BS here. A while back I posted to one of your threads and suggested you look for another job and see if you can at least get an interview set up and then tell your BS and see his response. One of the things that has always been a problem in my M was that I would have to force my WH to make the right decisions. For example, he has a guys weekend, we're beyond busy, it's not appropriate, it's bad timing, etc, etc. He's going to do it no matter what unless I throw a hissy fit. And that's because it's what he wanted to do regardless that deep down he knew it was screwing me over. BUT since I didn't have a screaming fit saying NO, you can't go - he's going to do it anyway. Any third person who knows us would be puzzled by his decisions in an "isn't it obvious he shouldn't do that?" attitude. So everyone under the sun would know he was being selfish, but since I didn't throw a tantrum he did it anyway. It's called being incredibly self centered.
I finally gave up. I had a f*ck it attitude because I was sick of telling him right from wrong. Sick and tired of parenting a grown man.
In your case, your BS saying "No don't leave your job" is what you want to hear and easy on you. But is it the *right* decision for your family and what you want your end result to be? He may actually want you to stay. But it's also more probable that he is dying for you to come home and tell him you found another job. Show him that YOU are going to step up, fix this, and take the responsibility off of his shoulders. Otherwise he'll be forcing you to do that. And typically us BS have been doing enough parenting to our spouses throughout the M that after we find out about the A - we're sort of sick of that role. Especially given how it turned out for us.
The advice everyone here has given is being repeated over and over: You need to leave that job. Is your free daycare and your daughter having friends she will never remember in three years worth more than her having a family that is stable and together? Please, re-evaluate this. OR, if you won't give the job up then you need to pull the plug, file for Divorce, and get joint custody so you are spending the proper amount of time with your daughter. The way you're living isn't healthy for anyone, including you.
Good Luck and please re-read all of your posts so you can see the common theme of advice from the members here....