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Newest Member: KevinTheAsshole (45445)

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User Topic: Verbally very abusive
Not_4Ever?
♀ Member
Member # 14837
Default  Posted: 4:08 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My dear friend is divorced for only 8 months and has a hard time living alone. She met a guy 4 months ago and he is already living with her. He is on disability and do not work.
He smokes and drinks. I mean drinks a lot. Gallons of beer everyday. He pays her $ 400 a month to help with the bills. She pays his phone bill.
When he is drunk he gets verbally very abusive and mean and cruel. He has not hit her yet. She wants him to move out, but he refuses and told her she has to call the cops on him. She is miserable. She don't want to involved the police and according to him he has not hit her therefore he can live there. He is not on her lease or any of her bills. I've talked to her that is not the way it works. I told her you can kick him out anytime. I'm asking you guy's here for some feedback so I can show it to her that she can ask him to leave. I'm afraid it will go worse soon.


The secret to happieness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory!


Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Texas
Pringle
♀ New Member
Member # 39708
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she can throw the scumbag out! and quickly! She must do exactly what he said and call his bluff-call the police. She does not need a leech to tell her what to do, she is stronger than she thinks she is.


Me: BFiance 30
WFiance 33
DD 15.03.2013
In limbo

Posts: 26 | Registered: Jun 2013
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, Not 4ever, but your friend will need to learn a hard lesson about letting people move in with her from this one.

She cannot just kick him out. Unfortunately, by allowing him to move in she effectively made him a tenant, whether he paid rent or not. The fact that he did give her money compounds the problem but it would be a problem either way. You cannot just kick someone out because you are tired of them living with you. Oh, you can tell them to leave but if they refuse to go, you're stuck. She can call the cops but they will tell her it's a civil matter unless he physically assaults her and even then she will have to press charges and follow through on them to keep him out. If she throws him out and changes the locks, the cops will actually help him get back in because he has been living there and it is, therefore, his home, too.

There is only one way to get him out legally. She has to serve him with an eviction notice for whatever term is required in the state she is in for a month-to-month lease. If he does not leave at the end of the notice period, she will have to take him to court to get him out. And she is not guaranteed to win if a court determines that he can keep living there if he keeps giving her $400 per month.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4161 | Registered: Sep 2005
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 4:51 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think she needs to call the non-emergency police number and ask them if she's allowed to have them remove him from HER home. She needs to stop relying on this abuser for information. She needs to take back her personal power and find out information on her own.

She can also call a domestic violence hotline for her area and ask them how to go about evicting this creep.

I do not believe for a minute that she has no resources available to get rid of this person.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9856 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Not_4Ever?
♀ Member
Member # 14837
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if this makes a different....she is also a tenant. She don't own the place. And there is no paper trail about the $400. He gives her cash.


The secret to happieness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory!


Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Texas
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does she have a good relationship with her landlord? Allowing someone to live there who is not on the lease, may be a violation of the terms of her lease. Let the landlord be the "bad guy."


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1249 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Cool  Posted: 5:11 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By letting him live there, she made it his home, too. She may be able to get her landlords involved since he's not on the lease. But, from experience, you would not believe how hard it can be to get someone out who refuses to leave. The courts do not like to leave people homeless and frequently side with someone who shouldn't even be there. Hell, there is a woman in Michigan currently forced to live with a woman who moved into her home without permission while she was working out of state.

Your friend not owning the home may mean that she has no standing even if she does serve him with eviction. She can try but it sounds to me like he knows he can't be removed without a court order. My guess is he's been in this situation before.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 5:12 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4161 | Registered: Sep 2005
Not_4Ever?
♀ Member
Member # 14837
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She told me that he can afford his own place. Easy.. So he would not be homeless.


The secret to happieness is a good sense of humor and a bad memory!


Posts: 313 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Texas
Tearsoflove
♀ Member
Member # 8271
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're missing the point. She let him live there and he wants to stay. Unless he wants to leave, she is going to have a hard time getting rid of him. Whether he can afford to live elsewhere is irrelevant because she LET him move in.

And because she doesn't own it, she may not even have legal standing to evict him. She needs to call someone who can give her legal advice about the laws in her state. And she needs to follow those laws to the letter. If she doesn't, he could sue her and this could end up costing her more than the phone bill she's been paying for him.


"Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand." ~Homer Simpson


Posts: 4161 | Registered: Sep 2005
Getting to Happy
♀ Member
Member # 35200
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter's just went through this.

All you need to do is let the police know that he is trespassing and he refuses to leave. They will stand by while he moves his stuff. Have her plan to change the locks the same day.

She is not the landlord so he cannot squat. And if management knows they will not care what she does because he is not on the lease. It does not matter that he paid her $400. He did not pay it to them. The only way he could force her hand is if had his name on a utility.

Tell her to have no fear and throw him out. It would be good if she had some friends there for back up.

Good Luck

[This message edited by Getting to Happy at 8:25 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]


WS him
BS me DD's 26, 25' DS 23
dd1 1-1-10, dd2 Mothers Day 2011, dd3 3-12-12 Hawaii trip with ho-worker...

Never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.
Unknown


Posts: 1141 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: La La Land
epiphany2006
♀ Member
Member # 10126
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, July 22nd (Monday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She should make it uncomfortable for him while he is there. If he is still sharing the bedroom she should lock him out of it. Don't buy food for him or do his laundry. Put in a change of address for his mail. Invite Mom for an extended visit.Etc.


Me:43 (BS)
Him:45 (WH)
Married 9 years,3 boys, (2-me,1-him)
D-Day 2/14/06 Valentines Day
OW-ONS with someone he met on sexsearch dot com

8/4/06 Stopped another before it got out of the phone call stage.


Three strikes and your out bud!


Posts: 356 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Arkansas
Topic Posts: 11

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