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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hi, new to this forum
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truly believe this is where I'm headed. Just posting here is a bit of a milestone for me. I know it's early for me since d-day but this is something I feel deep in my heart. I feel the only right decision is to end this marriage. I know it's going to be a long journey, but he is a piece of garbage and I can't stand to look at him for another day.

Where do I start? How do I find a lawyer, what questions do I ask, what do I tell the kids? Any advice would be much appreciated.

BTW, feel like I'm going to


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
Faithful w/Love
♀ Member
Member # 33128
Default  Posted: 9:55 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HI,Welcome to this thread.
I have no advice as I have been at this for years and still have not pulled the plug just now getting close.
Call around to at least 3 different lawyers to get free consult.
Do not tell your kids if you are not going to go through with it.
Your babies are young so that would be so hard on them if you were not going to go through with it.
I am proud of you taking this step to be here.
Others with more experience will be along.
Big HUGS to you.
This all sucks and I am so sorry.


BS(ME)40 WH(HIM)38
DD 19 and DS 15
Separated Aug 2012
Moved back home Oct 31 2013
False R. Still Lying.
Will be divorcing soon!
"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have"!

Posts: 2661 | Registered: Aug 2011
OldCow18
♀ Member
Member # 39670
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you Faithful...and I agree that the kids should not be told of a possible divorce, but they have been asking why we are fighting so much lately and if we are divorcing. I don't know how to navigate their questions.


Me, BW forty something, DD & DS,
Married to WH (49) 11 years, together 16
D-Day 6.8.13

Posts: 620 | Registered: Jun 2013
nomistakeaboutit
♂ Member
Member # 36857
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi,

It sounds like you are ready to get a D. When that time arrives, it brings with it a lot. ...many emotions. ...some good, including the feeling of regaining some control over your life again.

When I reached that point, I asked someone that was involved in the court system who they would recommend as a good divorce attorney. I met with the person they recommended and was comfortable right away, so that part was pretty easy for me. I hope the same is true for you.

Ask the attorney where you start. They will guide you.

Telling the kids is the hardest part. I think you will need the custody and living arrangements finalized before you tell them. They will want to know, naturally, how this will effect them.

My kids are a little younger than yours. Here is what I chose to tell them. "I have something important to talk to you about right now. Let's come over to the kitchen. "First, and this is very important, you haven't done anything wrong, so what I'm going to tell you isn't about you. It's about mommy and daddy. Mommy and daddy don't love each other as husband and wife any more, but just love each other as friends. So, we can't be married any more. Mommy is going to live in her apartment. The two of you are going to continue to live here with me. You'll see mommy mostly on the weekends. But everything will stay the same for the three of us. You will stay here with me. That's what I wanted to tell you. You can ask me any questions you want to."

Yes, it's a heartbreaking talk, but I got through and they handled it just fine. It's been a year since the divorce was final, and the kids have done fine.

Good luck to you.


Me: BH 56.........Her: WW 43
DD: 6..........DS: 4
Married for six years.
DDay: 12-25-11 Divorced: 7-15-12
...................................
"It's like a nightmare within a nightmare, which in and of itself is a nightmare!"

Posts: 944 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: U.S.A.
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, July 23rd (Tuesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My kids were 6 and 9 at the time. If they are asking questions, they are imagining the worst possible things. Be honest even if honest is I don't know.

For what it is worth, was exactly how I felt for a long time...

It gets better.

As for a L... I think it is important to have a good one. How do you find a good one? Ask your friends. Ask. Nothing worse that being in the middle of this shit storm and be frustrated or let down by YOUR advocate.

(((hugs)))


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5816 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Topic Posts: 5

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