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Newest Member: tryingtolove (44683)

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User Topic: Broke up w So. He's not doing well help
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg just read up on codependance. It's soooo me. I've had a lot of relationships that seem to start out fine but them I degrade into this whiny needy person that even I can't stand!!
And yeah. Should've dumped him after the FB thing'


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@5454
I guess when you put it that way-- nowhere!!
I don't have the money issues he has and I'm not sure what all of his are. It does scare me!


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
heartbroken30
♀ Member
Member # 18437
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do yourself a big favor and go NC. I broke up with someone a few months ago and, even though I knew it was the right thing to do, he was devastated. I felt awful and took his calls and answered his texts to try to help him and explain to him. It felt cruel to not speak to him. Big Mistake. No answer was ever good enough. He just kept trying to convince me why I should take him back. Became stalker-like, showing up at my house. One morning he banged on my door for 30 minutes. When he realized i wasnt coming back he became nasty, calling me names and saying mean things about me. Thankfully, it never became violent or physical. In hindsight, I should have just gone NC.

If you're sure it's over, best thing to do is not talk to him. Kinder to both of you in the long run.


Me - BS 42
Kids 12 and 9
Divorced

Posts: 1846 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: NY
SBB
♀ Member
Member # 35229
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is that a Hoover I hear?

Sorry can't hear you over the turbo hoover.

I too had a weird fetish for the blatantly OTT love bombing, desperate pathetic ones. It felt good to have some so 'desperate' for me that I didn't even notice I wasn't that into him. Hell, I tried to end things with him many times because he was the shallowest, least interesting person I had ever met. But I sure did like the way he loved me though...

The last guy that I went through this with is now known as the sad clown. I felt sorry for him because he was clearly so desperately in love with me....

Oh he was desperate alright - like a parasite looking for a host.

Run. Don't walk.


Buzz- The word you are searching for is 'Space-Ranger.'
Woody- The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there are Pre-school toys here.

Posts: 5532 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Australia
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/revisted-after-the-breakup-hold-tight-to-your-self-respect-stop-trying-to-be-friends-with-the-ex-that-mistreated-you/

Thought of you.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13679 | Registered: Jul 2011
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now he's just telling you what you want to hear. I did this with XSO. I listened and believed and got back together for a month and saw that it was all talk, no action. He didn't start calling me (he only texted and it was hit and miss), he still left me in the dark over half his life...nothing changed at all. Then we went through the break-up thing again...with me feeling bad all over again.

Talk is cheap!


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 10:18 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

His house is about to be foreclosed on and now suddenly he misses you?

Stop talking to him. It's OK to feel pity, but don't let him manipulate you. Do you really want this guy sponging off you when he loses his home?


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49468 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know. I ended up going to ic yesterday for help dealing w the guilt and to put things into perspective. I never would've let him move in if his house was foreclosed on. Would've been really awkward. Guess that tells me something too


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not understanding the FB thing.. Why would he not accept you? Is he seeing someone else and he was scared that you would put something on FB about you two?

Sounds fishy to me.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
tabitha95
♀ Member
Member # 22033
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even though he trying to play mind games with you. Do you feel some relief? I did when I finally ended things with someone who refused to be emotionally available to me. I was sad to be alone, but relieved since a future with him was going to be difficult.


BW (me) - 45
DS 14, DS 11
D-Day#1: Oct 30, 2008
D-Day#2: June 3, 2011 (same MOW) Separation: June 3, 2011
Divorce finalized: Feb 2012 (due to 6 month waiting period).

Posts: 3247 | Registered: Dec 2008
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 5:27 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent him a friend request and told him I sent it. After about a week of not accepting it I asked him why he hadnt accepted it yet. He said he hadn't been on it (I know it's on his phone) and then said he felt pressured. He said he was very private and nervous ab what I would post. He then said all of his local friends knew we were together anyways and his far away friends he didn't care about. Soooo didn't make sense to me! We ended up fighting about it and I later asked if he would accept if I resent it and he told me to go ahead. As someone else pointed out, he could've requested me!
That's the thing too. He likes to wait for me to make the first move.


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ughhh
Just got home and he had dropped by w flowers while I was at the gym w a card that says I will love you forever no matter what.
Omg the guilt.


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My daughter was here. She really likes him which makes it even more difficult.


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you know what emotional manipulation is?


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - I DIVORCED HIM, I'M FREE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBOJpIwF47Y

Posts: 9494 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I will love you forever no matter what.
Omg the guilt.

I call bollocks. Hold off on the guilt. If he is sincere in this declaration he should have no issue respecting your space so you can take 3 months of NC to focus on you.


Posts: 3334 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
tiredofit
♀ Member
Member # 26423
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good points...


Me: BS45 him: stbxh 45
2 dd's 16 and 12
Multiple DDs 7/09 - 9/21/10 same mow co-worker
Last DD 9/21/10 found love notes on computer I'm done, I'm free!!

Posts: 200 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: ny
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all I'd like to say that FakeBook is the BIGGEST pain in the ass to relationships I've ever seen (including mine). And I don't see why so many people use it as a tool to measure their relationships. Frankly I think it's somewhat shallow and insecure in ways.

Obviously there might be some deeper things going on here and I may be a little late to your game here. But there are people out there (I like to think of myself included) that just aren't the type that want to flaunt their relationships publicly on social media sights. Bash me all you want about it but you see many couples fake happiness on that sight. It drives me bananas. I can't tell you how embarrassed I was posting pictures of me and exWW on FakeBook out with friends with her arms around me, etc only to find out two months later she was having an affair. To some people FB is a version of PDA that some people aren't comfortable with. Stop using it as a measure of your relationships. I've had this talk with the gf and told her to accept my feelings about it or leave. I'm just more private like that.

[This message edited by SeanFLA at 10:57 AM, July 26th (Friday)]


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 4:26 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG this guy is a trainwreck. Run. Don't look back.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3296 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Lilypad
♀ Member
Member # 36399
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with Sparky. Run! He is manipulating you.

Don't let him get away with it.

He can only make you feel guilty if you let him. Don't give him that power.


“You can make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you blame others for those mistakes.” -John Wooden

Posts: 121 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 39
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