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New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: O L D - 'who pays'?
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Question  Posted: 7:51 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Been emailing off and on with some OLD guy for a few months. We have said about going out but it had never materialized due to schedules.

I emailed him to let him know I will have some rare 'kid-free' time this weekend if he is available.

He emailed back right away with a yes. Followed by "When & where".

I have no problems picking the place, etc. However, I am not sure if this is classified as me asking him out or what?

I will be prepared for ANY scenario financially....but should I offer to pick up the tab since I sorta asked? Assume dutch? What?

On a traditional first date, I always assume dutch (but most guys won't hear of it so I then counter with leaving the tip, etc).

SO should I automatically just take the check and announce, "I'll get this since I asked you?"

Thanks!


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 8:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Um.....I'm kinda old-fashioned in the sense where I doubt I would offer to pick up the WHOLE tab on the 1st date...even if I was the one who kinda got the date started. I would just assume dutch and if he offers to pick up the tab then I think that's sweet but since you asked him 1st, I would assume dutch.

I've been burned too many times by guys who are looking for a "sugar momma" of sorts and sperm donor always had excuses for not being able to take me out or pay for things.....and I'm not looking for a guy to do it all....but I'm still pretty traditional on a 1st date. If this guy is serious about you, I doubt he will let you pick up the whole tab. And, if he does.....it would concern me a little bit..... IMO.

[This message edited by She11ybeanz at 8:16 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WIth OLD, I always offered to go dutch. 90% of the time, the guy would just pay. Bring enough cash to cover you and/or the tip.

I would recommend not doing something too commital. Pick a place to grab a drink or a coffee. You may get along online, but not in real life. Pick a place that you can extend the date if you get along well and drop it if you don't.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:31 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 8:42 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

However, I never had a date where I spearheaded it but I was just needed some validation.

I just can't get a good read on this guy at all online. One email will be very personable....the next very cut and dry. Which he could just be busy in the 'cut & dry' ones. IDK....I figured I needed to meet him once to get a good feel of him(mentally - NOT physically).

So I am not having any of the normal 'first date' nerves...more like just interested to see how he comes across in person. I think he is pretty new at dipping his toes into the entire OLD thing too so I shall thread lightly.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 8:43 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
InnerLight
♀ Member
Member # 19946
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I don't like the guy after meeting him and I don't want to entertain any romantic ideas I would definitely pay my half.

If I am attracted to him I will feel more so if he picked up the tab as to me it's more romantic to be treated. In that case I don't jump to paying out of some idea about 'equality' or 'fairness' as that is a romance killer for me and defeats the purpose. I know everyone is different here and we all have to be realistic about what turns us on.

I would be prepared for both and I would also not go to dinner on a first date. Something small like coffee or a drink and appetizer so you can leave quickly and easily if he is annoying or boring. I also know that if a date goes on too long and I get tired I get more critical. So even if it is going well I will not allow a first date to go past an hour.


BS, age 53, d-day 6-2-08, divorced after 17 years and 20 together. Now I am living alone in the beautiful rural property that was once the dream retreat with X. It's taking a long time to create new dreams but despite some struggles I am mostly happy.

Posts: 5862 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Rural California
willowiris
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Member # 5372
Default  Posted: 7:28 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always offered to go dutch (and meant it) but have not had a single guy let me yet. Ditto with letting the tip, they are very much "absolutely not".

This is me. Finally, i just quit asking and let him pay. This is the south. Most men raised here know this is the tradition here. My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16. Great incentive for him to work!


D-day 09/2004
Filed for divorce 9/2006

We accept the love we think we deserve. "The Perks of Being a Wallflower."


Posts: 12326 | Registered: Sep 2004 | From: Margaritaville
Hope4TheFuture
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Member # 25382
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Even here in carpetbagger land (the north), men I've gone out with through OLD have paid on the first date. I always come prepared for Dutch, but I've never had one accept.

If I were to ask for the first date, I'd come prepared to pay for everything.

Hope4


Posts: 607 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: in the void
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:15 AM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My son even went out on a date and paid for the girl, and he's 16.

It is funny you said that. On one of my dates, I did my 'dutch' offer and they guy was all offended and said "Absolutely not....besides my mom would roll over in her grave! She did not raise me like that!!!"


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IMO, the first meetup off a OLD site is not a date. I see them more as interviews, and more often than not you never see the person again. I would not expect guys to be shelling out for drinks and stuff for a situation like that.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49482 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
CluelessGuy
♂ Member
Member # 28491
Default  Posted: 10:42 PM, July 25th (Thursday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The unwritten rule is that the guy always pays. If my date offered to pay, I would appreciate it but almost always decline. Even if she initiated contact and/or suggested the date. And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

As with InnerLight, the one time I agreed to split the bill was a date that couldn't end quickly enough.


BH - early 40s
XWW - early 40s
Two kids

D-Day - Easter 2010
D-Day 2 - July 18, 2010

Divorced - Nov. 26, 2012


Posts: 427 | Registered: May 2010
EvenKeel
♀ Member
Member # 24210
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And, yes, those of us north of the Mason-Dixon line have manners too.

It is funny that geograpics have been brought up a few times....wonder how it will play out. The OLD is from the south but moved here (north) last year.


Eyes are useless if the mind is blind.


Posts: 2181 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Pa
Topic Posts: 11

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