My question is how do you/ did you deal with being left for someone else?
Any good books, websites etc to help with this subject?
I don't have any real self esteem issues that I am aware of, I don't feel like less because I am being left so to speak, I just feel like stbxh is crazy
And I can't believe he is doing this.
It's that that I can't seem to come to grips with, the "why?"
My long story short is stbxh had a old flame that he kept as a "friend"
Ow is getting a divorce my stbxh
Broke a agreed on NC to help OW
With her marriage, we went through
A lot of MC but nothing worked.
Now stbxh is quickly rushing us through divorce and he is now exploring a relationship with OW.
me- 37 m
her 30 f
I left 2 months ago, she jumped into new relationship after 3 f ing weeks...
Sorry you are dealing with this right now, I can relate to the whole being in the dark thing and how confusing
And painful that is. If I do find any good books I will let you know! :)
It like I keep telling people if my stbxh could/ would just tell me why? Then I think I could get some closure. If he could explane how we had a decade long marriage and we were best friends and now he is throwing me under the bus and in a relationship with some one that he said was only a friend.
Anyway it's the why? that's hard for me to take.
My husband is living with another woman and her family in another state while I am pregnant, so yea, I understand completely.
You deal with each thing, each emotion and each day as it comes.
You go back to basic living and lately I've spent time going back to my roots and meeting with people from childhood or school years.
You wake up each day to a new life and realize that it is your place on earth now, altered but physically survived and be very proud of that.
You take it easy on yourself, on your heart and wait until it reconnects with your brain again, for the time will start to come...very slowly.
You realize that there is still kindness and good in the universe, that the cosmos has not fallen through to hell and somehow...someway...you find new meaning to each day, to each minute that you spend on earth.
You may find, if you are like me, that you are taking more time...with everything you do and that things take on greater importance than once had.
You "live for the now", as Wayne and Garth say and nourish yourself and children, if you have them.
Spend time with pets, as there is nothing like their love...pure and honest, it is.
Don't take anything for granted and don't...don't believe each and every word your spouse has to say.
I wish you peace and light at the end of the tunnel and some strong support from trusted ones to walk part way on your journey with you.
The times, they are'a changin'! -Bob Dylan
Sorry it has turned out this way.
I don't have the complete answer. My only advice is;
1. don't interact with your WS unless you have to and only on a buisness level. You need let your emotions heal. They can not heal if you are caught up in a toxic relationship. You need to be out of it.
2. Take long walks. Punch a punching bag. I found this helps
No secret here I just got off the roller Coster my self.. You know what it feels like when you get off the ride at a park and there you are dizzy confused about to puke and not knowing where the He11 you are
Or which direction you are going to go? Yeah huh that the next step...
I Kidd you not I was still in the same emotional juggle He11 as you about 3-4 weeks ago
I think mostly because I still thought stbxh could come around and see the light... Then he made a move that I could not mistake as a eff you game ender then I went in to shock and disbelief. Now I am in the what the He11 is wrong with with him phase. But yes I am much better off then when I was on the "ride"
Sovery, don't worry it does even out,
And prob faster than you would guess but not as fast as you would like.... Just hang in there, the place you are looking for looks like acceptance. But you won't know that place until you get there and it is really important that you go through the ride fully so that stuff does not mess with you more than it has to down the line. Just know that there really are stages to all this cr@p even though it seems like chaos at the moment.
[This message edited by darklilly23 at 11:09 PM, July 16th (Tuesday)]
All I can tell you is that it's difficult but life goes on, though its a coaster for a while.
SI was my saving grace during that time. Keep posting - it takes time but it does get better.
Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron
It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling
There is a thread in the I Can Relate Forum---when a WS leaves for their AP.
Maybe you can find some support in there as well.
I am so sorry to hear about your story, I can imagine dealing with that.
I don't have kids but wanted them, but everyone is telling me to count my blessings over that.
I could not fathom how I would feel if stbx was pulling this stuff if there was a child involved, I think I would then not be mad for just my self but for the child as well, that would be a whole other ball game.
You are very strong indeed Ash...
Thank you for your encouragement and kind thoughts.
Very good advice!