Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Update on weird text exchange with Npd-x
Chrysalis123
♀ Member
Member # 27148
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=501647&HL=27148

Above is the ink to my last post. I took the advice of several posters and reached out to DD18 by text. I said:

Your dad told me you have a new guy fried that dad thinks is unsuitable. I would love to hear your side. You have always chosen great friends in the past, and I am assuming this is the same, unless proven otherwise.

Well, the floodgates opened. She began by thanking me! She is crushed because NPD and GF don't trust her. She doesn't understand this change, and is really mad. She and I are going out to dinner tonight.

As I think about this weird reaction from NPD, I am starting to believe he is behaving like this because he is a predatory man, that chooses women he can manipulate (like the old me).

Because he is NPD, he assumes everyone is like him and he projects and has zero empathy, so therefore this young man is the same as himself.

So, he is on a rampage to get this guy out of DD18's life.

Anyway, DD18 is the golden child. So, this turn of events is not how her dad has ever treated her. How do I help her with the coming discard and devaluation that WILL be coming her way? What do I say and do to support her?

Thank you so much for all your support with this.

[This message edited by Chrysalis123 at 10:42 AM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


Donít get to the end of your life and find that you lived only the length of it; live the width of it as well.†

Posts: 2683 | Registered: Jan 2010
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 11:52 AM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is GREAT Chrysalis123!! I am sooo happy for you!! What a beautiful way to reach out to her! Enjoy your dinner!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 19, DS 15
Settled at mediation
Officially divorced ... SOON!

Posts: 2233 | Registered: Oct 2012
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Chrysalis, this is great! I hope the tiny crack in the door swings a bit wider during dinner!


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4655 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad things are opening up between you two. Dinner is a great start.

How do I help her with the coming discard and devaluation that WILL be coming her way? What do I say and do to support her?
I think you mostly say and do nothing - just listen. Validate her feelings and encourage her in expressing herself freely with you. In other words, worry less about prepping her for what is undoubtedly coming from her dad, and focus more on building trust and communication between the two of you. She will likely need that in the days ahead.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25507 | Registered: Aug 2011
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay! This is great. As for the future.

In other words, worry less about prepping her for what is undoubtedly coming from her dad, and focus more on building trust and communication between the two of you.

I agree. Don't focus on what may come - focus on what is here and bothering her now, listen, support, and back away till needed. In between you keep it light and enjoy whatever good times come. Enjoy dinner!


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double tap...

[This message edited by Take2 at 4:25 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4113 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 4:27 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What heartwarming news!

Enjoy dinner. Girl time!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5841 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome news!

FWIW, I agree with NIK's advice. I'd only offer advice if she asks. For now, focus on rebuilding your relationship and just be there for her.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6456 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry she's going through this, but so happy for you to have some positive interaction with her! I hope it continues!


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry she's going through this, but so happy for you to have some positive interaction with her! I hope it continues!


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
Coraline
♀ Member
Member # 36434
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry she's going through this, but so happy for you to have some positive interaction with her! I hope it continues!


Me: BW, 34 Him: WH, 35
3 Kids: 9, 3, and 1
Decree nisi will become absolute in January. We are DONE.

Posts: 771 | Registered: Aug 2012
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry she has to deal with this too, but if he's NPD it was inevitable, and I am so impressed that you reached out to her in such an amazing way. Awesome job momma!!!

I think NIK's advice is spot on. Listen, focus on the relationship between the two of you. I'm really SO happy for you lady.


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4561 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.