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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Mother-in-law has zero sympathy for me
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She was the OW 29 years ago. She ended up pregnant and kept the baby (my Hs older brother) and still today she has the audacity to say that he was unfaithful to her and played games with her heart. After my H admitted to having an A, she was nice to me for about 2 weeks. Now that she thinks everything is peachy, shes back to treating me like shit. Claiming im a lazy, crappy mom and wife and tries to use this situation to victimize herself. She treats all of use (our 2 sons included) like shit, I feel like she genuinely hates us but shy denies it. She said my son had disabilities (slow and adhd) before he was even born, hes a healthy 5 year old now. She wants nothing to do with my 1 year old son. She thinks we should just get over it because she "did". Im tired of it, ive been dealing with her psychotic ass for almost seven years. Her excuse for her treating us this way is because of "tough love" and we have never experienced how stressful "real life" is. Those words have came out of her mouth several times. So I guess she has taken it upon herself to make our lives as stressful as she can. She also told me that my H had been cheating on me for months, he was beyond pissed because the A was all of 2 weeks. I feel like she said that to get me to leave him, why else would she say that about her son and then continue to do and say things to make our R harder. How do I get her out of my life? H is done with her too.

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 8:18 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Skan
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You divorce her. Simple as that. If your WH is through with this abuse too, you both send her a NC letter, telling her that as she is toxic to each of you individually and as a family (including the children), you choose to cut her out of your lives. And then you 180 her and enforce NC. Hang up when she calls. Close the door in her face if she comes over. Make sure that the schools know that she is not to pick up nor have anything to do with your children.

I've had to do this to toxic relations. It sucks the really large Richard, but it was well worth it mentally.


Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012



Posts: 4943 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
HurtButHopeful?
♀ Member
Member # 25144
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, you D her. A letter from your WH to her should do it.

Didn't tell my MIL b/c I knew she would sympathise with WH and somehow find a way to blame me. Saved myself more victimization by not telling her...she was OW too. She D WH's dad to M H #3, WH's stepdad, who actually ended up being a decent guy (except for the fact that he was the OM until the D)

[This message edited by HurtButHopeful? at 8:44 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


Reconciliation means that we both are authentic and vulnerable. I still have my H, and he's a better man than ever!

Posts: 1716 | Registered: Aug 2009
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 8:51 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried cutting her out of my life about 2 years ago but my H and father-in-law gave me a bunch of bull shit about respect. I was done with the respect tug of war. I will talk to my H about it, im sure he will concur. Thank you.


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shes back to treating me like shit.

Her being an OW and you a BW, then, doesn't have all that much to do with it if she's been treating you like shit for years.

I agree - divorce her. You don't have to divorce FIL if you don't want to, although he may side with his W. If WH makes a stink about it and you're in the mood to compromise - then he can see her/have a relationship with her. But not you and the kids. If she's treating the kids like shit then - her ass goes to the proverbial curb like yesterday.

I tried cutting her out of my life about 2 years ago but my H and father-in-law gave me a bunch of bull shit about respect.

Then draw an iron clad boundary that you don't listen to their two cents on the matter. If YOU want to discuss it with them, then cool. They try to talk to you about cutting her out? Walk away. Don't even entertain it because it sounds like they are successful at guilt tripping you.

[This message edited by RockyMtn at 9:08 PM, July 17th (Wednesday)]


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:06 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow. Your MIL sounds like a nasty piece of work. I am with the others on D'ing her.

Respect. Why? Why does she deserve your respect? Becaues she she older? Give me a break. And treating the kids badly? That just seals the deal for you and makes it easier to walk away now doesn't it?

H can see his mom. You don't want, need or have too.
LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2462 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 17th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with everything except the BW/OW thing. Yes she has always treated me like shit but since then A, she hasn't had any sympathy for me outside of what suits her. I think its because of her compacity to be the OW is why she doesn't have any compassion for me in my time of need. The betrayer has no perception of the betrayed. Thank you


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
RockyMtn
♀ Member
Member # 37043
Default  Posted: 7:22 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think its because of her compacity to be the OW is why she doesn't have any compassion for me in my time of need.

The woman doesn't sound like she has much compassion at all if she treats children like crap. I guess what I was saying is...even if this woman was not an OW - did you expect here to be compassionate and sympathetic? It just doesn't sound like her character at all.


Me, BS, 30s
Him, WS, 30s, Steppenwolf
Kids: Yep
D-Day 1: September 2011, 6 week EA
D-Day 2: January 2013, discovered EA was a PA; there was another PA in 2010. All TT.
Goal = serenity.

Posts: 667 | Registered: Oct 2012
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shes quite the chameleon, so her ability to act compassionate is extrordenary. Truly feeling sorry for anyone is an insurmountable task for her. So no, not really. I have always been able to see right through her so I know why she doesn't like me, I threaten her imitation life style. The cherade is over and shes knows it.


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
petite71
♀ Member
Member # 36475
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought my Mother-n-law was the only cold hearted person. Dealt with her for 10 years & finally had enough. Mine cheats,lies,& steals. She doesn't know about her sons A & I haven't talked to her since I had Christmas at our house last year. He told me I didn't marry his mother,so he's fine that I don't see or talk to her anymore. That's his mother & I don't stand in the way of him seeing her.


1st DD 03/24/2012 2nd DD 07/13/2012 TT A. in 2002 same girl when we were dating.
Status:Getting Stronger...we can get through this & are healing together
BS(me):41
WS(Husband):40
LTA 10 yrs EA/PA 9 times. friends with benefits.
Us..Together 12 yr

Posts: 126 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
wanttogoforward
♀ Member
Member # 29912
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry about the mother in law.... mine was quite a piece of work and tried to ruin my M (and well before the M she tried to break us up many times) until some point where my H finally must have put his foot down.... Your H needs to be the one to tell her she is crossing boundaries... HE needs to talk to her and tell her what is required to have a relationship with him, you, and the grandchildren....
Remember the movie Monster-In-Law? That is what many of us have on our hands.... and unfortunately, your H is the only one who CAN do anything about her behaviors... he is her son and she will change her ways for him... she had no loyalty to you and will continue to behave poorly if he doesn't do something... it is actually PAST the time that something should have been done!

Posts: 1184 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: still lost
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 9:36 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She is toxic and not a friend of the marriage.

You said your WH is tired of her shit too..so I would discuss with him the need to cut her out of your lives...completely. She adds nothing positive to your family,and is making your healing harder.

And,most importantly,she ignores one of your DS's and treats the other one "like shit." You have a responsibility to your kids,to protect them,and it sounds as if she is abusive emotionally and mentally towards them.

Cut her out.

And if your FIL comes to you barking about respect..simply tell him you agree...and because his wife has no respect for you,your kids,and your family,she can have no part in your lives.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7694 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 11:14 AM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I agree...MIL D time. For your KIDS if anything.

Hugs sweetie -

Edited for forgot I was in R forum

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 11:15 AM, July 18th (Thursday)]


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree and plan on using your ideas. Yeah shes pretty nasty. Since the day I met her shes been as mean as possible. The first time my H left me alone with her, she went through old pictures, found the ones of him and his exs and went on to tell me how pretty, nice and how good they were to him. Both of his exs before me had cheated on him. Maybe she only approves of other cheaters?.. Or just the ones that wouldnt make for long term relationship? Idk about my H but she wont be getting my new number or any other info pertaining to me or my boys. Thank you


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Gottagetthrough
Member
Member # 27325
Default  Posted: 7:19 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh, if your wh is on board with cutting her off, do it yesterday.

Does she live close?

Expect some tears, etc when you tell her you don't want anymore contact, but stay strong, you don't need anyone tearing down your kids. Just think of them.


Posts: 1401 | Registered: Jan 2010
DoneWithLove
♀ Member
Member # 39380
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, she lives about 10 minutes away and we rent the house she owns because she couldn't sell it, afford to maintain it or make her payments. It sat empty for over 6 months because she would not rent to us even though our lease was up and had nowhere to move to because we couldn't afford a security deposit. Now that my H has a great paying job and benifits, we are planing on moving by october. The place we found is about 30 minutes away from her and down the street from my mom, who btw has been nothing but supportive... Even for my H and our R. Im excited to be going back to the city, ive been stuck in this shot hole town with his family for almost 7 years... 7 years to long. Not to mention the money we will save on gas because he will be closer to work, our councillor, and most of our favorite places! Thank you

[This message edited by DoneWithLove at 11:18 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


BW: Me (24)
FWH: Him (24) Jlaz1988ws
Together 11/12/06
2 sons, ages 5 and 1
Married 9/29/12
EA turned PA with OW/ coworker for 2- 4 weeks
D day 4/20/13
TT 4/20/13 - 7/30/13
"R" 5/3/13

Posts: 191 | Registered: May 2013 | From: The mitten state
Topic Posts: 16

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