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Newest Member: sleeplesssound (44620)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Been about three weeks..
Lindy
New Member
Member # 39823
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just found out that my wife had a brief affair 8-9 months ago. You all know what I'm going through.... I've decided to forgive her. She confessed in tears and we have been seeing a marriage counselor for a couple of weeks already which is helping a lot. I'm doing a lot better than I was a couple of weeks ago and I am able to live my life and be ok.. Of course it still really hurts.. We live together and have been getting along really well so far actually. My problem is that I don't want to be a needy, depressed person around her but sometimes that's how I feel. I just don't want our relationship to get worse as I have decided to forgive her. I've read about the 180, which seems like the way to go. I believe that true love conquers all and we truly do love each other. Despite this major major speed bump I really wan't our relationship to be even better than it was before..

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to SI, Lindy.

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, but I'm glad you found us.

I don't want to be a needy, depressed person around her but sometimes that's how I feel.

We've all felt that way, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about having hurt and confused feelings here.

You also shouldn't be a doormat for someone to keep them in your life. I'm not saying you're doing that, it's just that the doormat metaphor is a good litmus test for whether we are trying to meet someone in the middle or compromising what we deserve in a relationship to keep someone from leaving.

There's a great chance that your relationship can be better than it was before - if she does some hard, soul searching work on herself and the two of you work together to build a new foundation of trust and communication. I hope this is where your path leads.


If you can't learn to enjoy your life when you have problems, you may never enjoy it because we'll always have problems. - Joyce Meyer

Posts: 16861 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Lindy, Welcome.

I dont know that you should hide your feelings from her. Neediness is definitely bad, but depression is going to be a natural emotion for you upon occasion. She has to be able to see what she has done to you emotionally so she does not ever do it again. Others will be along with better advice than I. Glad to hear things are going fairly well for you in this situation.


Posts: 543 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
Lindy
New Member
Member # 39823
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the replies guys. It is helpful to know that there is support and I get to vent a little (or a lot) and someone out there is listening. As far as the doormat thing is concerned. Sometimes that's how I feel. Not so she doesn't leave me but I'm just trying to keep peace within the house so there is less tension. Believe me, I could blow up and pull a fit and as much as I want to sometimes I know it would be detrimental. We are seeing a counselor so I do have an outlet where I can express my thoughts and emotions. It's just tough right now..

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
circleoflife
♀ New Member
Member # 39702
Default  Posted: 7:39 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Lindy. I am also new here, but I wanted to send you hugs. It's a very hard situation we are in. Good days, bad days, the constant emotions. hopefully the MC will help you both to sort some things out.
I have found SI to be very helpful, hopefully you will find it the same.
Take care!


Me BW (36)
WH (39)
together 16 years
2 kids: 6 DD & 10 month DS
Dday:4/18/13
TT: 4/26/13
TT: 5/6/13
more TT: 6/13/13
more TT: 7/9/13

Posts: 40 | Registered: Jun 2013
Lindy
New Member
Member # 39823
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you!!! This is the toughest thing I've ever been through. I appreciate all the comments and support.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 6

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