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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: so frustrated (embarrassing, tmi post)
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is his work so physically demanding he has to fall asleep so quickly?

If not, especially at his age, it's something going wrong either physically or emotionally. Given the A and his boundary issues, I bet it's emotional, but both should be checked out.

I'm with atsenaotie. One of my requirements for R was that my W had to initiate se a lot more often than she had previously done. Why not make one of your requirements that he cuddle after sex? Is he in IC? If so, one of your reqs coul be that he resolve this issue in IC.

WRT embarrassment, I'm right there with ya. I just keep telling myself this site is anonymous. (I ignore the fact that I've attended g2gs.... ) Besides, SI is a great place to get lots of sexual info from a very wide range of people without crossing boundaries. We've got immense experience, and we're willing to share....

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10379 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband was having issues and we had his testosterone checked when he was 34, it was quite low. Fast forward 2 years and started having issues again. It was guilt and shame and he really started getting a huge understanding for what he did to me.

Communication out of the bedroom has helped a lot. As has testosterone cream.

BS - Me
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking

Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
♀ Member
Member # 34918
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks so much for the support. No, his job isn't extremely physically demanding, he's just always been like that... hit the bed and BOOM asleep. It drives me nuts, especially now!

BW (me):30
WH (guiltfilled11): 31
together 11 years, married 5 years
DDay: July 6th 2011
False R: beginning of August
True R until DDay 06/20 - talking to another girl and lying about it
Kids: DD 7, DS 4, DD 3

On the fence... do I stay or do

Posts: 183 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: NY
♂ Member
Member # 39807
Default  Posted: 7:42 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I read most of these posts but some of the more sexually detailed ones I scanned over because any sort of sexual details makes my mind wander thinking about my Ex fiancé and her EA,( which lead to her leaving me for him oh joy) anyways I am 37 and I have had troubles getting and maintaining an erection at times and other times just not being able to last very long, and it turned out I was having extreme thyroid issues , graves disease in fact ( which is extremely uncommon for men) but it might be thyroid related ( sorry if someone already said this) or perhaps like previously mentioned testosterone , anyways good luck

[This message edited by soveryalone1 at 7:42 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 75 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Vermont USA
♀ New Member
Member # 15977
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I appreciate your post. I have been going through a similar situation but I haven’t had the courage to post. I think that the lack of intimacy is the hardest part for me. The fact he has no desire to satisfy with foreplay or climax. As a BS, we’ve already had a kick to our self-esteem and this just makes it worse. My husband did have his testosterone checked and it’s low but refuses treatment (because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t want to deal with it).

ME (BS) 43
HIM (WS) 47
Married 23 years
DDay 7/07 (19 month PA with co worker, who knows when EA started)
In R....

Posts: 47 | Registered: Aug 2007
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Regarding Although my H did it to try to last longer earlier in our M, it only fed his SA.

When he began to go to SA meetings, he quit all together.

Now he lasts longer, has control, and feels more intimacy than he has ever before in his life.

All this to say that m....n is not always the cure, it can become part of the problem.

Hurt, are you guys in counselling, and will he talk about it with you?

Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Topic Posts: 26
Pages: 1 · 2

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