I'M ON THE FENCE
We all have seen our marriages killed by the only other person who could do it besides us...our spouses.
I see you are wondering about other men...this is not weird. I commend you for keeping this thought to a faceless man. I have wondered about other women...but real women. This was a strong temptation for me from about 3 months after DD to about 8 months after DD. Those 5 months were really challenging for me. I, unlike my wife, have always known I needed firm boundaries when it came to other women. I intentionally put effort into NOT creating opportunities to connect to other women. Once I got passed the shock of discovering my wifes A, I seriously wondered if I put too much value in keeping my boundaries so firm. Maybe our vows are not as sacred as I thought them to be? That was a real thought in my head...talk about weird! I see that now.
Now I am so very thankful that I did not give into these temptations...I am not sure where you are headed with your thoughts...but pray on them, read about affairs and revenge affairs, and seek IC....all of those helped me stay committed to my vows.
I don't want to get too preachy...and I think you are perfectly normal and not weird. Just a caution to keep your guard up.
As a man, I know how men can think....if you have a moment of weakness around the wrong man (anyone but your husband at this point in time) and open up to him and share moments with him....well, it is a very slippery slope indeed.
Stay your course with regards to your vows and you will not regret your actions later.
God be with you.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:42 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]
[This message edited by IStillLoveHim2 at 11:09 PM, July 22nd (Monday)]
I think part of my emptiness is because my father was a big philanderer. Big time. My husband knew the toll this took on my family and still he could go out and have his 4 plus year affair and bring the tramp into our home and flaunt it to my face and in the face of our extended family. I can't get around this. I can't figure out how to get around the feeling I've married a stranger. So,
like you, I'm empty. I tell him I love him and I do. But I no longer feel the same depth of love I did before. When he says he loves me, I no longer believe him. Every day during his affair he said he loved me. He would come home after sexing it up with her and tell me he loved me. Seriously, what kind of human being can do that?...so casually
Small signs like a couple of messages at lunch time just make me resent the times when she blanked me because she was with him. I walk down the street with my wife, and look at the couples holding hands, and wish that could be me, and know that I could just reach out if I wanted to. But, that wouldnt do it. The physical act of holding hands isnt whats missing. Its the trust and emotional connection that appear gone forever right now.
EDIT; And, yes, I am the same about other people. I take the train home and every day see half a dozen other women that I would prefer to go home to - some for today, some for longer. Given a chance, I am pretty sure I would too, not for revenge, but to escape the crumbling house of how I see my marriage.
[This message edited by Ixion at 5:36 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]
Most of this change can be good for us...whether we D or R.
One thing is FOR SURE bad for us...if we give into our own selfishness and have an A of our own, before we give our current M a chance and before we file for D. Whether you call it a revenge affair or an escape of a crumbling house...the end result is the same. You will be committing adultery and it will stick with you for a lifetime....you wont be able to undo that one.
Keep the faith brother.
God be with you.
[This message edited by blakesteele at 11:54 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]