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Newest Member: Hurtbuthopeful35 (44302)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I can't do this.
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't forgive him. I can't. I just can't. I'm having such a bad night I want to crawl out of my skin. It's been 6+ weeks since d-day but all I keep feeling is that I am done and I can't forgive him ever. I know I'm supposed to wait to make any decisions but the only decision I keep coming to again and again and again is that this needs to end.

I am heartbroken for the life I thought I had and I am heartbroken x1000 for my young kids, who by the way know something is up and have asked why we are fighting so much and if we are getting divorced.

I can't take it anymore. Please please please help me find some relief from this pain.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Tripletrouble
♀ Member
Member # 39169
Default  Posted: 9:26 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((oldcow)))). I'm so sorry for your pain. It's so overwhelming at times it's hard to keep going. I have no advice, just lots of hugs and compassion. I hope tomorrow is a better day.


40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013

Be happy with what you have while you work for what you want - Hellen Keller


Posts: 617 | Registered: May 2013
Chloe1997
♀ New Member
Member # 39840
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this feel awful and just wanted to send love. My little one isn't old enough to verbalized but she sensed and acted out after all of the yelling and crying. It feels like crap and you are so not alone. I s there somewhere else for him to sleep in the house so you can have some space?


Me-34
WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Nyc
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you both for responding, it is so helpful to know I'm not alone, although I feel awful that we have this misery in common, if that makes sense.

Chloe, he's been sleeping downstairs in the family room since d-day, but his ability to lead a perfectly normal life while doing so is just a knife in my back. I actually think he enjoys being in his "man-cave", what an asshat!


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
PrincessPeach06
♀ Member
Member # 39588
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hugs))))

It's still early, the roller coaster of emotions is insane. I'm slowly learning. I'm so sorry. :(


Me (BS): 35
Him (fWS): 36
Married 16 years 6 kids ages 15-6
DDay #1 (EA) July '08
DDay #2 (EA/ONS- different OW) May 15, 2013

Finally this is R 8/14/13

"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey".


Posts: 299 | Registered: Jun 2013
Chloe1997
♀ New Member
Member # 39840
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Idiot! My emotionally stunted WH actually wants to remain in the bed but has no intention of committing to NC! um no! tonight I put his ass in the guest room where it will stay until he is ready to cut that whore off


Me-34
WH- 35
Married 7 years (together 16 yrs)
DD- toddler
D-Day June 23, 2013

Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Nyc
mchercheur
♀ Member
Member # 37735
Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((OldCow18)))
I know.
It will get better.
For me I had to decide if it was a dealbreaker for me, or if keeping the family together is more important. I am trying to hold this family together, but it is not easy.
Sending you hugs & strength. May it help you to know that there are others who are going tthru the same thing.


together 25 yrs, married 24 yrs, 4 children;Rebuilding
D Day: 5/10/2011 PA
OW: WH's co-worker,divorced, no children, 20 yrs younger than I-----& she knew he was married, had met our kids, but that did not stop her from trying to destroy our family

Posts: 1337 | Registered: Dec 2012
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My X used to do that: after an unresolved argument he'd just bop around like everything was fine and dandy, as if no argument existed. In effect he was dismissing my concerns, and if I raised the issue again - I was labeled miserable and negative. When he chose to do this after Dday... it was apparent that he equated his A with an argument over sharing household chores. It is infuriating! His expectation was that I should just let it go... No wonder you feel sick!

((OC18)) For some an A is simply a dealbreaker, and that is okay.


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 1:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You don't have to do it if you don't want to. Your children will adapt. living with him if you can't forgive him will eat YOU up inside. Ironically, if you divorce you may be more likely to forgive him (but not want to be in a romantic relationship with him anymore.)


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
Topic Posts: 9

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