog that the shock put me in. I defended, protected, chased, ignored, flattered, overdressed and so much more for a man who was, in his own mind, long gone.
It's been a lesson for me and now even though I suffer withdrawal among other things, I am getting some pride back. I finally manage a hard 180, so much so that he asked recently, "Is your phone broken?"
FWIW, he seems to notice far more my absence than my presence and so I will put up with this pain and keep going.
Although he was the one to leave, I was the one to file, because he is simply too cowardly to face life's realities.
I don't have a lot of advice but am always glad to share the story of my painful journey and will say that you sound a lot like I used to. I walked on pins and needles for a time, thinking if I didn't upset him as often as I could, it would win him back. Nothing did...nothing did.
Now we are fully in the divorce process, each spending money we don't have, each with different versions of our life of 20 years. It's pretty shocking to hear how he's painted our life, twisted it and made every problem-or supposed problem-my fault.
It's amazing to me that I was the one pegged as anxious, yet he is the one who cannot face reality. When I put the foot down, out the door he went.
Yes, I walked on the eggshells you wrote about for a long time and I did things that went against my entire being to try to "save" my family and marriage. It didn't work.
Once he had a taste of "other things", he decided he was done, but not going to tell me. So I sat for an entire year in purgatory and hope this won't be the case for you.
It is a lot of realization that we need to arrive at and some of it we have to decide ourselves-it took getting severely hurt even after, for me to get the message.
I wish you well on this journey, D1612, and hope that things will work out the way you want them to.
Something a friend talked about a lot while I lived in purgatory was respect. She craved respect she felt was lost with what her WH did to their family and I have that feeling, too.
I'm sorry that she is not being respectful of you and will wish that she may come around. The longer she remains with him, though, the longer I would be worried.
Have you tried 180'ing, just to see? I find the longer I do it, the more contact I get sometimes, but as time goes on, I don't want to hear from him. Pretty weird.Ashland 13
The only thing that stays the same, is change. -M. Etheridge