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User Topic: When the WS is into Prostitutes and/or Anonymous Encounters
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Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for new members

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Oct 2008
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Member # 33806
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Whatever makes yourself feel more grounded..The better you feel the more you can do and make decisions that impact your day to day life..
Whatever is in the big picture of your life (in your mind) will keep changing until you get him out of your life or decide to R....

Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite

Posts: 1179 | Registered: Nov 2011
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Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 2:39 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump again for new members.

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Oct 2008
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Member # 44284
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this. More info I needed.

Me: BGF 45
Him: WBF
DD#1 5/30/14
DD#2 6/7/14
DD#3 6/18/14
It looks like we are done 9/15/14.

Posts: 72 | Registered: Jul 2014
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Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 4:30 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for new members

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Oct 2008
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Member # 21377
Default  Posted: 5:34 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am not sure if this has been addressed, but I wanted to post it in case it helps someone who is going through this kind of infidelity and their circumstances are similar to mine.

My D day was five years into my marriage when a stripper/prostitute called me to tell me she was having an affair with my husband. My ex admitted it, and said she was the only one. Also, she was apparently blackmailing him! I was mortified and I made him leave the house. Went through his cell phone bills and sure enough, there were other strippers. He was carrying on with two to three strippers at any given time.

I went through all the records that he had handled and also discovered significant financial infidelity. Suffice it say, I knew that I did not want to stay in the marriage, even though he was acting remorseful and wanted to R. I was done. I was in survival mode at this point.

I also knew he couldn't have gone from the nice, decent guy he'd pretended to be to a lying, thieving, out-of-control sex addict overnight and I strongly suspected he'd brought his problem with him into the marriage and he had covered his tracks extremely well - until D day.

I then called his ex wife and asked her why they got divorced. She told me he had cheated on her over and over. He had told me that she was the cheater. I'd taken his word for it. My bad. I paid dearly for that.

Next day I saw an attorney and was told that since I had made significantly more money during our marriage than he did, I was looking at having to pay him alimony and give him part of my 401K in a divorce. We live in a no-fault state. Doesn't matter what he did. I decided to go a different route.

I filed for a legal annulment, based on fraud, and stated I never would have dated him, let alone married him had I known he had a history of sex addiction and serial cheating and that he'd lied to me about the reason for his first divorce. That was the fraud. The judge agreed that I had been defrauded and he granted a legal annulment. They hand out two to three legal annulments in my state each year, per my attorney.

I did not have to pay my ex anything and I kept my 401K. I at least was able to start over again and make a happy life for myself, free from the financial burden of paying him alimony and sharing my retirement savings.

My guess is that most people do not even know that this option is available, or they mistakenly think that annulments are only for very short-tern marriages. Laws on annulments vary by state, but if your situation is similar to mine, and you want out, talk to your lawyer. In my state, it is required that you do not live as a married couple after you discover the fraud. Another good reason to boot them out of the house on D day.

Posts: 1406 | Registered: Oct 2008
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Member # 44304
Default  Posted: 8:34 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, good for you! That is great advice. My H makes ten times as much as me so doesn't particularly help me, but I'm sure it will help a lot of others.

Me - 27 BS
Him - 26, SAWH
DS, 9 months
Married Aug 2013, together for 6 years prior
DDay- June 25th 2014
Countless backpage escorts in 1st year of marriage, pre-M affairs and flings (just finding out), web cam girls, you name it.

Posts: 160 | Registered: Jul 2014
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Member # 41655
Default  Posted: 6:01 AM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So pleased to have found this thread. I think it needs to be pinned somewhere. It's almost 21 months (yes, still counting, still hurting) since I found out about my WS use of prostitutes (a generation younger than me) first for massage followed by HJ and BJ then penetrative sex. All this over a period of more than 5 years. I am disgusted by the whole concept. Some days I still can't believe he did it,that I am in this situation that I never in my wildest dreams imagined. Some days I wonder whether I want to be with a man who could o what he did. I have been close to kicking him out on more than one occasion. There ares till times ( but less frequent now) when I wish I had, I'm still in the marriage because we've been together for 2/3 of our lives that's a lot of history to lose. I couldn't bear for our two daughters to know about it, I haven't talked to anyone except my IC and our MC about this - just couldn't do it. He seems to be trying really hard, but it took a long time for him to get to this point, TT, gaslighting - the lot. He still seems to harbour some delusions about the prostitutes ( that they were interested in him for example). Trying to build good memories / experiences post DDay, but doubt I will ever trust him completely. And am not sure that there will ever be a time when this doesn't hurt like hell,

Me: BS 59
WH: 60
Married 39 years
Together more than 40
Porn use known since 2005
DDay: 11.24.12 - found emails to prostitute,
Disclosure: TT for months. Still not sure whether I have it all.
DDay 2: 2.20 2014 phone, txt to same prostitute found

Posts: 138 | Registered: Dec 2013
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Member # 39001
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BS - 58
SAWH - 61 multiple encounters with prostitutes and other sex workers
Married 37 years
Dday - 2/19/13 - found the emails
He promised me Heaven then put me thru hell

Posts: 726 | Registered: Apr 2013
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Member # 44430
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just reread this post ...All the phases are so true gas lighting fog! Thank u I'm so glad I joined this site when I did!

Posts: 37 | Registered: Aug 2014
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Member # 32550
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, August 31st (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for new members.

BS 43, SAWH 38. M 15years, together 17. Body count in the triple digits. Both in recovery, trying to R.
Three kids under age 11.

Posts: 1473 | Registered: Jun 2011
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Member # 25560
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, September 2nd (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Damn autocorrect is responsible for the silly errors, sorry!

Posts: 3527 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: In my head
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