So badly, the doctors observing his behavior towards me when I was in hospital with premature contractions got him out of the room and asked if I was being abused. He was emotionally abusive but because he never hit me, I didn't recognize it for what it was. Also, there were the hormones that made me need everything to be okay.
If men are going to be abusive, it's often going to become apparent when their wives are pregnant. There are so many pregnant mothers here at SI. They abuse us when we are at our most vulnerable because they think they can get away with it. Usually they can
Such wisdom in this entire post! I wanted to quote this particular part, though, because my experience echoes this. While STBX was abusive before I got pregnant, when I did become pregnant he amped up the abuse to orbital levels. He would yell at me so often, so loudly, that I could feel the baby jump inside my womb.
After the birth he abandoned me at the hospital. I had no friends by that time, and no family in town. I was completely alone. The doctors & nurses were so concerned that they assigned a social worker to me.
He only got meaner once Baby was home. Things only got worse, not better. I would have thought the sight of a beautiful baby would turn his heart and finally, finally! he'd be the Good Man I just knew in my heart he could be. No, it didn't work out that way. He just got meaner & more abusive. Imagine nursing your baby and having your husband stomp up to you and actually grab the nursing-still-latched-on-baby out of your arms and rip that baby off your breast, wrenching your nipple so badly you bleed.
And it only got worse after that.
Why tell you this horrible stuff? Because I want you to know that things can get very bad with an abusive man (who doesn't want to be a father in the first place)and a newborn. VERY.BAD.
Imagine a father who puts his baby in the baby seat on top of the stove. BTDT
Imagine a father who lets the baby fall from the kitchen counter on to her head. BTDT
Imagine a father who thinks he should curse in the most vile manner in front of the baby so that the baby will learn to be tough & not take shit from anyone. BTDT
Imagine a father who, when the church ladies bring a meal by for you because you just gave birth and they know you are all alone & hungry, only he eats the damn food rather than give it to you. BTDT
You do not need a "man" like this involved in your life or the life of your babies. You really don't.
Don't do this to yourself. He doesn't want to be a father. He's made that clear. So grant him that wish. It's the best thing.