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Newest Member: SoLostStillNumb (44248)

Divorce/Separation     Print Topic    
User Topic: Wasband Married?
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((inconnu's boys))))


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh Nik...

It sucks when they give us evidence over and over again of what insensitive stupid idiots they are.

You might be an idiot if..... (this could be an after dinner game at your house. JAMF has given you plenty to work with.)

I am so sorry. (((hugs)))


Me: 43, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5587 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um. Seriously? How do you not tell your kids? What the fuck is this dude's malfunction? Stupid, stupid wasband.
And I feel the need to throw in an FTG.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4546 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a Doosh. Seriously, that is a large cup of crap he's serving your kids.

Does he think they won't notice?!?!??


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3523 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does he think they won't notice?!?!??
I seriously doubt he "thinks" at all. At least, not about anyone other than himself.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK and kids)))

What a shit pickle.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 10 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 8, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

I'm getting out of here.


Posts: 1706 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
FieldsOfLavender
♀ Member
Member # 39154
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NIK, is your daughter's behavior treatment related to your XH's wayward conduct.

Posts: 186 | Registered: May 2013 | From: East Coast, USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 10:20 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NIK, is your daughter's behavior treatment related to your XH's wayward conduct.
No it isn't. DD is special needs. She is on the autism spectrum, and the treatment is related to that as well as some other neurological conditions.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I don't know what the problem is. I mean, it's true love, and true love doesn't have to bow to all of these silly conventions, like telling your children that you're engaged to be married. I mean, who does that anyway? That's SO yesterday.

Stupid jackass. And what the hell is HIS ring? A man-gagement ring?

I'm sorry for your kids, NIK. Mine are beginning to grasp what a jerk their father is. It's so sad.


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3537 | Registered: Oct 2011
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, I get it, he is WAY out of line not telling his kids.
However, none of our ex's are "normal" people. None of them, these are men/women who think of no one but themselves and those who please them for the moment. Many of these people had "girlfriends/boyfriends/fiances" while still actively married to all of us. He already has made so many bad decisions, why does it continue to surprise us? Oh yeah, cause we are normal and we LEARN from our mistakes.
NIK, you are so much better off raising your kids without having to deal with making correct decisions for the man-child JAMF!!!


Me: 45 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 22, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1675 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 11:19 PM, August 11th (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NIK I don't venture in this forum much anymore. I didn't read all the replies, but...

Glad you are just laughing about it, because really "they" (I use that term for the WS's like ours) do some stupid ass things don't they?

Ugh, I feel for your kids though, having to deal with a father who is not grown up.

Least they a terrific mom like you.


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, I was laughing at it when I thought it was a complete secret. Now that I know it's common PUBLIC knowledge to everyone BUT his own kids? I'm pissed. And I'm trying not to let that guide me at the moment.

I'm meeting with my IC today to formulate an approach. My initial thought is to ask the treatment program to separate our "family therapy" so I have a weekly session with DD and the counselor, and they have a separate session with wasband (and potentially his new wife).

I also want the therapist to know that wasband is keeping this secret from DD (as well as the secret that the dog went missing 9 months ago, and hasn't been found).

I KNOW he's a selfish, flawed, immature maroon. I just keep getting smacked with new record lows for his behavior. Hit bottom already, asshole!


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NIK and kids)))

FTG!


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1086 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:21 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Real klassy, Wasband.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13559 | Registered: Jul 2011
Snapdragon
♀ Member
Member # 4286
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I KNOW he's a selfish, flawed, immature maroon. I just keep getting smacked with new record lows for his behavior. Hit bottom already, asshole
!


Yeah. Ok. But what about *her*? Who marries someone after only 4 months? Who marries someone without having met their children? She must not be very bright.


Divorced - recovered and hoping to help.

"We're not broken, just bent, and we can learn to love again" ~Pink


Posts: 3070 | Registered: May 2004 | From: Midwest
ButterflyGirl
♀ Member
Member # 38377
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Their selfishness is just unbelievable sometimes..

(((((NIK)))))


xBW~ 35
Two of the most darling sons ~ 10 and 6

Posts: 1991 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Florida, USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From all outward signs, she is a decent person. She treats my DD well, and we have some friends in common who are awesome people. I know she's been widowed for a long time, and (IRONY ALERT) wasband is very good at dating.

I'm sure he looks like quite the catch. And who knows - maybe her late husband was Satan's younger brother, right? So wasband could be a dream match in comparison. IDK and IDC.

As long as my kids are treated well, I have no issues with any of this. BUT... that's why I now have an issue - they AREN'T being treated well. They are being left in the dark. That's all on him. It's his responsibility and he's failing miserably at it.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 7:22 PM, August 12th (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah. Ok. But what about *her*? Who marries someone after only 4 months? Who marries someone without having met their children? She must not be very bright.

I can name a couple!

Do guys get engagement rings these days? I thought it was just women. X wore his wedding band before the big day. Told the kids he didn't want to loose it . The real reason was the secret wedding by a notary 2 weeks after finalization and 5 weeks before the BIG wedding day.

NIK for some reason they go lower than low. I feel for your kids.

Hugs for all of you,

K

[This message edited by Kajem at 7:28 PM, August 12th (Monday)]


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 4840 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 9:03 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just keep getting smacked with new record lows for his behavior. Hit bottom already, asshole!

No matter how low we put the bar they find a way to go beneath it. These fuckers will be digging for years.

I think it was Kajem who said to me once something like "Even though we expect it we're still shocked at how low they really go".

((NIK))


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5403 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 13th (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a noon one-on-one scheduled with the family therapist to discuss my concerns.

Salient points:
1. Wasband is lying/withholding information from DD.

2. I cannot continue to sit in joint therapy with him, presenting a united front to DD when he is actively lying/obfuscating. I refuse to be a party to it.

3. Since he is planning to remarry, his gf/finace/whatever will be DD's stepmother, and will necessarily be part of her family. She should be part of the family therapy as well.

4. I will not put DD through the stress of trying to navigate therapy sessions with me, wasband, and future SM in the same room, nor will I put myself through it. The focus should be on DD and nowhere else.

I'll be asking her to accommodate separate weekly sessions, as they do for many other divorced parents and blended families. I do not foresee any issues with them doing this, although there may be some adjustment period while working an additional session into her calendar.

Following this conversation, I'll be visiting DD this evening and will brief her on the new schedule for therapy. The therapist can notify wasband.

Fingers crossed.


You can call me NIK

Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.
- Plato


Posts: 24414 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 67
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