Welcome to SI, Lindy.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this, but I'm glad you found us.
I don't want to be a needy, depressed person around her but sometimes that's how I feel.
We've all felt that way, and you shouldn't beat yourself up about having hurt and confused feelings here.
You also shouldn't be a doormat for someone to keep them in your life. I'm not saying you're doing that, it's just that the doormat metaphor is a good litmus test for whether we are trying to meet someone in the middle or compromising what we deserve in a relationship to keep someone from leaving.
There's a great chance that your relationship can be better than it was before - if she does some hard, soul searching work on herself and the two of you work together to build a new foundation of trust and communication. I hope this is where your path leads.
Me: BW 34
Crazz: FWH 32
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning. - T.S. Eliot