Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: dink (44972)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: she came over again!!
Heavy Sigh
♀ Member
Member # 34243
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can she push her way in the home if her BS doesn't want her there?

Maybe, legally. But would it help them reconcile?

I can see your point about wondering if it would help to move back in, Alyssamd24, having read a BS's post here whose situation is similar (his ex wants to move home and he doesn't want her to), except that he is divorced already, which gives him a legal right to say no.


Posts: 1917 | Registered: Dec 2011
uncertainone
♀ Member
Member # 28108
Default  Posted: 5:13 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can she push her way in the home if her BS doesn't want her there?

Reconciling, I would think would be secondary to access to my daughter. No one would keep me from parenting her in person. I know that may be a goal but my priority would be as her mom. That's me. I know every situation is different.


Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth


Posts: 6795 | Registered: Mar 2010
heartbroken0903
♀ Member
Member # 27879
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with uncertainone. I moved out of the marital home after D-day but I guarantee that if we'd had children, shit would have gone down a lot differently.


Me: XWS, 30s, 5-month EA/PA in '09-'10
Husband: XBS, 40s
No kids

Married 2.5 years
D-day 3/6/10
Divorced 5/14/10

Reconciled and remarried.


Posts: 2147 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: the cat's meow
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

AlyssaMD,

BS here. A while back I posted to one of your threads and suggested you look for another job and see if you can at least get an interview set up and then tell your BS and see his response. One of the things that has always been a problem in my M was that I would have to force my WH to make the right decisions. For example, he has a guys weekend, we're beyond busy, it's not appropriate, it's bad timing, etc, etc. He's going to do it no matter what unless I throw a hissy fit. And that's because it's what he wanted to do regardless that deep down he knew it was screwing me over. BUT since I didn't have a screaming fit saying NO, you can't go - he's going to do it anyway. Any third person who knows us would be puzzled by his decisions in an "isn't it obvious he shouldn't do that?" attitude. So everyone under the sun would know he was being selfish, but since I didn't throw a tantrum he did it anyway. It's called being incredibly self centered.

I finally gave up. I had a f*ck it attitude because I was sick of telling him right from wrong. Sick and tired of parenting a grown man.

In your case, your BS saying "No don't leave your job" is what you want to hear and easy on you. But is it the *right* decision for your family and what you want your end result to be? He may actually want you to stay. But it's also more probable that he is dying for you to come home and tell him you found another job. Show him that YOU are going to step up, fix this, and take the responsibility off of his shoulders. Otherwise he'll be forcing you to do that. And typically us BS have been doing enough parenting to our spouses throughout the M that after we find out about the A - we're sort of sick of that role. Especially given how it turned out for us.

The advice everyone here has given is being repeated over and over: You need to leave that job. Is your free daycare and your daughter having friends she will never remember in three years worth more than her having a family that is stable and together? Please, re-evaluate this. OR, if you won't give the job up then you need to pull the plug, file for Divorce, and get joint custody so you are spending the proper amount of time with your daughter. The way you're living isn't healthy for anyone, including you.
Good Luck and please re-read all of your posts so you can see the common theme of advice from the members here....


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Be careful here. I agree she should find a new job but speaking from personal experience, I quit with the guarantee that I could still pay my half of the finances and my SO was pissed because he didn't want me to quit. I was really close to a promotion to management. We had a huge fight as he saw this as me being selfish and going against his wishes and doing what I wanted again. So by all means find another job but don't expect an immediate positive reaction.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2742 | Registered: Oct 2012
clralb
♀ Member
Member # 17185
Default  Posted: 6:04 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds to me like a bit of passive aggressive behavior on his part.

That is not conducive to a successful reconcilitation.

Edited to fix spelling mistakes. Jeesh!

[This message edited by clralb at 6:05 PM, July 20th (Saturday)]


"To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear."
Buddha

Posts: 681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: southeast
cliffside
♀ Member
Member # 38803
Default  Posted: 6:59 PM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unagie,
Just to clarify, my advice has been for her to look for a new job, at least get to an interview, and tell him that's what she's looking into. Not take a new job and tell him. If she tells him she's interviewing it could be met with a yay! Or Noooooo. But at least he'll have a tangible choice and see she's willing to sacrifice for the marriage.


Me: BS 39
Him: WH 41
2 Kids
D-Day: 2/3/13
Broke NC 3/14
Very skeptically in R for now...

Posts: 269 | Registered: Mar 2013
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 3:56 AM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's true cliffside, my only advice was to not expect immediate acceptance with that choice when he has stated his position on it. And yes passive aggressive has been an apt description but I just wanted to relay my experience in a similar situation.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2742 | Registered: Oct 2012
Topic Posts: 28
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.