When I say that I feel like I don't matter to him, he hears that nothing will ever be good enough. he saaaays that if I tell him I don't feel like I matter ENOUGH or that I want to feel as though I matter MORE, that he will feel as though his efforts are worthwhile.
I get a similar feedback on FWW. She is very sensitive to my criticisms, feels inadequate, is afraid of my anger, etc. The most benign expression of upset or disapproval can cut her to the core.
You can make an effort to use kid gloves when talking with your WH, but do not taking on his hyper-sensitivity as your issue. He still needs to establish the self-confidence and self-affirmation to be able to engage as a full participant in discussions with you.
Productive and mutually respectful resolution of conflict is a goal, but it is not always going to occur without being preceded by a brief expression of frustration or anger.