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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Afraid to return to school.
Justmiserable
♀ New Member
Member # 39388
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

During my husbands A, he casually mentioned my plans for school or work in the future. I've been a SAHM for years and I homeschool our youngest daughter. He swears that this comment had nothing to do with his thoughts on me supporting myself should he leave because he had no intention to, just that he thought I needed to work toward something. Yeah right.

I signed up for some classes online to finish my computer science degree. I was nervous about the programming class that I needed, but I found a free class on coursera that I could take before my paid classes began. I worked my butt off trying to grasp it and was so excited when things began to make sense. That's the day he dropped the bomb on me.

I ended up taking different classes when the paid classes started back up. I finished the quarter with good grades (no idea how since I could barely function). I then withdrew again to deal with panic attacks and major PTSD.

So I've recently started new meds and I'm feeling some better. My husband couldn't be more supportive and remorseful. I saw the same free programming class on coursera again and it starts next month. Should I try it or am I only asking for trigger city? It's affair season right now and I'm dealing with a lot. Should I wait another year until it rolls back around or am I just being a coward?


me-BS,FWS madhatter (36)
him-BS, FWS (39)
2 children 17 and 13
Married 13 years
Ow-(36)Stranger that he met on POF
D-day 10/03/2012
status: in recovery, NC with OW since shortly after DDay

Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2013
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No advice. Just sympathetic hugs.

~ from someone that just had to withdraw from a summer class because everything is just too much right now.

Here's to fall semester!


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do it. I was scared to start school back up again too. When I first started college almost 4 years ago my husband cheated on me for the second time. He had poor cooping skills and turned to a friend at work that turned sexual.

I had to take time off due to getting pregnant, breastfeeding, depression, PTSD, and anxiety attacks. I have felt great for over a year now. My friends and H have been pushing for me to go back. I finally realized that no matter what I do he is responsible for his actions, not me. I am following the plan that God has called on my life, not a plan full of fear as to what might happen.

I will be finishing 6 credit hours next week for the summer semester, and attending 14 credit hours in the fall. It is great. I love ever second I am in class. My life is moving forward again. I am no longer trapped by the infidelity monster that controlled my life for 5 years.

DO IT!!!!

[This message edited by Hearthache again at 9:38 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday)]


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
Justmiserable
♀ New Member
Member # 39388
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the advice. I've been avoiding soooo many things that trigger me and sometimes it feels like if I keep it up, it's gonna mean giving up everything I care about and locking myself inside.

Had a talk with my husband last night about how I was feeling. Hearing him say just how stupid his A was and how insignificant his AP was, does make me feel better. The OW really did a number on my mind by torturing me with her Pinterest posts after the A ended. It increased my rage and made me believe there was some big romance when in fact, it was just as sleazy and cliche as any other.

I've decided that I will try the coursera class since it is free and if it goes well, its time to return to school full time. It's beyond time that I start reclaiming a few things and at least I have Klonopin now if it gets rough.


me-BS,FWS madhatter (36)
him-BS, FWS (39)
2 children 17 and 13
Married 13 years
Ow-(36)Stranger that he met on POF
D-day 10/03/2012
status: in recovery, NC with OW since shortly after DDay

Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2013
karmahappens
♀ Member
Member # 35846
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The longer you let triggers control your life, the longer they will.

Face them, deal with them and get rid of them.

(((hugs))) you can so do this....


“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”
Anaïs Nin
Me: 45
Him: 47
Dday 8/2007
We have R'd

Posts: 3800 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: Massachusetts
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 5:21 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've decided that I will try the coursera class since it is free and if it goes well, its time to return to school full time.

That's great! Just a note - 'goes well' could include learning important things about yourself. It's not the grade that matters - it's whether or not the course prepares you for full-credit school.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10030 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
HUM1021
♂ Member
Member # 6222
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do it!


Me: BS 34
Her: WS 33
M 5 years
dday with 1st OM 4/30/04 EA/PA
dday with 2nd OM 12/11/04 EA/PA
on the reconciliation rollercoaster

Posts: 736 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Colorado
Justmiserable
♀ New Member
Member # 39388
Default  Posted: 9:04 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I made some major progress today. I discovered a computer science class on coursera that includes some programming. It's self paced so I was able to begin today and my 13 year old DD signed up and joined me. We had a lot of fun and finished week one in one day. She says that she'd like us to keep up the pace and tackle the upcoming Python programming class together. I love love love that kid so very much :-)


me-BS,FWS madhatter (36)
him-BS, FWS (39)
2 children 17 and 13
Married 13 years
Ow-(36)Stranger that he met on POF
D-day 10/03/2012
status: in recovery, NC with OW since shortly after DDay

Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2013
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huh? Your kid is going to help you with your homework????


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10030 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
Blobette
♀ Member
Member # 36519
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Go for it! Being able to feel good about something you're good at is so important in building your self-confidence. I also find that doing stuff like programming is so engrossing -- you look up and an hour has passed and you've hardly noticed. This is all great for your psyche and you'll feel so great for doing something for yourself. And besides, it sounds like it's a great bonding experience for you and DD!


BS (me): 50
WS: 50
Married: 26 yrs
Kids: 2
OW: Co-worker, 7 yr LTA
DD 8/1/2012, Working on R

Posts: 1057 | Registered: Aug 2012
HeartInADustpan
♀ Member
Member # 38341
Default  Posted: 1:26 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your post really resonates with me Jm. Next month I will be quitting my job I've had for 10 years and returning to school to pursue my dream. This will be the first time I've been unemployed since I was 15 years old. I'm scared to death too!!

GO FOR IT! We will make it.


Just call me Heart. :)
Reconciling
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything" ~Mark Twain

Posts: 379 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: St. Louis
Jennifer99
♀ Member
Member # 39551
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay JM! Good for you!

Hope you enjoy every minute of it!


Posts: 556 | Registered: Jun 2013
Hearthache again
♀ Member
Member # 28564
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WooHoo!! You did it.


Me-BS(32)
Him-WS(35)
Married-12 years together 13
Kids 4: 15, 12, 8, and 3
DDay#1 9-26-2008 Dday#2 4-26-2010
We have R!!! But I still hate the number 26!

This too shall pass
I edit a lot because that stupid box is so small!


Posts: 871 | Registered: May 2010 | From: Michigan
betrayed5years
♀ Member
Member # 37146
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just miserable...Do what you want to do. I know things I have to avoid...those that I did for years, but OW/WS took my Saturdays that I was selling my jewelry at a open market/bazaars. OW came to "visit" a neighbor---

I cannot do jewelry now...for several other reasons related to my WS and his LTA. WS has offered to go with me and has on 3 occasions but it is not worth the emotional triggers in my head and heart.

I choose to do something totally different my returning to a regular job. It was hard at first and threatening to WS but I am gaining my emotional stability---and financial security back.

You need to decide what you can handle when...we each have our own path and healing time with our triggers. Take care of yourself!!!


Posts: 102 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: Somewhere in USA
Justmiserable
♀ New Member
Member # 39388
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had to giggle at your comment sisoon. Actually, programming comes easier to children than adults just like learning a foreign language. My daughter is 13 and I've homeschooled her for five years. She's quite the little brainiac. We actually raced each other on a simple coding exercise yesterday and she beat me by over a minute. We both laughed and are having fun with it. I just needed something to make the class less triggery for me, since coding is exactly what I was working on when my husband sent me his email about his female "friend" last year. I also rearranged my home office, moved it to a different room, and painted the walls a nice new color. For some reason, just changing around my environment has helped with triggers as well.


me-BS,FWS madhatter (36)
him-BS, FWS (39)
2 children 17 and 13
Married 13 years
Ow-(36)Stranger that he met on POF
D-day 10/03/2012
status: in recovery, NC with OW since shortly after DDay

Posts: 36 | Registered: May 2013
BeyondBreaking
♀ Member
Member # 38020
Default  Posted: 1:31 PM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would try to go to school. Why?

A HUGE part of recovery is living for you. School benefits YOU, your life, and furthers your career/dreams. It shouldn't be about him at all. Don't even think about him. This is all about YOU, and you deserve it!

That's the way I looked at school when I went back after DD's dad and I broke up. It was something I was doing for me to improve my life- who the heck cares what he is doing? I don't need him!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!


I have been cheated on by 3 different men, and I have more DDays than anyone ever should. I am here, just trying to pickup the pieces.

At least the current man "only" cyber-cheated.

"Love means never having to say you're sorry."


Posts: 840 | Registered: Jan 2013
Topic Posts: 16

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