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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Gaslighting Yourself and Trusting Your Gut
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was thinking to myself during this: don't you see your pattern!? Why would you leave and not work on R and be "that guy"!? Don't you see that you are the common denominator?

But he seems to think getting stuck with the "wrong girl" is something that keeps happening TO him. He's not responsible.

And he can just fabricate the reasons to someone in the future. Or, if he stays with OW, evidently she's cool with it. Weirdo.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, my ex had victim syndrome too. He got caught cheating in high school because the teacher didnt like him; if the Wendy's guy lost his order during a really busy rush it was about race; if things in a relationship didnt work out it was because his wife was mean and asked him to take the trash out.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG this thread is striking so many chords here with me it sounds like a symphony!!

don't you see your pattern!? Why would you leave and not work on R and be "that guy"!? Don't you see that you are the common denominator?
But he seems to think getting stuck with the "wrong girl" is something that keeps happening TO him. He's not responsible.


Especially this^^^. He dumped OW for the woman he ended up marrying. His wife then cheated on him. He met me. We had kids. Then OW comes along (married now with a kid) and he completes the circle and somehow she is the one he should have been with all along. He has been looking for someone like his mother all along. It's sick. OW is apparently a bitch just like his mom.

Phantom I have felt almost everything you have expressed here.

My back story is a little different. I believe that I entered the relationship and took as much as I did from ex because I figured I wouldn't have another chance at it. Him being my first and only relationship makes it hard to figure out where I went wrong and if my picker is broken or not.
ETA: This quote pretty much sums up how I feel right now.
This thread just hits so close to home.
" And after this you are never the same, just not going to happen. Whether you stay or can work it out with the WS or you get divorced and some day have another relationship down the road you now just know WAY too much about what human beings can do to hurt another."

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 7:49 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1405 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
PhantomLimb
♀ Member
Member # 39668
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think no matter what our pickers will be more fine tuned in the future! We'll all still make mistakes, but hopefully not the same ones.


BS / D

Posts: 863 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 24
Pages: 1 · 2

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