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User Topic: What If?
heyjules2012
♀ New Member
Member # 38349
What?  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are still in R but when we have had a heated arguments and I've said "if you don't like it, leave" he says no I bought this house before we were married so you'ld have to leave.

Do you think this is true? This scares me to no end! We have three children and I would never leave them!!

I just don't even know how to respond to that. He always says sorry after but it's been said a couple of times.


UGH...any advise?


BS(me)38 WH(him)38
D-Day 12/1/12
Together 15, married 11
Trying to R

Posts: 28 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: WI
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honestly, it depends on the state. Lawyer is the only solution. To set your mind at ease and give you some solid footing, please see one. Time to make the arguments "fair".

Not suggesting you look into D at all, but this kind of game is very damaging emotionally.

Strength

ETA If you are truly in R, so is your comment. Work through the problem together!

[This message edited by 5454real at 11:27 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whose name is on the title for the house? Who makes the mortgage payments? There are a lot more factors that go into who gets exclusive use of a home (if exclusive use is even granted) than simply who was there first. If you are seriously considering ending things, you need to speak with an attorney to find out what your rights are, and what you need to do.

There may be an option for one of you to buy the other out; there may be benefits or drawbacks to one of you leaving before exclusive use is granted; there may be effects on custody if one of you leaves the children to move out. A lot of it is state specific law.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13802 | Registered: Jul 2011
heyjules2012
♀ New Member
Member # 38349
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's in his sisters name becuase we co-own a townhouse (she on the other side). We have an attachment to the title saying he owns half of the property.
Years ago when we had issues with her and saught a lawyer for property disagreements, he (lawyer) did mention because I didn't sign contract (and we were married) my name shouldbe right next to hers on the title.
All that aside, I know I say mean hurtful things but damn don't mess with my stability! I need to feel safe!! I'm not the one who messed up here~


BS(me)38 WH(him)38
D-Day 12/1/12
Together 15, married 11
Trying to R

Posts: 28 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: WI
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, didn't mean to offend. I was questioning whether or not you really wanted him to leave during the arguments. You've got every right to vent and get pissed.

You're right, he caused this.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 2999 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
heartache101
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Simply having only your name on the title to an item does not make it individual property. The spouse named on the title does, however, have the right to manage and control that property. The law requires the titled spouse to treat the nontitled spouse fairly if the item is marital property.

Copied off internet wisbar.org


There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH didn't realize that since we've been married longer than ten years, the house is half his even though it is only my name on the title.


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 615 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
doggiemom12
Member
Member # 36041
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It all depends on the state you are in. My late ex bought the house before we were married but it was put into our trust so when we were getting divorced all the mortgage and improvement payments he made during the our 18 year marriage were community property and he had to buy me out of that amount.

See a lawyer first - you may be able to kick him out because you are the custodial parent. But you need to act before he does. Do it now.


White bird must fly or she will die . . .

Posts: 268 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: in divorce land
Topic Posts: 8

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