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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I have lost my fave band - triggering hard
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 12:33 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWSO wants to go to see the band Journey. It was always "our" favorite band, so I was excited.

Then I started to say, I had so much seeing them with a GF 2 years ago. UH OH, it just clicked. I dug out the tickets, yes I save those stubs. You bet that was the night of his ONS with xDBC.

He has no idea I have put the dates together. I cannot go, I just can't. I would spend the whole night a mess.

So I have lost my fave band, even though R is going good the fallout keeps sneaking up.

I am dreading this convo but I have to tell FWSO the deal.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 12:43 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey...gimme a minute.

I am pulling off my bitch boots, it appears you need to borrow them, for yourself

Seriously. Can you reconsider? Can you just take this back ?

Maybe remove the thought from your head that you will be a mess.

Give yourself the ok to go and not be a mess, but to be meh...you may just find you have a great time.

The A and it's aftermath take so much from us, please don't let it take anymore.

Don't give it, them, him or her that much power.

(((hugs))) and strength

[This message edited by karmahappens at 12:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Garnet
♀ Member
Member # 39070
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You go see journey for you!! Don't let the affair ruin a great time to make new memories for you and your husband!! Take charge and have fun for you!! Love journey and girls from MA!!! Haha


Garnet☀

Posts: 84 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: MA
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go. Please go. Get yourself all dressed up, have a great dinner, and then go rock out. Journey is YOUR band you go take them back and put them back on your play list.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4856 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 4:48 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't stop believin'
]Hold on to the feelin'

Wow! You just gave away your FAVORITE band to a ONS? Who's in charge here?

Music can be magical and, IMHO, has healing properties.

Make FWSO pay for the Journey tickets. GO! See what happens...

Bet you get swept away by the positive energy!!

]Hold on to the feelin'


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
FeelsSoRight
♀ Member
Member # 28377
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When my H & I were S'd, he saw a woman who was also a Sammy Hagar fanatic like me. He actually tried to sneak some of my stuff out when he was getting "his stuff". So I politely took all my Sammy stuff to my parents' house. LOL

But I have to say - and I'm a true "Redhead" (Sammy superfan) - I even have a tattoo...but for quite awhile after we R'd, I still had a really hard time with anything Sammy for awhile. But I have overcome it now - just takes time - and we are going to see him Aug.31st here and I can't wait!

Don't let them take Journey away from you...just don't.


Me - W - 48
Him - H - 47
Together since we were 14/15
Married 27 yrs in August (renewed our vows in 2011-H's idea!)
DD-23, DS-15
Separated for 7 mos & were 3 wks from divorce when we reconciled
Happily R for almost 4 years

Posts: 1450 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: MO
ladies_first
♀ Member
Member # 24643
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By my count:

Journey: 5
affair: 0

Unscientifically, that's Journey 100%


"We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." ~J. Campbell
"In the final analysis, it is your own attitude that will make or break you, not what has happened to you." ~D. Galloway

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jun 2009
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Journey!!

With as loud and crazy as it will be at the concert, you won't have time to think about the A.

Go! Go!! Go!!!


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you guys so much!!

HE knew something was up when he got home. It all came spilling out. He was horrified that I could put the date that specific, DUH not stupid.

Well turns out he had weekend planned. They are couple hours north of us. He booked weekend away, made plans for sky dive(we always wanted to do that together).

So I am gonna try to take them back. I know & now he knows we may have moments but we shall see.

I know actual PA was a ONS but the EA went on for a few months.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 8:50 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you! Have a blast !


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sodamnlost
♀ Member
Member # 37190
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!!! I had the biggest crush on Steve Perry in middle school - I'm jealous!


If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's not a fluffy pink unicorn squirting liquid rainbows, complete with pots of gold out of it's ass.

Posts: 766 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Nowhere pretty
shatteredheart7
♀ Member
Member # 39734
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!

I have found the best way to deal with my triggers is HEAD ON COLLISION! I refuse to let his A take anything else away from me! But I am known by many as the most stubborn person they know so...


Me~40
FWH~46
Married 8yrs
Together 11 1/2
Me~ 3 kids, 21,17,14
Him~no kids
A with a mutual "friend" for 2+yrs
He confessed 9/9/12
A was over 2/12
7/13~ Happier than we have been in yrs!

Posts: 240 | Registered: Jul 2013
cissi
♀ Member
Member # 21737
Default  Posted: 10:37 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you!!! I had the biggest crush on Steve Perry in middle school - I'm jealous!

Too bad he isn't with the group anymore. Love, love his voice.

Or, is he back with them?? When they play at the casino here, it's not with him.


Posts: 1417 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Southern California
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No he has major health issues so unfortunately Steve Perry is retired.

Their new lead singer was actually found in the Phillipines at either some talent thing or Youtube - can't remember. He sounds just like him.


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When is your weekend away Undecided?

I hope you update us on what a great time you had. I really think you are going to surprise yourself.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3822 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Topic Posts: 15

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