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User Topic: Bad day.
Lindy
New Member
Member # 39823
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it's been about a month since d-day for me and my wife and I are trying to make it work. We've been going to MC and we've been getting along pretty well despite my thoughts haunting me constantly. The std question has been bugging me and I finally got the courage to ask her if there was blood taken at her recent doctors appointment. I told her I was worried about a possible std. She flipped out on me and told me it was an insult to her. She proceeded to avoid me and told me to get out of the house and she said she is done with MC. Jeez, I didn't even act this way when she told me about the affair. This isn't fair. I love her so much and I want things to work out so bad. I don't know how it can of she acts like this.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Lonelygirl10
♀ Member
Member # 39850
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have every right to ask her to get an STD test. It was the first thing I insisted on after Dday, because I was scared about whether I had gotten anything. I told him that he had to get tested, and I asked to see a copy of the results because I didn't trust him to be honest about it.


29 Bgf
Dday: April 2013
Relationship ended: January 2014

Posts: 1045 | Registered: Jul 2013
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bullshit.

Tell her that her cheating on you was the ultimate insult. Her having sex with OM was the most insulting and disrespectful thing she could have done to you and the marriage.

Tell her she gets tested..full panel..with the results from the doctor sent to you..or no R.

Even if she claims they used a condom..she must get tested..you too. First,they aren't 100%,second WS's lie,and third, if there was oral then she had unprotected sexual contact.

So she cheats..and tells you to leave the house because you insulted her by asking her to get tested?? You need to put your foot down now,before this WW runs all over you. If she isn't doing everything she should be doing to R with you,then you need to 180 and reconsider staying with a woman who thinks so little of you.

ETA: Have you told the OM's BW yet? Considering the things Ive read in your past posts,I think you need to do this right way. Don't tell your WW or she might warn the OM..and that won't go over well. Tell her. She deserves to know. Your WW doesn't sound too remorseful...it's possible the A has restarted or gone underground. Telling his BW will help blow the fantasy of the affair out of the water. Also..his BW needs to know HER health has been compromised. She needs to be tested.

[This message edited by confused615 at 11:03 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


BS(me)41
FWH 45
4 kids..21,20,11,9
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Happily Reconciled.

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7147 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Really? Her having sex with another man was a compliment to you? Arrrgh. I'm rather upset by her blasé attitude. Do you know what the std rate is in the general population? If I were a betting man, I'd get pretty good odds that she(and you) have been exposed to something. Does she believe that the OM was her one and only? He was faithful only to her?

Brother, get yourself tested. No unprotected sex with her until she is tested.

She flipped out on me and told me it was an insult to her. She proceeded to avoid me and told me to get out of the house and she said she is done with MC.

A reaction like that speaks volumes. She regrets getting caught. There is NO remorse here. Are you familiar with the 180? Ah, I just checked, and you are. Why are you not implementing it?

This isn't fair. I love her so much and I want things to work out so bad.

No, it's not fair. I challenge your statement that you love her. I believe you have the tense wrong. I do believe you loved the person(mask) that she presented to you. I wonder if you really could love a woman who remorselessly, knowingly was willing to ask you to expose yourself to a possible life threatening disease. She is NOT the person you thought she was.

Listen, I know I'm sounding harsh and for that I apologize. I am concerned that you are not seeing the big picture due to the shock of what has occurred. Please re-read the 180. It's not for you to win her back. It's for you to re-discover yourself. Give yourself the time and space to decide if the woman who you are with(not the woman you thought she was) is worthy of a second chance.

I don't know how it can of she acts like this.

Why would you want to?

Strength


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2568 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Lindy
New Member
Member # 39823
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the responses guys. I have a lot to think about. Thanks for being there for me.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: United States
Topic Posts: 5

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