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User Topic: Pushing myself as a parent
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Backstory, I think I've mentioned before that I lost a sibling that was a baby. DD had heart issues causing her to be born early. It was scary being rushed down a hallway with 6 drs/nurses running along side my stretcher, getting strapped down to an operating table, being knocked out, and not knowing if she would be ok. Then there is the whole "her bio dad" issue. So yeah, I get protective of her. Not "I bubblewrap my kid" protective, but protective. I've seen how short life can be. I'm grateful for each new thing she learns, every part of life she gets to experience...even giving me a hard time. As these are things my sibling never had the opportunity to do.

Over the past few years I have started letting her do more things (that are normal kid stuff) without me, even if it makes me worried. I don't shelter her or keep her in a bubble. She's responsible and the issue is not her, it's my fears.

This week her camp was scheduled to go 1 state over to Dave and Buster's. Normally, I would have said no she couldn't go or I'd go stealth and stalk them. You know, to make sure she got there and back ok. Instead, I let her go on the trip. Cue anxiety attack after dropping her off and add in a good 5hrs of crohns kicking in. Thank goodness, I have a good sense of humor when it comes to my crohns.

She had a great time and I'm glad I let her go. I need to push myself. It's a good thing.

It gets easier, right?

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:41 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It does get easier but becareful that you don't cause your crohn's to act up.

(((Jo)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 51940 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep. And then harder, and then easier, then harder and easier again. Each new step brings new joys to endure, I mean, enjoy with them. Good for you letting her go, but do take care of you. Chrons is no fun!


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5426 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It gets easier!

How old is your DD?

I had to let go a little and let DS go to Busch Gardens with his band... He worked hard and earned the trip.

They left at 8 in the morning and didn't get home until almost 8 at night.

But he had a good time... I had a 12 hour anxiety attack!


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24448 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At it's worst it made me drop to 98 lbs. It's a lot better than it once was. Thank you, both.

Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She's 12. I know I can't shelter her all the time. Hell, horrific things happen even at schools. So, I use my best judgement and nudge myself along.

12hrs, jrc? You are wonder woman. That had to be rough.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 4:03 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
jrc1963
♀ Member
Member # 26531
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Jo... the only way I survived was I told DS under penalty of death he had to text me every few hours and tell me he was still alive.


Me: BSO - 46
Him: FWSO - 68
DS - 12
D-Day - 12-11-09,
R - he finally came home
Your life is an Occasion. Rise to it. - Mr. Magorium, "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium"

Posts: 24448 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Florida
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It gets easier, right?

It sure does.

When AJ went off to college and the local TV station would flash the 10 p.m. curfew notice with the voiceover that would say "Parents - it is 10 p.m. Do you know where your children are?" I finally got to the point where I would say back to the television - "Sir, I have absolutely no idea where he might be."

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21041 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
gma56
♀ Member
Member # 19595
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You sound exactly like my DD40 with GS13.
She had issues letting him experience independence and growing up experiences.
She did get him a cell phone a few years ago. He better have the damn thing on the minute he's out of school and answer her texts within s a few minutes. lol GS13 just rolls his eyes concerning his protective Mom but he is generally okwith it.

I'm not nearly protective of him (I babysat him for 8 yrs while DD worked so very close to him)but I will not be responsible for my actions if some girl breaks his sweet heart.
Gma


BW-Divorced
It's my life now, my choices, my mistakes to make and my victories to celebrate. His choices made me free of liars and betrayers in my life. That is priceless.

Posts: 20368 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Half way to where I want to be.
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 4:54 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are doing beautifully.

You're going to rue the day of offered to be "there" for me, I need a page out of your book every time you write one.

I'll be tracking to see if it does get easier, because I'm a mental case NOW so I have no idea how I'm going to survive 15 more years..


Seriously though, Jo. It's huge that you let her go, and she's going to do great, and she's going to love the independence and love you for giving it to her. All good things.

(((jo2love)))


It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie. -Russian Proverb

Posts: 17058 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Jo)))))

It gets easier, right?
No, but you get better coping mechanisms because you realize you have no choice.

It took me literally two years to let DD drive on the highway. I still get into slight panic mode when she does but I 'manage' it.

Shit...parenting is so tough! But I am proud of you for taking the necessary step to let your DD do normal 12 year old girl things.

(I'm letting my kid get on a plane to another continent in 17 days. Pass the xanax!)


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 37327 | Registered: Sep 2007
click4it
♀ Member
Member # 209
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Aw jo, you are an awesome parent


Me: 41
Two boys: 17 and 13
Divorced 12-13-05
d-day 10-02-01

Laughter will cure life's ills. Have you had your laugh today?


Posts: 25509 | Registered: Jun 2002 | From: California
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. I really needed this feedback. I drive myself nuts.

When she starts dating, I'm still going to chuck frozen mini snicker bars at the boy's head if he makes a move on her.


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 8:06 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(I'm letting my kid get on a plane to another continent in 17 days. Pass the xanax!)

Sending you strength, chocolate, and wine. (((AN)))


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
metamorphisis
♀ Administrator
Member # 12041
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's such a fine line isn't it my friend? If you recall I was whining and moaning in the mod forum because I had just let my 16 year old go on a bus trip to a major city 2 hours away for a concert just a couple weeks ago
She texted me every hour practically just to tell me all the cool stuff she was seeing and it went fine
I know with mine she's almost too cautious sometimes and I was the exact opposite as a teen so I have to find that perfect middle ground of be cautious but don't live in fear ..for both of us. And we need to get them to that place of trusting their instincts because we absolutely won't always be there. But there's no manual that says "Ok this is the day when it's safe to do this or that" and I always wonder if we're ready.
If I can give you any advice for the years ahead it's talk and talk and talk some more. Get ready to hear stuff about her friends and what they are doing and practice your very best "I am listening but not freaking out..see look how calm I am" face
You know it was just dd and I for a number of years too, and though my husband is an amazing step father he does still defer to me with the teen parenting of a daughter.
I strive to find that middle ground between overparenting and sending a kid into the world who's going to take a bite out of it and be awesome in it. I think so far..we're winning.



“We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are.”... Anais Nin

Posts: 44436 | Registered: Sep 2006
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jo))) It gets easier.


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25047 | Registered: Aug 2011
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 9:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, Meta & Nik.

I wish I could keep the horrible people in the world away from all of us and our families. I'd sure worry less. One day at a time.

Meta - I put a rule in place when she was little and it still stands. As long as she tells me the truth, I won't yell. Doesn't matter how bad it is. Now I need to work on my "I'm not freaking out face."

[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:39 PM, July 18th (Thursday)]


Posts: 34709 | Registered: Mar 2011
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 9:42 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jo2love))) Hugs, and it does get easier, or at least you get more used to it and it doesn't seem as bad. I am a mother hen and my youngest is 18 and I still ask him to check in... as well as the older ones!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9694 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mother was randomly protective about stuff. She always said I wasn't allowed to cross the street but she worked nights and I was basically doing whatever since she was sleeping during the day. I don't know what she would expect me to do. When we switched rooms around when my brother left for college, she had my father take out the rose bushes that were under the window in case I fell out the window.

But the point of this is this story here and why you don't want to be too protective. The one thing she was really overly protective about were knives. I wasn't allowed to use a knife. She seriously would cut my steak and I was 18 years old. I swear I didn't know how to cut a piece of meat until my mid 20's. Taking me some place like The Outback was just a tragedy. I couldn't cut my steaks and they'd end up looking like road kill. Half the steak would still be there because I couldn't properly get the meat off. So moral of the story...let your daughter play with knives.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, July 18th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I promise not to be embarrassing at the g2g with my knife skills.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 2, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011

Posts: 1718 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Topic Posts: 27
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