(((((abigailadams)))) Hugs for the financial reality and hugs for the fantasies.
And I am so pathetic that I kept feeling afterwards maybe he wanted to see me. Instead of the obvious answer that he is still in the fog and simply stupid. <<< This doesn't make you "pathetic" ~ I think a better word would be hopeful or optimistic.
I had a fantasy that stbx would return fully remorseful with flowers and letters then I remembered that I never got flowers during our marriage so why would I expect them now. I also remembered that he never did anything that required work (marriage, raising children) so why would I expect him to do differently.
I'm sorry you had a crappy day and I hope tomorrow treats you better.