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User Topic: Leaving the past in the past
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it seems like it is so easy for me to just separate these things and realize that it is best to leave what happened in the past.

That's because you were not the one who received the trauma.


Honestly WN the things that you are saying in your post are exactly the things that my husband was saying to me last summer when he had one foot in and one foot out of our marriage. It wasn't until he stopped lying to me and started answering my questions and showing remorse that we started healing. And honestly? Now I don't feel like talking about the infidelities the vast majority of the time. Because I've processed it. She obviously hasn't processed it yet. And from what I recall, she had a lot to process. It takes TIME.


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 4-year-old daughter.

Posts: 6809 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

+1 for 20Wrongs. +1 for Aubrie. +1 for bits and pieces of every reply here. I'm surprised more, um, wood isn't being dished out.

I am trying to get a handle on your thread, whatnow, and I have to say the one "bottom line" word comes to my mind, in blinking neon, is: DENIAL.

You are of obvious intelligence, but like someone I know quite well, that can be both a blessing and a curse. And what I'm reading is it's curse mode right now. Throw in a selfish, "me first" personality, and a stunted ability to be able or willing to walk in another person's shoes (especially those closest to us!), and, well, I feel concern. And that's all I will choose to say at this time.

This thread is helpful to read. JD



2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
Kelany
♀ Member
Member # 34755
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thing is, reverse positions. You flipped out that she had an EA and went on a revenge tirade with multiple PA's.

So...if SHE had multiple PA's would YOU feel comfortable just being done talking about it and moving past it, less than a year out? I hardly think so. Not the way you were going on and on about her EA last year.

Plainly put, no, you can't just stop, you can't go around it, you have to go THROUGH it. You hurt her in the worst way imaginable and now just want to be done with it. It doesn't work that way. It's like someone killing your family member and telling you when to stop grieving over them.

Prioritizing her mental and emotional health IS important. If you neglect it, she will implode at some point, and it's not going to be pretty.


BS - Me
SA/FWH Him
DDay 1 - Jul 11
DDay 2 - Jul 12
R Dec 12

Former 80s Icon wishful thinking


Posts: 2031 | Registered: Feb 2012
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 5:20 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The affairs started from about when we were dating, according to my wife, so the timeline is actually 2003 on.
See, crap like this gets you in trouble and shows just how self centered you are. Do you realize how condescending you are when you make comments like this? It's like you only believe it started in 2005 but *sigh* "my wife thinks it's 2003 so whatever. I'll follow along." Your tone is just...off. Way off.

I think our time and effort is better served focusing on other things.
Like what? The stock market? I would think that healing a relationship that has been blown up by infidelity would be first and foremost in a person's mind. Do we still have to deal with every day life? Absolutely. Life will not be put on hold. This is where you're supposed to pull up the big boy pants and learn how to multitask. Countless WS here have proven that it can be done. Of course the WS has to *want* to. Otherwise it's going to blow up in their face because their heart isn't in it for the right reasons.

I understand why I did it, and I also understand why it was so wrong.
Ok. So what are you doing to FIX it? Anything? Or are you white knuckling this thing?

And to be honest, the affairs really don't cross my mind. There are so many different things going on in our lives, and I have so many other interests that I'd rather focus on.
Who doesn't have a million things going on in their lives? Who doesn't have "other interests"? I don't think any of the WS here like to sit down and do Affair Trivia 101 every night with their BS. But if the BS wants to sit down, pull out the calendar and spreadsheets, and go over call and chat logs, I'd think the WS would most likely sit their butts down and hold their BS's hand. Or at least the ones that are invested in the relationship and want to heal.

what you've posted today makes it even more evident to me that you aren't actually remorseful, but instead are pretending to be. It's still about what you want...what you feel and your BS's feelings/healing are not your priority.
X2


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6300 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
justdoit
♀ Member
Member # 25898
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No stop sign so here goes.
Are you kidding me?
You've had a string of affairs over the last decade - as recently as less than a year ago and your BW is supposed to believe that you've been touched by the good fairy of perfect marriage and fidelity and you are now the perfect husband? Sorry, but she is not likely to get past it for a while (maybe never).
If you are truly remorseful my advise is that you count your blessings, give thanks she is giving you another chance, and give her at least as many years to process your infidelities as it took you to realize you valued your marriage and stopped have affairs.


Me - 60
WH - 67
Married 35 years
DDay - 5/14/09
He's reconciled, I'm in limbo.
"Stuck in the middle with you"

Posts: 159 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Rocky Mountains
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 6:10 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No stop sign. You had a decade long affair, just interchangeable AP's. Wouldn't it seem likely that might have caused PTSD in your spouse? Have you ever researched it? How can/will you help her heal from that?


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2984 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
alphakitte
♀ Member
Member # 33438
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just selfish and didn't care enough.

In all seriousness, I'd say that was true then, and is true now. Your attitude, in these posts lack empathy, IMO.

Why can I do it and she can't?

Because she is the betrayed and you the betrayer. And, probably, because you haven't developed the skill set of empathy.

Is there something to be said for just moving on full stop? I'd like to discuss that . . .

Here's what can be said for it from my perspective; your attitudes, and explanations are word for word those of my husband's. We are 5 years out from Dday. When I understood his/your attitude regarding long term betrayals I decided to "let it go". For me moving on full stop meant that I understand that the one that cares the least hurts the least. I learned to get control of my emotions and not care about his feelings, goals, desires, expectations, friends, and family as much as my own. My heart doesn't "throb" for him, I'm affectionate towards him, but sex is just sex. For me, he's a roomate.

For a time, I was so detached that while eating at a restaurant where my husband choked and blocked his windpipe, with a forkful of steak, I actually counted to 3 before I calmly got up and performed the heimlich maneuver to clear his windpipe.

We are roomates and if he came home and asked me for a divorce I'd agree and I'd leave. We could decide how to divide things tomorrow. That's what moving on fullstop looks like for us.

That might be okay with you, but I doubt it will be good enough for your wife.


------ Some people are emotional tadpoles. Even if they mature they are just a warty toad. Catt

Posts: 350 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: 3 klicks north of Ambiguous
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 6:26 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think every situation is different. I remember when you first started posting here. Your outrage and pain at her choices. You were dumbfounded and gobsmacked she did that. After your story seeped out I was puzzled. You had engaged in the same types of thinking so why so shocked?

After reading some of your posts it occurred to me your thought process and hers are worlds apart. Yeah, we get lumped. There are differences, of course, as we're all different people. You didn't seem to have any issues with your choices with the married woman so I concluded none of your moral imperatives were fractured by you. Her posts showed pain at the hurt she cause you as well as shock and dismay over the choices she made and what those choices clearly meant to her belief system.

You didn't have that same reaction. Yours was more shock that she could do that to YOU. Ffs, you! So, the following punishment, I mean string of your little flash bangs was punitive. You wanted her to feel the depth of your outrage. Mission accomplished. She was pretty much leveled by them so now we can go back to our regularly scheduled program. She, properly chastised and aversion therapy applied so THAT nonsense won't happen again and you felt "deserved" retribution. So what's the big deal? Enough already. We're good now. Why not relief and gratitude as we move forward not needing to speak of this again?

You asked if you could get past this. I think Jana Green hit it dead on by her post that she was able to once she saw her husband register the damage and not just as a cold forensic analysis. I very much believe your wife would do the same thing. Just don't know if you are capable of the patience to help her sort, process, respond to her pain. I think you are already building a case for the next series of "corrections". I'm betting high she's pretty close to hitting the last nerve on you that will trigger the "enough of this shit already".


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Red  Posted: 8:07 PM, July 16th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everyone,

Whatnow999 came to us for guidance. Let's give him the advice and support he needs without attacking and being abrasive. If you are unable to do this, please stay off the thread.

Thank you.


Posts: 35859 | Registered: Mar 2011
whatnow999
♂ Member
Member # 35494
Default  Posted: 2:42 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When can the past be left in the past? Sometime after you take ownership and attach yourself to what you did, your actions, your choices. As long as you regard this as something that "happened," then what's to stop it from "happening" again? This?

I think I'm able to control that part of myself better.
Not very reassuring.

I suppose it isn't reassuring, but I know that an affair isn't going to happen again. The affairs last year were not accidents, if that makes sense. It doesn't make them any better, and probably makes them worse but it wasn't a slippery slope situation. I have no doubts about my ability to be faithful going forward. I wouldn't be here if I thought I was going to cheat again. That is in the past. There is no part of me that wants to be unfaithful.

No stop sign. You had a decade long affair, just interchangeable AP's. Wouldn't it seem likely that might have caused PTSD in your spouse? Have you ever researched it? How can/will you help her heal from that?

Have not done much research into PTSD. I'll look into it.

Would just like to say that the "decade long affair" is probably an inaccurate label. I understand that my profile isn't as detailed as maybe ideal, so maybe that leads to some confusion, but there were really never affairs. Incidents mostly. There was one AP in a continued sense, before we were married. Almost every other AP wasn't in any way romantic or emotional, and there was a long, long period where there were no PAs.

Here's what can be said for it from my perspective; your attitudes, and explanations are word for word those of my husband's. We are 5 years out from Dday. When I understood his/your attitude regarding long term betrayals I decided to "let it go". For me moving on full stop meant that I understand that the one that cares the least hurts the least. I learned to get control of my emotions and not care about his feelings, goals, desires, expectations, friends, and family as much as my own. My heart doesn't "throb" for him, I'm affectionate towards him, but sex is just sex. For me, he's a roomate.

For a time, I was so detached that while eating at a restaurant where my husband choked and blocked his windpipe, with a forkful of steak, I actually counted to 3 before I calmly got up and performed the heimlich maneuver to clear his windpipe.

We are roomates and if he came home and asked me for a divorce I'd agree and I'd leave. We could decide how to divide things tomorrow. That's what moving on fullstop looks like for us.

That might be okay with you, but I doubt it will be good enough for your wife.

Thanks for posting this. It was kind of a chilling read, but something that was valuable to read. I don't want a marriage that isn't emotionless, and I certainly wouldn't want for that level of detachment. Maybe not talking about it is a half-measure that leads to our marriage not being genuine. That wipes away the emotional bond between us. It is something to consider for sure.

You asked if you could get past this. I think Jana Green hit it dead on by her post that she was able to once she saw her husband register the damage and not just as a cold forensic analysis. I very much believe your wife would do the same thing. Just don't know if you are capable of the patience to help her sort, process, respond to her pain. I think you are already building a case for the next series of "corrections". I'm betting high she's pretty close to hitting the last nerve on you that will trigger the "enough of this shit already".

Here is the thing though, UO. I'm really, really happy with our marriage and our life. The only issue I have is sometimes we ruin good times by bringing up the ghost of bad times. But in terms of our life today, I'm very happy, and the last thing I want is to go back to a summer 12' situation. I'm also not nearly as dispassionate as you may think... I'm not some sadistic asshole that levies punishment via a master plan. What I did last year wasn't great, but it came out of me not knowing how to react, and feeling hurt and embarrassed and it brought out maybe the worst in me. I really do wish I handled it better.

Honestly WN the things that you are saying in your post are exactly the things that my husband was saying to me last summer when he had one foot in and one foot out of our marriage. It wasn't until he stopped lying to me and started answering my questions and showing remorse that we started healing. And honestly? Now I don't feel like talking about the infidelities the vast majority of the time. Because I've processed it. She obviously hasn't processed it yet. And from what I recall, she had a lot to process. It takes TIME.

Look, I'm not suggesting we never speak of the As again. They happened and were for some time at least, a big part of our lives. I just think we can exercise discretion, and not make it the singular focus. I'm not sure if people here know, but we had our son earlier this year, and he has been my number one priority. We'll be talking about the baby, and she'll start bringing up stuff that happened when our daughter was his age. Like suggesting there were affairs then... never out and out saying it, but hinting. Which drives me kind of crazy, because it ruins a nice moment.

I've answered here questions as best I can. The answers aren't changing, and the questions aren't either. How many times do we need to talk about the same things? That is my point. Its been discussed to death.

ETA...what you've posted today makes it even more evident to me that you aren't actually remorseful, but instead are pretending to be. It's still about what you want...what you feel and your BS's feelings/healing are not your priority.

Not trying to be petty, but LiesHurt I'm pretty sure you've never believed that I'm remorseful. I'm not pretending to be remorseful... I am actually remorseful about many, many things. But to some people, its easier to write off the WS as a stock villain.

If you are truly remorseful my advise is that you count your blessings, give thanks she is giving you another chance, and give her at least as many years to process your infidelities as it took you to realize you valued your marriage and stopped have affairs.

Again, I am committed and am not looking to start anything or for an out. I'm really happy in our marriage and with our relationship, 95% of the time. I will try to be more patient since that is the message that most of the posters have expressed. Thanks for all the comments, and I'm sorry about the late AM reply.


Me, 30, Husband
Her, 29, Wife
One Daughter, One Son

Posts: 232 | Registered: May 2012
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 3:07 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(whatnow999)

I just wanted to show support for you. You did NOT run away from the posts that followed your original start of this thread. It shows a level of character that desires to change....it is noteworthy.

It is nice for me to witness this. I have wondered if my wife has the fortitude to stick to this process. Witnessing you facing this...even though I don't agree with all of your perspectives, you are still willing to recognize change is needed and that you are open to more self examination to see if the change you are about to institute will result in the growth you both are seeking.

God be with you.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 3:15 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3971 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
EmotionalFool
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 3:25 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Which drives me kind of crazy, because it ruins a nice moment.

Why do you think she brings up the topic when u r supposed to have nice moments?


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
whatnow999
♂ Member
Member # 35494
Default  Posted: 3:37 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(whatnow999)
I just wanted to show support for you. You did NOT run away from the posts that followed your original start of this thread. It shows a level of character that desires to change....it is noteworthy.

It is nice for me to witness this. I have wondered if my wife has the fortitude to stick to this process. Witnessing you facing this...even though I don't agree with all of your perspectives, you are still willing to recognize change is needed and that you are open to more self examination to see if the change you are about to institute will result in the growth you both are seeking.

God be with you.

Thanks for the kind words Blake. Not sure that I deserve them, but I appreciate it none the less.

Why do you think she brings up the topic when u r supposed to have nice moments?

I don't know...

Maybe its on her mind at that moment. I'm not exactly sure. Maybe she wants me to feel guilty?


Me, 30, Husband
Her, 29, Wife
One Daughter, One Son

Posts: 232 | Registered: May 2012
EmotionalFool
♀ Member
Member # 37362
Default  Posted: 3:41 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe she wants me to feel guilty?

Instead of guessing, why not ask her?


WW: 28 (ME)
BH: 28 (SI profile: CrappyLife)
D-Day- 15/10/12

Posts: 334 | Registered: Nov 2012
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When can the past be left in the past? Sometime after you take ownership and attach yourself to what you did, your actions, your choices. As long as you regard this as something that "happened," then what's to stop it from "happening" again? This?

Whatnow: I think I'm able to control that part of myself better.

Not very reassuring.

Whatnow: I suppose it isn't reassuring, but I know that an affair isn't going to happen again. The affairs last year were not accidents, if that makes sense. It doesn't make them any better, and probably makes them worse but it wasn't a slippery slope situation. I have no doubts about my ability to be faithful going forward. I wouldn't be here if I thought I was going to cheat again. That is in the past. There is no part of me that wants to be unfaithful.

I'm asking this (and not to be clever or flippant) but how did you just get rid of the part of you that WAS unfaithful? What work did you do on that part of you that DID cheat, and how are you so confident a "healthy, affair-proof" part is now firmly in its place?

I obviously don't know you except from this one thread, and I am sincerely curious as to your reply.

[This message edited by JustDesserts at 5:55 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
SurprisinglyOkay
♀ Member
Member # 36684
Default  Posted: 6:42 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is rankling me:

I suppose it isn't reassuring, but I know that an affair isn't going to happen again. The affairs last year were not accidents, if that makes sense. It doesn't make them any better, and probably makes them worse but it wasn't a slippery slope situation. I have no doubts about my ability to be faithful going forward. I wouldn't be here if I thought I was going to cheat again. That is in the past. There is no part of me that wants to be unfaithful.

Keeping this on me... this screams of over confidence.

Which is something that I keep a close watch on myself for.

As soon as I start thinking "I've got this", I've lost it.

I know are dangerous words for me.

I don't know if that makes sense, (I'm running on lots of coffee and nicotine, no food yet)

Maybe its on her mind at that moment. I'm not exactly sure. Maybe she wants me to feel guilty?

She may. But like EF said ask her.

I would hazard a guess that She's not trying to ruin good moments, but She's in pain and expressing that to you.

We've made these choices that have blown our bss' world to bits.

Now being in R we have to face our past and current decisions. If being in R means going over every gory detail again and again, because it helps our BS heal, than so be it.

If it means "ruining" good moments with things from the past, than so be it.

I think in a lot of cases the ws heals faster than the bs. And it's so easy to get impatient, and justify that impatience. But it does nothing to help the bs heal.

Okay enough rambling for now!!


FWS me 36 (recovering addict)
BS him 39 AFrayedKnot
Together 7 years
2 children


"Your secrets keep you sick"


Posts: 1134 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: 221B
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've answered here questions as best I can. The answers aren't changing, and the questions aren't either. How many times do we need to talk about the same things? That is my point. Its been discussed to death.

Very simply, it's just part of the process. Your patience will be key to her healing. Getting exasperated over her feelings and continued need for conversation relating to the A's will only push you further away. Watch your tone, watch your body language. She needs to know that you HEAR her. That you are present with her pain. Trust me when I say it's like the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon - EVERYTHING in the BS mind can be connected in some way to the A's. EVERYTHING. Does it always make sense - Nope. I can tell you that it doesn't even make sense to JM. But bottom line, she for some reason is taken back to those feelings and you both must acknowledge them and work through them. It would be very unhealthy for her to stuff them because you don't want to engage with her. These in depth conversations are integral to regaining intimacy.

What I did last year wasn't great

Stop trying to minimize by using words like "wasn't great" instead of "it was shitty". If these are the kinds of words you are using with JM, I can tell you it is not helping. To her (as a BS) it reeks of lack of compassion.


That is in the past. There is no part of me that wants to be unfaithful.

Did you ever tell yourself, after any of the ONS, that you would never do it again? What steps have you taken to ensure those thought processes, or lack thereof, won't come creeping back?

Maybe she wants me to feel guilty?

I think she wants to feel your remorse more than she wants you to feel guilty. Digest that thought, because if you don't, you won't ever move forward.


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6556 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not trying to be petty, but LiesHurt I'm pretty sure you've never believed that I'm remorseful. I'm not pretending to be remorseful... I am actually remorseful about many, many things.

You are correct. Your actions have never shown me any remorse. As I said, this post proves it to me even more. UO is dead on in her assessment of you.

My advice? Stop trying to control the situation. Stop trying to dictate to your BS how quickly she should be "over" this. You are only making things worse and prolonging her healing by doing so.

But to some people, its easier to write off the WS as a stock villain.

This is where you are wrong about me. A truly remorseful WS will get my full support....even if it were you. I count myself lucky to have met some of the best people who are also FWS's from this site, so no, I don't have a grudge against all WS's.


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13807 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please heed broevils words of warning.

That whole line of absolutes and NEVER statements ARE dangerous.

My marriage pre-A was full of these statements...we were so blind to the real dangers all around us.

We are all vulnerable. Add to this that there are actual people out there who intentionally seek affairs out and it is a hostile world towards all marriages. Figure in the facts that somewhere between 30-80% of all marraiges have infidelity affect them and a case can simply not be made that any of us can be so absolutely confident...we must all have firm boundaries and reinforce them often.

Reinforcement comes in many forms...and this is part of our challenge as we move forward. To find ways to connect deeper and deeper with our spouses and refrain from connecting too deep with others of the opposite sex.

God be with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 3971 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
JustDesserts
♂ Member
Member # 39665
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are all vulnerable....a case can simply not be made that any of us can be so absolutely confident...we must all have firm boundaries and reinforce them often.

Very good words to hear, take to heart, and put into action.


2 year EA/PA. DDay 3/12. Broke NC 6/13 w/one stupid 5 line e-mail (which brought me to SI). Me: WH, 50. Her: BW, 49. Married 19 years. Two kids. Dog. Reconciling...together.

Posts: 403 | Registered: Jun 2013 | From: Suburbia, New England, USA
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