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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Anniversary
Undone1
♀ Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have mixed feelings about celebrating my anniversary. I feel that I would be triggered all day by the A and my fWH not keeping his vows. Isn't the reason you celebrate an anniversary is because you both took vows to be faithful to one another. What am I celebrating now? I can't even look at cards.

How did others get thru their anniversary after DDay?


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
RedRose
♀ Member
Member # 39584
Default  Posted: 9:23 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't think we had anything to celebrate, but also would have been hurt if my WH had ignored it. We decided that instead of celebrating it as an anniversary, we would celebrate it as a new start together. We made plans just to go out to dinner together, but he also surprised me with two flower deliveries and a necklace during the day. It ended up being a great day.


BW-35
WH - 35
2.5 year LTA

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jun 2013
Changed72
♂ Member
Member # 38723
Default  Posted: 10:26 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine, just being two months after Dday was hard. I gave her all the responsibility of planning it. She did a great job. We went out for dinner and a comedy club. I really needed some laughs, and we had a good time.
As far as any gifts or a card, I couldn't even make myself get her anything. I would have been lying to myself, at that time.


Me-38
Her-41
Married 15 years
1 DD13
DDay 3-2-13
Working on R

Posts: 71 | Registered: Mar 2013
Daisy312
♀ Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 10:39 PM, July 19th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had my FWH plan the date, and we celebrated a new beginning too. I didn't buy a card or gift. He wrote me a really nice heartfelt letter. We had dinner and drinks at a new restaurant and wine bar. We both cried a little, but It actually turned out to be a really nice evening that gave me some hope.

Posts: 282 | Registered: Sep 2012
FR2012
♀ Member
Member # 36345
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FWW here:

Our first wedding anniversary was about 6 months after D-Day. It was really hard for my husband and I totally understand why as just 5 months after we got married is when I had my A. Horrible I know.

We didn't do too much for our anniversary though. I planned for us to just go out for dinner and a movie. It was good. We didn't have our daughter with us and we just had a relaxing night out. I know it was hard for him to celebrate and honestly, I wasn't expecting anything at all from him. He told me that if I wanted to do anything, for me to plan it. So I did. We ended up having a good time. There was a bit of hurt and sadness during the night though.

I also got him a card and wrote new vows for him and a photo album that I had engraved. I filled half the album up with old pictures and left the other half blank so that we can fill it with new happy memories.

I know that I totally screwed up what our vows meant. I have a long term plan to renew our vows one day. Have a little wedding with our kids and family. It won't be for a long while though. That way we have more time to grow as a couple and strengthen our relationship.

If you don't feel up to it though, don't celebrate it. If you want, have your WS do something.

Hope that helps.


BH (him): 28 ~ FWW (me): 27
Together 9 years
2 kids
D-Day: April 19, 2012

Posts: 167 | Registered: Aug 2012
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, July 20th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our first anniversary was 7 months after dday, It was our 20th.

We were in R, nowhere near healed....but we still celebrated us.

We got married young, had kids and walked into the life unknown with little/no experience.

We have had great moments of team work and togetherness and we have had moments where we have failed one another. His A was a huge failure, but it didn't mean our M was.

We did what I believe married people are supposed to do.(with 2 willing people...some people need to S/D and that is for them to decide) We fought to get back on track.He fought hard and worked at fixing himself. We went through pain and heartache, healing and little victories along the way.

So we celebrate our Anniversary, because we are every piece of our M. The good, the bad, the happy and the broken. It's our story and because there are some painful chapters in the book doesn't mean it isn't still a great story....

You have to do what works for you, but IMO giving your H the gift of continuing your story seems good enough reason to celebrate.

(((hugs)))


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3850 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
Undone1
♀ Member
Member # 37683
Default  Posted: 2:36 PM, July 21st (Sunday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the wonderful responses. My fWH and I talked about it last night and his take on our life right now, is that we need to celebrate everyday; love each other to our fullest everyday. He apologized for causing us to have to re-think our anniversary date.

I still have mixed feelings and as it looms closer, I am sure I will be all over the map from celebrating it to not celebrating and maybe something in between.


Undone1
Married 10+ years to my high school sweetheart
DDAY 10/27/12
Me 55
WH 55
Blended Family: 25, 21, and 20
Married 10 years
"The Universe Unfolds as it Should"

Posts: 301 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Missouri
Topic Posts: 7

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