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Newest Member: lilylilith (44240)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I did it
residencywife93
♀ New Member
Member # 39695
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I filed for D yesterday. I have an incredible lawyer that isn't going to stand for any of his BS anymore. I called him and told him, moved half of the funds from our checking/savings to my own accounts and charged the retainer to our joint credit card at my attorney's advice. He did say "I thought you would have had enough respect to tell me before you filed paperwork, that is a lot of money for an attorney" I told him... "Yeah... I really wish you would have had the respect for me and our marrige to not cheat throughout the entire thing"

Silence.


Since the last time I posted-I have been reading a lot about NPD.... wow. What an eye opener. It's very obvious that his mom has hurt her children by her own narcissistic tendancies. She tried to have kids for several years and was unsuccessful. She had my husband and then started treating her own husband like dirt. Like his role was done. My husband became her support system, her emotional spouse. As soon as I moved out of the house, guess who came and moved in?

I am realizing that she did all of this because she is in competition with her sister about who has the more "successful kids". It is a sad reflection that she feels she needs to use them for her own personal gain. I knew that things were not right with his family... I should have known better. I'm not excusing his affair, but I do feel bad that he was never equipped with the tools to become a grown up. Mommy always fixed everything for him. She's doing it now.

As for me- I feel like by filing, I am truly holding him accountable for his actions, probably for the first time in his life. I will not allow him to sweep this under a rug and I intend on trying to make sure that no one else who gets involved with him goes through the same thing I've been through.

Just want to thank everyone for their support. I will survive this. I know that this moment could be fleeting.. but for the first time in the last two months of hell- I'm the one in control of the situation and it feels so GOOD.

RW


Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Married 9/3/11
Together since 10/2006
DDay 5/28/13
Filed 7/22/13

Lacing up my nikes and running west!


Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 10:29 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. For finding your strength and filing. For making him accountable. For not taking his crap anymore. Just...good for you.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5365 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
heartbroken_kk
♀ Member
Member # 22722
Default  Posted: 10:36 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the club we all never thought we would join!

You will survive, and thive, the further he receeds in your rear view mirror.

Keep posting as you move through the process.


BW then 46, STBXWHNPDPAFTG the destroyer of my entire life.
D-Day 1 1999, D-Day 2,3,4,5,6... 2009 thru 2011.

Separated, divorcing, moving on.
I edit because I always make typos.


Posts: 1086 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
residencywife93
♀ New Member
Member # 39695
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

He always told me not to buy certain things, not to go get my nails done, too expensive, etc. Since I've moved my money over (and since I make a considerable more amount of money than he does) I have bought myself those "senseless" bose noise cancelling headphones. Metaphorically and literally the best purchase I have made in a long time.


Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Married 9/3/11
Together since 10/2006
DDay 5/28/13
Filed 7/22/13

Lacing up my nikes and running west!


Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
dmari
♀ Member
Member # 37215
Default  Posted: 12:36 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have bought myself those "senseless" bose noise cancelling headphones. Metaphorically and literally the best purchase I have made in a long time.

Welcome!! And good for you for transferring money NOW because the ugliness begin shortly. I wish I had charged my retainer on our joint cc ~ that's a great idea! I'm glad to hear you say that you are feeling good! We are here for you! Hugs to you, RW!!


Me (BS): 42 Children: DD 18, DS 15
Mediation date: 7/10/14 and 7/22/14
Final final court date: Oct 2014

Posts: 2113 | Registered: Oct 2012
welcome14
♀ Member
Member # 26741
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^^^^ is funny. seriously funny. you rock!


Nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home- nikki sixx

I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars.


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: clarksville, tn/ Ft Campbell
residencywife93
♀ New Member
Member # 39695
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My lawyer is really the strength I needed to get through this. She isn't going to let him get away with any of his funny business. She told me yesterday that dealing with people like him (rugsweepers) are the type of people that she LOVES dealing with because she won't take the BS.

It feels so good to finally make a move that has him caught off guard. I will still have up and down days, but its almost like I have a reason to be thankful to get out while I can. No kids. I am really luckier than I think. I dodged a bullet... especially with his mom. There are some really scary articles on mother-son enmeshment.... I mean it literally describes their relationship down to his profession and her actions.

It's really sad... he will never be able to have a real relationship. Ever. He was never given the tools to be successful in life without her... which I'm sure she loves. Just sick. really really sick.


Me: BS 27
Him: WH 27
Married 9/3/11
Together since 10/2006
DDay 5/28/13
Filed 7/22/13

Lacing up my nikes and running west!


Posts: 36 | Registered: Jun 2013
Topic Posts: 7

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