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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Positive Post...What's the best thing....
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 12:19 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

about your relationship?

I posed this question to INAB last night and here's what he said (and I totally agree):

*honesty
*we make our relationship a priority
*we enjoy each others' company
*we COMMUNICATE - openly and honestly
*we have a true partnership - he has my back and I have his. We are a TEAM
* and most importantly - RESPECT

I was at a loss for words. I cried - tears of joy. We have both worked so very hard to get to this point so hearing him say that to me was like a melody from heaven.

So, SI family, what exists now that didn't before? what's the best thing about your relationship? Clearly, you don't have to limit it to one thing - as you can see by my post PLEASE KEEP IT POSITIVE!!!!


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5939 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
DixieD
♀ Member
Member # 33457
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Exactly what you said MJ!

I'll add appreciation, dedication, determination.

My husband and I thanked each other more than once yesterday for the wonderful weekend we both had. We love going to bed with a smile on our faces.

Thanks for starting a positive post


Growing forward

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Sep 2011
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh I love yours, Dixie.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5939 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
forgivingnow
♀ Member
Member # 33549
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved this. You should put this in the positive R story thread at the top. It must feel good to believe those words.


Me-BS 51
FWH-51
M 31 yrs.
Dday 3-19-11, TT 10/2011, Full truth July 2013
Strength comes from within. You can't get it from someone or go somewhere to get it. It is already here, waiting to be used when you need it most. Believe in yourself.
R

Posts: 614 | Registered: Oct 2011
SorrowBhindSmile
♀ Member
Member # 38139
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great post!! We are still early in the process...but....

what all you guys said.....plus....

*my WH has found a dedication to our marriage and family that is so much deeper than before.
*I feel as tho my WH and i really HEAR each other when we talk now. Our communication skills have improved tremendously.
*my WH and i have also gotten in the habit of thanking eachother for random acts of kindness....the very BESTEST part....it that has rubbed off on our children and they have started doing it!!!!!!


Me: BW
Him: WH
OW: My former "dear friend"/neighbor
Married 20+
Kids: 3
D-Day 12/2012
Committed to R 7/8/2013
"Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle"

Posts: 357 | Registered: Jan 2013
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We love each other so deeply

We have a ton of fun together...and are always looking for new things to do/try.

We leave each other love notes on our whiteboard regularly

We make our relationship a priority over everything...even parenting. Our kids are all adults and we have always had this mentality...they all turned out really well btw

We still have absolutely amazing sex...often...lol

We are both still really attracted to each other

Since this little bump in our road, we appreciate what we have now more than ever.

I could go on but the bottom line is that it's really good and we are healing nicely from this. Slow and steady.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 28, 25, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 316 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 9:17 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm...

He is very patient with me.

No matter how many tantrums I throw, no matter how stressed out I get, no matter how much I scream and yell and stress the little things...he is patient with me and he forgives me.


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What a great post MJ! Thanks for starting it.

We are putting our M first!

Checking in + Reaching out,

Fall asleep holding hands

Connecting feels great AND our kids are happier bc of it.

LA


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2322 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
CatchyUsername
♀ Member
Member # 39415
Default  Posted: 5:50 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best thing about our relationship (3 months since DDay) is that we are both trying so hard. WH has been amazing. As soon as he sees my face change when I start thinking about the A he jumps right into support more. We have amazing sex - when it happens - we both still REALLY want that connection - and when I stop/block sex it is never because of how I feel about him - rather just feeling the A.

Posts: 191 | Registered: Jun 2013
Hrtbrken1
♀ Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We talk about our feelings
Deeper intimacy with each other
Gratefulness for the little things in life
Respect for each other
FWH likes to say "We're a team!" now. That makes me feel so good to hear
I love seeing the pure joy on his face when he comes home to his family


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 144 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
Hrtbrken1
♀ Member
Member # 33802
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And I forgot the best thing:

He tries every day to make me feel loved and special!


Me-BW
Him-WH
Together 16 years, married 10.
DDay 07/26/2011, 8 month EA/PA with friend of our family. Months of TT.
DDay#2 Early spring 2012, confirmed EA with another woman.

Posts: 144 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Sunny South
Althea
♀ Member
Member # 37765
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I agreed to R, I said it would only be if I could have the husband of my dreams, and he tries every day to be that man. It isn't perfect, but SO much better than what I had settled for before. I have a good marriage with emotional intimacy. I never realized before all of this how much was lacking in our relationship.

We have both worked and continue to work tirelessly to heal the damaged parts of ourselves and we are reaping the benefits of that.

Last night he told me he wants to post a reminder for himself to do something special for me and our kids every day something out of the ordinary to show us how much he loves us. I like this guy, and I'm finally starting to believe that he is around to stay


Taking it one day at a time.

Posts: 457 | Registered: Dec 2012
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAYAYAYAY!! I leave and come back with all these posts. Love it! Keep 'em coming all.

ETA: I definitely see a positive change in our kids as well. We are loving and in turn, they have become more affectionate and loving towards each other and towards us.

[This message edited by MissesJai at 10:15 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5939 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best thing?

He is trying.

And I am letting him. lol

And I am accepting his words of love, and his compliments without sarcasm and disbelief.

I am trying to adjust to this new husband..he has become so attentive,affectionate,helpful,and is truly making a solid effort. I do believe he loves me,and wants this marriage. I believe it..I just need to trust it.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,10
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7503 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just need to trust it.
and that is going to take TIME. Which you are well aware of, confused I'm glad he's not just trying, but doing and that you are accepting of his actions. That's huge for you both.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 5939 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
Topic Posts: 15

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