I took the time to read your profile and all your posts before replying.
Are you in Individual Therapy? Are you and you WS in Marriage Counseling?
I find a couple of things about your husband Affair "attitude" interesting:
--That he's commented, "Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater."
--That he's disclosed his affair to friends, family members, etc.....Because he says he wants ACCOUNTABILITY."
YET: He refuses to accept enough responsibility for his cheating, and the pain he's caused you to even sit down a READ A BOOK...So, you're required to read the book "Not Just Friends" and then tell him what you've read...SO, he can or cannot discuss it with you.
This doesn't indicate to me - that you WS is doing HIS PART to work towards marriage reconciliation.
Can I ask:
WHAT EXACTLY is your WS doing to help you heal from the destruction he's caused you and your marriage?
You husband must understand: This marrige reconciliation requires the HARD WORK both marrriage partners...not just you!
He also needs to understand, everything is not "just about him."
Personally I'd be highly offended if my husband dared to state: "He's held me at arms length emotionally for 16 years because he was so afraid he might get hurt;" ....YET, he'd turn around and destroy me mentally and emotionally by have TWO AFFAIRS?
Give me a break!
Your D-Day was recent - So, your husband has a lot of damage to FIX - damage he caused.
I'd suggest: Your husband needs to STOP thinking about what "might be easier" and start figuring how how he's going to FIX this MESS he's made -- and how he's going to help you to heal.
I'm sincerely sorry for the pain and turmoil you're going through.
Me BS 59
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now
I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.