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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need to vent...Probably too much info
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Frustrated  Posted: 10:51 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're trying to R every day. But I don't feel like there's any progress. There is always something else I have to deal with, that he seems to create or was in the past.

Yesterday wasn't a good day. I had given him an ultimatum earlier in the week. I told him I felt better, knowing exactly what my plan was. I said he needed to tell me whatever else he's lied about, all the truth, and starting after this week, that if anything else pops up, that I'm done. He's out. I've been trying R for 6 months and I am exhausted with new discoveries every week. He told me there was nothing else... So my mind is pretty clear.

Yesterday my 21 year old daughter has some relationship issues, and I spent time consoling her. My 23 yer old daughter had a biopsy on her cervix this week, so it's been a very stressful time to be mom. I had decided my children needed the strong mom I used to be before his shit crumbled me, and that's where it made it easy to know my plan.

When he came home yesterday, it was the second day in a row he made reference to how his (sorry tmi) balls smelled bad. He works as a mechanic and it's 100 plus degrees in his shop. I just assumed he meant sweaty. Well nope, they smell like semen. He claims this is common with guys, when they sweat down there. Ummmm maybe? I don't know. But I do know it's a red flag. He says he'll shower, go mow the lawn, come in and prove it. So we shall see. Anyway, I roll over to think, and he pulls out his laptop and try's watching a series on DVD that was his and his ex's favorite. That set me off. I rolled over and told him to use his earphones, I didn't care to listen to a show he shared with an ex. He got pissed and said "I don't know what the fuck is your problem". With that, I got up, showered, got dressed, and left. I also turned off my location services on my iphone. I was damned if he was going to track me. He should know what a little stress is like. Was that wrong???

I only went for a drive and grabbed a soda at a drive through.

Today, after he left for work, I sent him this message: "I don't plan on texting later. When we're together, and I pretend nothing is wrong, it can be great. But the minute I start showing how I hurt, you're turning into ass mode. And I have no interest for that in my life. You go work. And me, I'll spend my time fixing what the fuck is wrong with me"

His response was "It's the way you act when you go into hurt mode that sets me off" .

So now I'm seeing red. I've never screamed, thrown something, retaliated, or even left him for a period of time. I've sat here and tried to work on things!!! I don't bring it up constantly, we sleep together, jut took a trip together, and still play.

Have I messed up in doing things this way? And his little smelly balls issue, am I being an idiot with that?

Sorry for the vent...I needed to get it out before I do something stupid like play his drum set with a couple of hammers.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jun 2013
hotcoffee
♂ Member
Member # 39700
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I take it he's smelled a lot of other guys' sweaty balls? That is one strange story TS.

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So,when you show him you're hurting over his betrayal,it "sets him off" and causes him to act like an ass?

What is he doing to show you he wants to R?

You say "we're trying to R every day." YOU are..he's not. Im sorry.


((((TrulySad))))

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:09 AM, July 19th (Friday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7310 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
heforgotme
♀ Member
Member # 38391
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"I don't know what the fuck is your problem"

THIS is the problem.


D-Day 11/15/12
5 month PA
Married 20 years, 3 kids
All good is hard. All evil is easy. Dying, losing, cheating, and mediocrity is easy. Stay away from easy.
- Scott Alexander
It was the day I thought I'd never get through - Daughtry

Posts: 1076 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: FL
doesitgetbetter
♀ Member
Member # 18429
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, having lived in the Arizona desert for 3 summers where it gets up to 115 degrees, and my H works outside in a laborious job, I can promise you his balls have never, EVER, smelled like semen. That's a crock of donkey doo.


DDay - Dec '07
Me - BS
Him - FWS
Us - Committed
May 18, 2010 - I forgave him fully!
"Behold, I have refined thee, but not with silver; I have chosen thee in the furnace of affliction." Isaiah 48:10

Posts: 3859 | Registered: Feb 2008
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As a former Ass Nurse I can tell you that working in the humid heat can cause a little known medical condition known as "Swamp Ass" this can be rectified with keeping the nethers clean and as dry as possible. Powders with anifungals is most helpful, a makeup remover cotton pad between the cheeks and taint also help.
Yes there is a funky, musty, male smell that occurs whith this, does it smell like semen? No it smells like man ass.
Does Mr mechanic have a medical degree, or did he just think that it sounded plausable that if you sweat enough around your taters tha your sweat would contain boy juice? That's like when my tits sweat they smell like milk.

Sorry to be so dry and crass, but he is behaving like an ass, and I would go into stealth mode, or just file at this point. He is not doing anything to help you. He wants it all to happy dappy as long as he doesn't have to deal with any of it. That isn't ok.

((((and strength)))


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8222 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How the hell does he smell his balls? He must be very limber.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 3868 | Registered: Dec 2011
hotcoffee
♂ Member
Member # 39700
Default  Posted: 12:54 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tred. You're killing me!

Posts: 59 | Registered: Jun 2013
callmecrazy
♀ Member
Member # 38765
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If he works in 100 degree weather, he should simply smell like swamp ass. If there is no swamp ass smell, but a fresh semen smell...there was cleaning then playing I would suspect.

Add on:
I suppose...how did that lawn mowing test go???

[This message edited by callmecrazy at 2:11 PM, July 19th (Friday)]


Posts: 279 | Registered: Mar 2013
TrulySad
♀ Member
Member # 39652
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the responses! It really is a strange story. Do you ever wonder how the heck we find ourselves in this $hit?

It's helping me, venting, and just reading what you all have to say.

If the circumstances didnt hurt so much, I'd probably be on the floor laughing, never thinking in a million years the smell of the wbf's junk would ever be a subject discussed amongst anyone, let alone strangers. Ughhhhh, I hate everything about this.


Me: Sad, but I will survive

True Love: What I have for my beautiful children.


Posts: 444 | Registered: Jun 2013
Dare2Trust
♀ Member
Member # 21183
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Truly Sad,

I'm so sorry...

I have no experience with the "SMELL" issue - but I did actually laugh-out-loud at some to the responses!

BUT, as for your silly husband watching his and the OW favorite DVD program: I'm sorry - but my husband would be buy a new laptop - because I would have bashed his into a thousand pieces!

It really doesn't appear your husband is moving towards Reconciliation with you. WHAT exactly is this man doing to help YOU HEAL?

If he dared to use the words "HURT MODE" with me again....He'd find his belongings in a Hefty Garbage Bag; and his butt would be out-the-door!

You cannot reconcile this marriage by yourself.

((((hugs))))


Me BS 59
WH 58
Married 19 years
D-Day Nov 3, 2005
Child: Adopted Daughter 21 College Student now

I can understand being alone; but I hate being with someone and feeling lonely.


Posts: 6114 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 4:00 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmm..I suppose I could ask my WH what sweaty balls smell like?

Hey..if I can't laugh once in awhile,I'll go crazy(er).


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7310 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
Catwoman
♀ Member
Member # 1330
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His rationalization is right up there with my ex's assertion that the bottle of lube I found in his travel bag was "medically recommended" because the doctor "encouraged him to masturbate" because of his ED issues. Yeah, right.

Cat


FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 25 and 22. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."

Posts: 29585 | Registered: Apr 2003 | From: Massachusetts
UKlady
♀ Member
Member # 39058
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((TrulySad))) - have things improved for you since this post? It does sound strange what he said about the sweat issue.... as others have mentioned too.

Are you in IC or MC or both? It would be interesting for him to go through this story with a counsellor present I feel - see if they are sympathetic to his stinky balls!

Reconciliation takes two - and it takes a bigger, HUGE effort on the behalf of your WS.


Me: BW 45
Him: WH 48
Married: 6 years, together 9 years
D-day: 3 January 2013 - he confessed.
A: June-Dec 2012
No children.

Posts: 153 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: UK
Topic Posts: 14

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