And I hope that your username doesn't reflect what you think happened between your WW and the OW a mistake. Mistakes are what happens when you forget to put the milk in the refrigerator and it sits out on the counter all night. What your WW made wasn't a mistake, it was a DECISION. She decided to do it. It wasn't an oopsie, carried away by the passion of the moment, etc., it was a decision that she made. Don't let her or anyone else minimize that fact.
It's a bit slow here on the weekend, so please don't feel as if you're being ignored. Things pick up on Monday morning. We are all here to help support you. (((hugs)))
D-Day, June 10, 2012
As always,excellent words of wisdom from Skan. Keep posting here and these wonderful folks will give you solid advice based on collective experience.
You will get through this.
For a bit of beginning guidance to hopefully help you with your visit. I would recommend writing in a journal everyday. Write like you are talking to her, scream, curse whatever you need and then go thru the journal and pinpoint what issues keep coming up. It's easy to express our hurt as anger when we are in front of our WS's and typically that won't get you a response that is helpful ( they'll be defensive or angry usually ) when you go thru your journal after a few days you'll see some patterns and you can maybe formulate a way to express the persistant issue to your wife in a way that is clear and calm. I recommend thinking about what you want from your wife before you speak, if you need comfort be clear about that. Sometimes I would want my H to hold me and apologize and I'd lash out in anger "how could you do this, what is wrong with you" obviously, that didn't lead to a hug but if I said "i'm hurting right now and i need you to support me" he did, everytime. In true R your spouse want's you to heal they might not know how to fix it but they will do whatever you need them to do if you ask so keep that in mind, they don't know what you need.
I hope that helps a little. It's a long process and you just have to deal with it one piece at a time. find an ic, read all the books and talk productively with your spouse.