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Newest Member: Hurtlostempty (45065)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Well, more stuff of mine that he ruined
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You've already gotten terrific advice here but I just wanted to send a hug.

(((( NG ))))

I totally agree about saving a portion of the quilt it possible, rather than losing the whole thing. Hopefully a restoration place can help with the pictures.

And I completely agree about not spending ANY time boxing or organizing his stuff. It only needs to go into ONE sort: yours (keep) and his (bag). If he doesn't come get the bags by the deadline you set, they are trash. Since I'm new here I've not seen all your posts and don't know your entire circumstance, but it sounds like this is all stuff he left behind, aka "abandoned." Don't put more effort into his crap than he did!

Because most important here, is your TIME.

Every minute you are sorting out crap for him is a minute you are not living for YOU.


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 866 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 11:47 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have taken inspiration from this thread and am no longer sorting his stuff & packing it carefully. It's just being put in boxes and I no longer give a shit if he can ever find anything of his. I am too good of a person to deliberately destroy his stuff, but I will at least not care at all if he has to open every damn box to find what he might be looking for. I don't care.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 11:56 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bravo, NG!!!

Doing the happy dance for you!

So glad that you got inspiration from this thread. These SIers are amazing; I didn't even pick up on the factthat you were carefully packing up his stuff.

Hope you find something that is not damaged - you will definitely have to post about it.

P.S. What percentage of the garage have you gone through?


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

At this point I think I've gone through 100% of the garage. I don't think there's anything left. I'm at a point where I can start putting boxes of MY stuff and the KIDS' stuff back on the shelves, keeping STBX's crap in one section by the outside door. When he finally collects it all (has to be by court order, can you believe it???) I'll get to reclaim that space, too.

The kids & I are having fun imagining what we'd like to do with the space. It's a two-car garage, only packed full of boxes. We've been thinking we'd like to make room for our car again, but then what should we do with the other side? We've talked about making it an exercise space, or a playspace, or I don't know. It's fun to let our minds wander.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9714 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
fallingquickly
♀ Member
Member # 36599
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you haven't tossed the quilt I have a suggestion. Have as much restored as possible. Then cut what's left into square sections. Use those as an inspiration for a larger quilt.

I did this with some embroidered squares that my mother had from her grandmother. I added solid squares and some squares that I pieced. I added three varied size borders and then finished it. I gave the quilt to my mother.

If the pieces that can be saved are small you could add and make a hanging from it. Any way to save a bit of your history.


Me-BW 50
Him-STBXWH

2 Ddays and lots of TT
divorcing

Scars remind us where we've been. They don't have to dictate where we're going. (Criminal Minds)

I saw him, I could not unsee him. -StrongButBroken


Posts: 453 | Registered: Aug 2012
numbandnauseous
♀ Member
Member # 34525
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurray for going through 100% of the garage - I can't believe it!!!

But...... does that mean that there will be no more "garage" threads?

Sounds like you and the kids are well off to your new beginning WRT the garage - enjoy! You. have. earned. every. bit. of it.!!!!!!


BS (me) - 41
WH - 48, EA with HS GF x 2
M: 10 years, T: 20
2 small children
DDay#1 - Christmas 2011 (OW#1)
Confronted - 4/6/12
DDay#2 - July 9, 2012 (OW#2)
He is an SA (Oct 2012)
Divorcing

Posts: 827 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: the other side
Phoenix1
♀ Member
Member # 38928
Default  Posted: 12:26 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am too good of a person to deliberately destroy his stuff, but I will at least not care at all if he has to open every damn box to find what he might be looking for.

I am with you on that. When I was packing my POS's stuff I had to fight my OCD to pack it neatly and organized. I was able to at least just throw it in boxes with no labels, no organization, no tape on the boxes, nothing. It wasn't destroyed as I couldn't do that, but from my OCD perspective it was a disaster, and I could live with that knowing he wouldn't be able to find anything easily.

You're doing great NG!


BS - Me
XPOS - too many OW/OCs over 20+yrs
Kids - DDs 23,17 -DS20 Deceased
M Dissolved 2013

This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man ~ Shakespeare, Hamlet


Posts: 1137 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Rising out of Hell's ashes!
gypsybird87
♀ Member
Member # 39193
Default  Posted: 1:11 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you, NG! He can start figuring out how to get organized without your help- he's going to be doing it for the rest of his life.

The only sorting I did when packing my XWH's stuff was to take every card he'd ever given me - anniversary, valentines, etc - and put them all neatly in a hanging folder labeled "LIES YOU TOLD."


Me: Enjoying life
Him: Someone else's problem

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. ~ Anais Nin


Posts: 866 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Oregon
Dagny07
♀ Member
Member # 16928
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ScanCafe does a great job with photos; check out the website: http://www.scancafe.com/services/photo-restoration


Me:BW Him: FWH E/A
M: 29 years, together 36 : both guilty of PAs 20+ years ago
CDay#1 Oct 06 (false); DDay#2 Oct 07 (truth from OW's BH)
R: Tenaciously optimistic

Posts: 832 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Midwest
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom just helped someone with old-old quilt pieces. She used the salvagable pieces and added complimentary fabics and make wall hangings and a table runner.

Don't throw that entire quilt out yet....see what you can salvage from it.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 2:34 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

PS - as you see from the OP, unfortunately you are not alone. All sorts of stuff has mysteriously gone 'missing' in my home too.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Ashland13
♀ Member
Member # 38378
Default  Posted: 6:23 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry, Nature Girl. I know it's not enough, but I'm very sorry.

It seems as if each discovery is another caliber of what he is capable of?

I would imagine that you are documenting it and/or taking pictures of your damaged items?


Ashland 13

A person is a person, no matter how small. -Dr. Suess

Perserverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages.

-George Washington


Posts: 2239 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: New England
Topic Posts: 52
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