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User Topic: Sigh....OW contacted H bosses
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Sad  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ow woman contacted my H bosses and insinuated that I had put spyware on the business computers. She told them that she is having problems contacting him due to my intervening.

Since my H works for a branch of the government "I" have been banned from the building.

It is so frustrating for me that she can call and make insinuations that I have done something to government computers and they just take her word for it

I guess on the other hand I could take it as a compliment that everyone believes that I am smart enough to hack a government computer that has multiple passwords just to turn the darn thing on.....little lone get into any of the programs

When is she going away.....3 years and counting since the A ended.....help!!!! Barring taking out a contract on her head.....how do you get rid of them?


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 5:10 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Part of my frustrations are because.....I did not create this problem.....I did not force them to have an A....why am I the focus of all her blame and vengeance?

I realize that I have been pretty good at staying one step ahead of her since I found out but the woman worked with me for almost a whole year while she saw my H on the side.

How do you all contend with a woman like this? Cannot get law enforcement involved although she actually tried a harassment charge that did not fly due to the fact that she "always" made first contact. She just did not hear from the person that she wanted to hear from

Sorry to be venting...just having a bit of a ruff day here. My husband even got "written" up for my "alleged" actions


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

making false derogatory claims about you is either libel or slander, depending if she wrote it or said it. Ya could always sue her civilly to shut her up......maybe the threat on your attorney's letterhead would do the trick.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:24 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, at this point I'd be wanting to talk to an atty about pressing charges.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 elementary school-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 8778 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem is that she talked to my H bosses (3 of them) They are the ones that choose to take action against me without ever getting the facts and they have made it very clear that if I make "noise" my H job would be at stake.

It is absolutely unbelievable!!!


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In fact, I have been "ordered" to take down a website that is totally dedicated to the county I live in.....or else due to the alleged internet security that I have supposedly compromised.

I put a keylogger on a personal computer at our home and accessed my H old fb page and personal email.....again at home.....give me a break!!!!!!

[This message edited by BetrayalHurts at 5:34 PM, July 15th (Monday)]


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry but there is something about this smells of BS. I have a hard time believing that the bosses are jus gonna believe this woman. Who told you that you were banned from the building? Your H?

Just doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 14 & 16
Married for 21 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 6601 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a copy of my H reprimand that is being put in his file


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is outrageous.

Did the employer contact you directly, or is this being filtered through your husband?

I ask, because if the latter, it may not be accurate.

That he was written up is appropriate (not because of any computer issues, but because of workplace issues arising from inappropriate conduct). That you, in any way, are involved, is ludicrous.

I would definitely get an attorney.

And I would ask that my husband either find another job, or request a transfer.

That OW has complained that her access to your husband has been restricted (really, a declaration of, "I'll show her who's in charge here! She can't stop me!") is utterly ludicrous.

What is your husband's response to this? How did he respond to the allegations? Does the disciplinary process allow for him to respond? IMO, he needs to document, in writing the actual truth of the matter, and have it placed in his personnel file.

In addition to wanting to know how he responded to OW's allegations, I would very much like to know how he told you about this. What is his demeanor? (I mean, there's no place at all for him to assign blame anywhere but solidly on his own shoulders.)

What authority does this government employer have over you? How can they enforce your compliance with their demand to shut your website?

If any of this is true, I really question its legality.

I'm not suggesting you make your own life harder by fighting battles that don't need fighting. I mean, I'd probably do as asked. But I certainly would do so only pending getting legal counsel.

Something seems incredibly fishy. While "the government" can throw its weight around, there really are procedures, and they often are overstepped.

And I'd be checking to make sure that that hadn't occurred here.

ETA: You say you have a copy of the reprimand. What, specifically, does it say about what is required of you and potential consequences?

Keep good track of that document; an attorney will want it.

I would also ask your husband some very specific questions about the content of the conversation with his superiors. What was said, by whom? While it's fresh in his mind, that should be transcribed as completely as possible. If they're building a case that can result in his discharge for cause, then you will be glad to have as much information as possible to aid his defense.

[This message edited by solus sto at 5:53 PM, July 15th (Monday)]


BS-me, 52
WH(Mr. Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS17
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 7967 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
JanetS
♀ Member
Member # 2766
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Something sounds a bit "off" to me too. Have you seen it, in writing (or via phone call that you believe) that you are banned from the building. I would think that if they believed you had hacked into their system they'd be all over you legally.

And if they wanted to fire your husband they would have done it already, not put him on "probation" that can be broken if "YOU" are a bad girl.

Is your husband in a union? This might be something for them to deal with.

Does she work for the government too? If not, why would she complain to your husband's employer that she's having trouble reaching him .... at work .... on a PERSONAL level.

He's more likely to get into trouble for using gov't computers for personal business than anything else?????


Posts: 2478 | Registered: Nov 2003 | From: Niagara-on-the-Lake, Canada
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its very odd that your husband received a reprimand for something that you're telling us simply did not happen.

Something seems off to me...

ETA:
There were a few posts that were added as I was posting.
I agree with Solus sto's above post.
This reeks to high hell. Either your husband isnt giving you the full story or there's a lot more going on than you're aware of.

[This message edited by GabyBaby at 5:53 PM, July 15th (Monday)]


Me - 41
My Rockstar (Hubs #2) - 46, faithful, & an absolute doll!
DD(20) and DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids (4 Dogs and 2 Cats)

The Cheater:
WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW. Undiagnosed SA?)
Married 18yrs

Note: I edit often for typos/clarity.


Posts: 5522 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: United States
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 6:22 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The whore in my life decided to get a job where I have worked long before she was an equation. Never mentioned it to H even though they talked 24/7!!! Have to see her on a daily basis and it kills me!!! Hoping to get her out soon!!! Working on it!!! They should know better than to get a job where we work and if they had it during they should get the F out!!!! Just saying


Garnet☀

Posts: 77 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
Sad in AZ
♀ Member
Member # 24239
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I put a keylogger on a personal computer at our home and accessed my H old fb page and personal email.....again at home

Be VERY careful about admitting this; some jurisdictions have charged spouses for doing this; it is considered hacking and you could potentially be prosecuted.


I promise to surround myself with amazing souls and love them fiercely.

Posts: 19174 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: Upstate NY
BetrayalHurts
♀ Member
Member # 34836
Default  Posted: 7:27 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The problem here stems from the fact that due to the nature of my H job and the fact that this is such a small town, I have actually filled in....answering phones, etc. for almost 20 years. About 15 years ago the "then" commissioners decided that if I was going to work, I was going to get paid.....so I am/was actually an employee part-time for H department and full-time in another department. The other department that I worked in was the same department that H got OW a job in....working with me

She made the allegations that I had put this stuff on the office computers and phones and cell phones which is absolutely false....in fact, I am not sure with all the security that it would be possible ....if I had wanted to....anyway.

The OW knows darn well that she was contacting H on personal computer at home. If there was communication at the office, I cannot prove that....although I would be surprised if there was not


M 25 years
BW Me - 50's
WH Him - 60's
OW 25 years younger
D-Days too numerous to mention last D-day being 12-2-11 *OW went on fishing trip 5-21-13*

"A relationship is only made for two, but some bitches don't know how to count"


Posts: 341 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Colorado
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It still seems fishy. If they are "banning" you from the premises, that would be a disciplinary note to your file, and as your employer, they need to follow their due process in terminating you. Which you are entitled to litigate if they do so improperly.

Since you are presumably not on a leash controlled by your H, he cannot have his job security based upon someone else's behavior.

This smells fishy to me....


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3556 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Offhispedestal
♀ Member
Member # 32528
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H MOW did the same when the A ended. She had her male cop friend call my H boss. The cop told the boss that my H threatened her via work email and that she was afraid for her life. The cop said "warn him to never contact her again or she will press charges"

Well my H Bosses got copies of all emails and all read them. They realized that the MOW was a liar and there was nothing life threatening in the emails. This backfired to MOW!
The bosses called the cop and told him that they had reviewed the emails and there were no such threats HOWEVER if MOW feared for her life they suggested that she NEVER return to H job for any public events or she will be escorted off the property...."for her protection"

The worst part was the humiliation H felt that EVERYONE found out what he did...consequences.


ME-43
WH-45
Married 23


2Beautiful daughters
DD 6/26/10 (he broke down & confessed)
DD#2 3/14/11 H in OW's car
TT 7/1/11 (NC broken, through emails)

In R


Posts: 623 | Registered: Jun 2011
RedRaven6500
♀ Member
Member # 39626
Default  Posted: 11:35 PM, July 15th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of my fWH's OW threatened to "tell his boss" about the A and fHW and I called her bluff. (She was claiming to be pregnant and wanted fWH to pay her "hospital bills" and threatened to call the boss and have his wages garnished. Total BullSh*t since you need to go to court for that! Like we are that clueless of the court/law! smh) We told he to go ahead, but that if she lied to his employer (fWH works for the GOV) that we could sue her for slander, and damages if fHW lost his job because of her lies. She changed her tune real quick, stopped asking for money, then did a 180 and no longer wanted fWH to be involved with their "baby", etc. Turns out she wasn't even pregnant.

Just get the full story. Call your H's boss, since you were/are an employee and tell them your concerns. Get the advice of a lawyer, if the employer seems irrational or threatening. Her claims shouldn't have been taken as 100% proof without asking your side of the story. And H better be supportive in you getting advice from a lawyer, otherwise I would suspect him as well. Just my 2 cents being a wife who's H works for the big G as well.


Married: 22 years
DDay: 22 Oct 2011
Year PAs/EAs started: 2004, possibly 2003
OW: three "serious" long-distance affairs, several casual affairs, some at the same time. Classy.
Began R: June 11, 2012
Our R is a work in progress.

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2013
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 12:14 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depending on the size of the jurisdiction I think HR would be very interested in this due to the liability.


Me: BW-43
Him: XWH-43
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4160 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Intimate knowledge of governmental IT security here, and I've run your scenario by Mr. T, my Chief Information Security Officer husband. He's texting while I type this. I'll give you his replies as I type this.

From me:

Are you telling us that the management of a governmental department are taking the word over OW over the security audits performed by the IT department on the government's machines? Ask for an audit and for a meeting that includes the Chief Information Security Officer to review the results. Frankly, if it doesn't pop on an audit, it *did* *not* *happen*. That's how these things work.

From husband:

Computer access on government systems are role-based. This means that unless you specifically were given permission to install software on a machine, it can't happen. If it's a hardware keylogger (like a dongle), IT would have been able to visit your husband's machine and remove it already.

So unless you're a senior IT person with specific permissions set by the head administrator, you can't install anything and anything you *DO* do on a machine would be logged to show activity of various types, including software installation.


From me:


Government information security is tight, and they have a number of audits they must perform yearly and quarterly. All of these audits check for this kind of activity. It's federal law that they perform them.


From him:

Active Directory domain controllers record all logins on all machines, so that's one place to look. Most likely they have a SIEM (security information and event management) system that aggregates security logs, which the CISO can review.

From him:

If the cheating bastard ()) was reprimanded, it's most likely for violating a non-frat HR policy. Or if their jobs require secret-or-above clearance, an affair could compromise their clearances. That would put his job in peril for sure. And the OW's.

From him:

Some gov't departments may not have a huge IT shop, so there may not be monitoring on the local level. In that case, you can request an audit from the division's IT department.

From an IT/security point of view, it just sounds like WH's boss is just pissed that he has to deal with this. That's most likely the reason his job is in peril.

From me:

Hell yeah. The story that you told doesn't hold up. I think you're being fed misinformation.

I think it's time to call your husband's bluff and demand that audit. The reprimand you have a copy of isn't enough. If *YOU* are being accused in his reprimand, it's a huge HR no-no. If *YOU* are being accused in his reprimand or anywhere else, you have a right to ask for a review of the IT logs.

From us both:

Furthermore, it is entirely possible that *your husband* is the one to attempt an install of some sort, perhaps in an effort to incriminate you and get you to back off ... and got his stupid ass busted.

More from him:

And even that doesn't make sense. Installing spyware on government equipment is pound-me-in-the-ass prison shit, not reprimand shit.

[This message edited by Threnody at 8:39 AM, July 16th (Tuesday)]


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
PhoenixRisen
Member
Member # 35912
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BH - who told you you were banned? Unless its directly from HR/company, I think you are being lied to (and potentially set up to take a fall for something H/OW have actually done - be very very careful).

I agree with ThreNody - the story doesn't hold up that you would be targeted by the bosses based on something OW claimed that couldn't possibly happen.

I am so sorry. Sounds like the A has gone underground and your H & OW are trying to create a BH free zone at work so they can relax

Can you arrange to have a meeting with your boss to discuss this? I'd guess they will have absolutely no idea what you are talking about and you may find that your H/OW actually fabricated H's reprimand.


Posts: 410 | Registered: Jun 2012
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