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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Kids and the new SO
pointmagnet
♂ Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow I had a turn of events today that was certainly not expected...

I'm having a stressful time at work... Lots of phone calls, lots of distractions...

My friend and I share texts through the day usually - just how's your day going, what's the weather like, etc...

For some reason today I was being my usual mid-day polite yet not passionate self and it triggered something in her to indicate that I don't understand what a woman needs. (and to be honest with you, after today, I obviously don't know what the hell a woman needs from 2500 miles away at high noon.)

And after a reasonably pleasant exchange this evening I said I had to go eat dinner (my son had prepared a nice homemade pizza) and all of a sudden I am cold and non feeling... (which may be accurate but I was just trying to get away from the damn cell phone and interact with the people that are 25 feet away, not 2500 miles away...)

So now she says that I need some space (not her) and no contact until I am back down in the Caribbean next week.

Once again (honestly), that's fine with me because I hate cell phones now more than ever and I don't want to pay a fucking bill for arguing anyway...

I give up.


Me (BS): 53
Her (WW): 51
Married: A long time
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Done

Posts: 474 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((pm)))

Just out of curiosity, whose idea was it that you pay the cell phone bill? How did that start happening exactly?

Today's events would be a big red flag were I in your shoes. Either of incompatibility between the two of you or of manipulation on her part. It sounds like she is making some pretty high demands of you - choose her over your son, prioritize her over your job, etc. Texting throughout the day is a great, whether in LDR or otherwise, but it shouldn't be your primary form of communication, and it should be understood that it's not your focus. If you're texting, you're probably both doing something else at the same time (like working...or is that just me? ), and that you might need to go quiet at any time if that other thing requires your attention.

Do you have a dedicated time for really connecting? Talking on the phone or skype? Having each other's undivided attention on a regular basis, whether nightly or weekly or whatever works for you?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
pointmagnet
♂ Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The cell phone thing was my idea... 60 bucks a month is pretty insignificant compared to the cash I dole out to my WW every month...

And I am starting to think that the two worlds my friend and I live in are just way too different.

She has no internet at her house. In fact, she has no indoor toilet... (an issue my grandfather took care of about 100 years ago on the farm in Wisconsin!)

And she wants me to drop everything and text madly with her on a moment's notice??? To be honest, that is ridiculous. My work requires attention to the customer's needs during normal work hours, not my girlfriend's needs! Honestly, how can someone not understand that??? (my WW had that issue too :/)

Whatever happens, I will fill everyone in here, because this is apparently a pretty good story so far. I head down to the Caribbean next Monday, so by Wednesday it should either be completely over or maybe on the mend.

Who knows.

edit: Oh and by the way, things with my kids are pretty much just fine because I have shut my mouth about my love life (or lack thereof) and they like that! So we're cool there.

[This message edited by pointmagnet at 10:59 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


Me (BS): 53
Her (WW): 51
Married: A long time
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Done

Posts: 474 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So now she says that I need some space (not her) and no contact until I am back down in the Caribbean next week.

I find this to be a manipulative tactic as well. Don't fall for it PM.


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13769 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
cissi
♀ Member
Member # 21737
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just spent the last hour thinking of nothing but your situation. I see nothing good coming out of this. I think you should do some Internet research on these sorts of scams, because try as I might, I can't see this as anything other than that.

What I see happening is she might come over here for 3 months - no sex of course because she has that moral thing going on - except for the last day or so of her trip. That's the bait.

I don't know if she is planning on really moving where you are, but I don't think she is. I think you will eventually starting getting sad, sad stories about her financial situation and you will start sending her money (if you haven't already), and, of course, you will feel obligated to help because she did in fact have that sex with you, which means she definitely wants to be in a marriage with you (that moral thing again).

She is going to suck you dry.

On the other hand, maybe she will move here. Maybe she will treat you well for the rest of your lives together. I'd say there is probably a 1% chance of that.

If you are serious about this woman, I would definitely get a PI on her where she lives. What is the worst that could happen from that? You either find out she is the real deal, or you find out she is not.

Again, please do some research on this sort of thing. You sound like too nice a guy to have something like this happen to you.

Oh, and the little incident you had with her over texting? I think it will lead up to her not wanting you to come to her country next week - maybe something else is going on with her then, perhaps a different American is coming at the same time.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, really I am. It's the world we live in now, though, and a person needs to be on their game at all times. It sounds like you have had enough grief in your life already.


Posts: 1417 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Southern California
wonderingbull
♂ Member
Member # 14833
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PM...

I've done quite a bit of traveling to the islands and to central america...

My buddies and I have mingled with the local women with my buddies "picking up" dates as such...

Let me tell you... My buddies spoil these women with good food, good drinks and good times... Things they don't get normally because of their socioeconomic status...

These guys come back to the states and the women are highly skilled at trying to reel these guys in with needing "help"... Be it a cellphone payment... Medical bills...(add endless neediness here)

One guy even bought a computer, iphone and a boob job for one woman...

Just my opinion based on seeing dozens and dozens of these third world country intereactions is... She's playing you...

As soon as she senses she's loosing your attention she'll yank your chain... Such as the texting... Don't worry, she won't just drop your ass unless she's got an eager newcomer...

This is the way it works... They chum the water... Pick a likely target... Get treated in ways they can't afford... See if she can work the system to "escape" from her third world existence...

Dude, I've laughed so many times at my buddies who fell for the schtick... It's always cost them money....

One buddy forwarded an e-mail from a woman he wined and dined in Costa Rica that was asking for money for her poor daughter....

He simply wrote back...

Rent must be due in Tamarindo huh girl?

Sounds like you can afford the fun but take it for what it is... Company when you're out on a beautiful island... Don't let the land shark eat your wallet...

You could be any guy to her, as long as you're a potential ticket out...

JMHO

WB


The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time...

James Taylor


Posts: 5976 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: A better place
Hopeful Lady
♀ Member
Member # 30441
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PM, I don't know if she's being manipulative or not. The no sex issue is not necessarily manipulation- in some cultures no sex outside marriage is the norm and those that may push that norm might at least wait until they are engaged. So I don't see that as a problem. The cellphone bill is troubling but her reactions today sound most odd.

She may be a wonderful person...or not. We don't know but until you know for sure, I would just take it slow and get to know her and more about her not just from your direct interactions with her but also from others who have known her longer. If you can get a PI to find some info on her even better.

Being in a miserable marriage for a long time is draining and I understand your need to feel desirable again. If I was starting to date before divorce was finalized and I'd had some time on my own to sort out my own self, I would be taking in VERY slowly. If someone is right for you they will understand.


Posts: 112 | Registered: Dec 2010
hurtinky
♀ Member
Member # 26152
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She may not be looking for a one way trip to the USA, but one thing is certain; she's a demanding brat.

The gotta go dancing thing, now this bit of unreasonableness. Clearly she's into getting her way.

If you continue to see her, expect it to get worse. She's figured out that you are mesmerized by her beauty and she's working it, because she's like that.


Me --> BS
D-Day 10-1988
D-Day 9-12-2005
S 9-13-2005
D 3-6-12



Posts: 1500 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: Kentucky
pointmagnet
♂ Member
Member # 16565
Default  Posted: 2:54 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow you guys turned out to be pretty correct...

My friend has been very moody of late and last night she hits me with "if you were a real man, you'd just give me money for my expenses because you know I need it."

i.e. "If you just bailed me out, I wouldn't need to have an adult discussion with you about why I quit my job(s) and now am pretty much destitute except for the little shack I live in..."

And then she basically said good bye, with a couple of follow-up texts later about how I need to man-up and live my own life for once...

You guys were so right.. :(

But on the plus side, she bled me for less in 9 months knowing her than my WW will in one month after the spousal support order goes through!

So live and learn I suppose.

[This message edited by pointmagnet at 3:01 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)]


Me (BS): 53
Her (WW): 51
Married: A long time
Children: Three of them
D-Day: 10/07/07; 12/15/12
Status: Done

Posts: 474 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: USA
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Live and learn pm - at least you figured it out before you were in deeper than a cell bill.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4561 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My personal feelings is that you are a grown adult who is entitled to make his own mistakes with his money. Your son and daughter-in-law have been getting an awful lot out of living with you (Jeez, they even get the master bedroom- rent free...). Whether or not this woman was using you for your money is up to you and it's really your problem. But they shouldn't be able to make decisions like that for you and given that you let both your son and your DIL live in your home doesn't make them the rulers of it. If you wanted to bring the woman for a visit, that should have been your decision. Let them move out. You're already footing the bill so it's not like you'd be losing much.

My bet, though, is that they'd have just dealt with it. Even a 26-year-old knows a cushy good deal when he's got one and boy have you given him one...

And just because that particular woman turned out to be about money, doesn't mean you won't have this same issue the next time you meet somebody. If I were you, I'd sit down and have a chat with my son about ultimatums and the fact that you are an adult and will be making your own decisions whether he likes it or not.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 3:16 PM, August 3rd (Saturday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4102 | Registered: Sep 2005
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And then she basically said good bye, with a couple of follow-up texts later about how I need to man-up and live my own life for once

I hope you've blocked her number and email Pointmagnet.


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13769 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, August 3rd (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you've gone ahead and cut off the cell phone!

Sorry it had to end this way. For your sake, I was hoping we were all wrong. But good job keeping your own healthy boundaries and knowing that you deserve better!


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
Topic Posts: 53
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