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Newest Member: shouldknowbetter (44720)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: called husband of OW...got cussed out
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS admitted he broke the NC and told the OW I may try to call her husband so she obviously gave him the heads up. I begged my WS to call this man and tell him the truth, but he said
he won't.


^^^Your WH is a monster.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 836 | Registered: Jun 2012
fourever
♀ Member
Member # 30631
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like a broken record tonight!

I'm curious why you haven't kicked him to the curb?
He could use you to pull up your Bitch Boots, and teach him a lesson about real life. He needs an immediate dose of reality. Let him explain his holier than thou ass to the congregation!

Why are you not standing up to this nonsense? Are you not worth more? (Yes, you are, by the way, a lot more!). How dare he warn her.

This isn't a game. This is YOUR life.
Open an account, fund it, and kick him to the curb until he gets it!


In R since shortly after DD.
Discovered what was right in front of him and nearly lost.

Always, tell the other BS! Always!

"It's hard to be in love when you can't tell lies"!


Posts: 873 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Northeast
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 6:15 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the first thing on your next grocery list should be Hefty bags.

Don't wait until you need milk and eggs. Make a special trip to the grocery store, and buy them. Put his stuff on the front porch.

I'm so sorry you were victimized by one of the OP. Your WH has got a nerve...he is so full of himself...he needs to get knocked down a few notches.

Did you call your family? You need someone who loves you right now...we're here, but family would be so good for you right now.

(((((determined99)))))


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry you were victimized by one of the OP.

I disagree. She was victimized by her husband.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1231 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
outtanowhere
♀ Member
Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just have to give you a cyber hug for doing what you knew was right. Now you need to do the right thing again & listen to all the good advice you've been given from people who have been there & done it. I don't think your H has any idea of the cliff he has just jumped off of but, you need to let him crash & burn. When he comes crawling back you will know he "gets" it and only then should you consider taking him back!

One thing most members of a congregation won't tolerate is someone preaching to them "Do as I say, not as I do". Let the chips fall where they may. You will be fine!

BTW - her husband knows. Didn't we all know? It may take a little while but, unless he is senile, he will figure it out.

Good job! At least you can look yourself in the mirror!


BS - 57
SAWH - 60 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 714 | Registered: Apr 2013
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DarkInertia,

determined99 has been victimized by her WH, the OW and nowalsoby the OWH. Of course it never would have happened if WH hadn't had an A in the first place, so it is all his fault.


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't believe the first person who told me my husband was cheating, either

In my case my step-DD informed me. She was and is very close to her father so I know it was difficult for her to do, and she did it because she knew it was the right thing to do. At least I didn't get angry at her or anything like that but I did defend him and made excuses and said I did not believe it was true. I felt like such an ass later when I discovered for myself that it was true. But I'm just saying this to let you know that you can not predict whether the BS will appreciate the news. Some may appreciate it later when it sinks in, and some may never believe it and may resent you, and believe the coverups and damage control lies told by their cheating spouse. But really, no matter how they react, I firmly believe it is best to tell them. There are a lot of reasons to tell, not the least of which, exposing the A usually ruins the "magic" of their secrecy and the A is more likely to truly end with more people knowing and watching.

I found a way to make sure the Whore's H knew and I don't think he ever appreciated it, but don't know for sure since he never communicated or contact me in any way after that. Even so, I do believe that he adopted a more watchful eye on his whore-wife which needed to be done, obviously.


Posts: 5729 | Registered: Apr 2006
Zayda1
♀ Member
Member # 35387
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If my husband had warned his AP that I was calling the OBS I would not be impressed. In fact if my husband ever breaks NC intentionally the first call I would make would be to a lawyer.


Married 9 years, together for 11 years
2 children (7 years & 4 years)
Discovery of PA 04/15/12 (It only lasted a "couple of weeks" but it still shattered my world.)

Posts: 465 | Registered: Apr 2012
JustWow
♀ Member
Member # 19636
Default  Posted: 8:49 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((d99))))))))

If your H is still worried about protecting the OW and warning her, I'm afraid he - at worst is still in the A and has gone underground, or - at best is still deep in the fog . Protecting his OW from YOU????

180 his foggy, foggy a$$.


BW - Reconciling

edited for typos (I always have to!)


Posts: 3610 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Midwest
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 9:06 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think an important issue here is that your husband is still protecting her.

I agree completely.

(((HUGS)))

I'm sure you're in shock. You're probably trembling on the inside, wondering if this is really your life, if this is really happening, if this is truly "it". The End. Done.

I remember feeling like I was out of my body, like I was observing myself from a distance. Was I actually going to do this? Was I actually going to divorce him? Was I really making the call to a lawyer?

I'm really sorry, Hon. Whatever you end up deciding to do, I am so sorry for the hurt you're feeling right now, the ringing in your ears of that man's horrible words. I'm so sorry.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9529 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
ohforthree
♂ New Member
Member # 39851
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Determined99... Hang in there, the best advice I can give you is:

--H ceases all contact with the OW or anyone connected to her. This would apply to you to.

--Get a marriage contract in writing that he will agree to NC with the OW, be sure to include a clause that requires counseling

--Set boundries for the both of you and demand he stay within those boundries. We all have boundries.

--Stick to your guns so to speak and stand up for yourself. Put your foot down.


Me- 49
W- 40
No Children (lost 2 miscarriage)

WA- June 2011
Separated Aug 2011
Counseling- Oct 2011
Reconciled- Dec 2011
Cont'd Counseling Jan-Jun 2012
Separated- Jul 2013


Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Oklahoma
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is SO WRONG....
My WS admitted he broke the NC and told the OW I may try to call her husband so she obviously gave him the heads up.

So what are YOU going to do about your idiot husband breaking NC and throwing you under the bus to protect his whore?


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6114 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
omgnome
♂ Member
Member # 36888
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it's been said before, but I have to say it.

You did the right thing.

I was in the same situation, I was screamed at by the OMW that I was some crazy guy. Fine, okay, whatever. Months later I'm able to look back at the incident and realize that I did all I could.

If they don't want to believe you then it's their problem. They've been warned/told. You did your job, if they want to live with blinders on that's their problem.


You have no further obligation to them. I would say you have none to your WS either. They do not have your needs as their priority.

You need to make you your priority. You need to take care of yourself and put yourself first. Do what you need to do.


BS

Posts: 214 | Registered: Sep 2012
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a BS. I found out back in 2010 my 32 yr old h was having an affair with our 45 yr old married realtor. His second go at it with her. They had a brief EA in 2007/2008.

Any how. The shock of the affair, the shock of it being her AGAIN and the shock of her being older was enormous.

I must say im really disappointed at all the judgement i feel im seeing being thrown this BS way. Wtf!

All this," i would do this".... "i wouldn't stand for that"...."why haven't you left or kicked him out"....Wow!

I have been here 3 yrs and I'm just disgusted.

Determined99 ..I'm so sorry! I have no advice or witty words. Im just so sorry as a BS.

Edit because i accidentally put wrong username for the BS who made the original post!

[This message edited by sunflowergirl30 at 10:21 AM, July 22nd (Monday)]


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1058 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
sunflowergirl30
♀ Member
Member # 28979
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just think its pretty shitty..

Telling this BS..what to do! Talking at her instead of to her and questioning her judgement! For f*cksake shes the BS!

Very different from how I remember being treated and talked to 3 yrs ago.

Some of you BS imo need to check yourselves and have some empathy and better tact on top of a heavy dose of compassion!


Together 20yrs married 17yrs
2 kids, now 18 & 15
Bw: now 37
Wh: now 36
Mow: now 49
1st D-day EA w/mow our realtor 4-?-2007, 2nd D-day PA w/ same mow 5-29-2010

Posts: 1058 | Registered: Jul 2010 | From: Pacific Northwest
Topic Posts: 35
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