Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: madattheworld (45057)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Hispanic or Asian Women?
crushedheart09
♂ Member
Member # 28573
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where are they?

I think it would interesting to go out with woman of these backgrounds (and I am attracted to them) but they dont seem to be a lot of them on any of the OL dating sites.


M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, where do you live? In some areas of the country there are more of a particular ethnicity. I live in an urban area that's incredibly diverse.

However, I personally would find it off-putting if a guy said, "I've always wanted to date someone of your ethnicity, I thought it would be interesting..." It would make me feel... really objectified.

[This message edited by hurtbs at 8:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've tried three times to write a response to this, and while my intentions are good, in print it sounds racist -- against Anglos, to be honest.

So I'll just ask this: "Why are you only looking for them on O L D?" Ethnic events, food stores, you name it. There's a million places they congregate, just like any other ethnicity. Find their social circles. Start there.

But please, do NOT go wander through a cultural fair looking like you're trying to pick out the best basket of berries at a farmer's market. Holy no.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14040 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
GabyBaby
♀ Member
Member # 26928
Default  Posted: 8:48 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

However, I personally would find it off-putting if a guy said, "I've always wanted to date someone of your ethnicity, I thought it would be interesting..." It would make me feel... really objectified.
This.


Me - 40s
SorryInSac - WH#2 - 40s. DDay 7/12/14
Married 4, together 7yrs total
Status - ??

DD(21), DS(18, PDD-NOS)
6 Furkids - 4 dogs, 2 cats

WXH (serial cheater, 12+ OW)
Legally married 18yrs, together 16.5yrs

I edit often for clarity.


Posts: 6456 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: California
yewtree
♀ Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What is it about us that you are attracted to?
We are not "them" we are individuals.
Please don't lump us together.
I appreciate that you find a certain type of woman attractive, but your post makes it sound like you are looking for a particular breed of puppy.
It borders on being offensive.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4674 | Registered: Oct 2007
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It borders on being offensive.

I wouldn't even say borders.


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I don't see the issue with it. We all have our preferences....brown hair, green eyes, tall, short, big, small, etc...Why can't ethnicity or race be a preference as well?


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13769 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:04 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lieshurt, IMO saying you're attracted to dark hair, olive complexion would be a preference. Saying that you think it would be interesting to date an Asian or Hispanic woman presumes so much about who/what you think an entire massive subsection of the population is.

This is one of the better articles I've read on the topic, and I feel that she expresses it much more eloquently than I can.
http://www.thebolditalic.com/ChinHuaLu/stories/3180-why-yellow-fever-is-different-than-having-a-type-


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saying that you think it would be interesting to date an Asian or Hispanic woman presumes so much about who/what you think an entire massive subsection of the population is.

But couldn't it also be that you know nothing about a particular subsection, so you are trying to broaden your horizons by meeting them?

I completely understand that there are some people who have preconceived notions about a particular group, but it isn't always the case. I'm half Asian. I've had plenty of men tell me they love Asian women because of their beauty, most especially their eyes. I don't really find that to be offensive.

In a way, don't we all have preconceived notions when it comes to who we choose to date? I know we've seen people on here say they only want to date people with degrees (assuming a highler level of intelligence) or only skinny women (assuming a higher fitness level).

I just can't label crushedheart in a negative light because he wants to try something new and different from what he's used to.


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13769 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You and I disagree.

Edit because it sounded like I was using the royal we

[This message edited by Amazonia at 1:52 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13756 | Registered: Jul 2011
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My DS27 is very attracted to other ethnicities. He prefers them all over white women (we are white). I didn't find crushedheart09's remarks offensive. DS27 has dated many women of different races/ethnic backgrounds.

For whatever reason, DS finds those women more interesting and attractive. How else are you going to say that?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 1:45 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9710 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well if its about learning the cultures its one thing but if you are attracted to women of these backgrounds its something else. For hispanic women (I can only speak about what I relate to) try spanish dance clubs (depends where you live), food markets are good or even just diverse social areas. I could tell you a myriad of places to go if you were in my city but those are off the top of my head. Also this may sound racist but hispanic communities are close knit and although the younger generations are more open many families don't like dating outside their race. I had a hell of an argument with my dad growing up because I have never dated a hispanic man.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2755 | Registered: Oct 2012
TattoodChinaDoll
♀ Member
Member # 34602
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am half Chinese. I think this whole thing can go either way and would just need elaboration on crushedhearts part. It could just be a preference like tall or brunette. But saying it would be interesting does sound like you're expecting a Chinese woman to walk on your back in bare feet and giggle behind a fan. Maybe it wasn't the smoothest way to ask.


Me (BW): 32
WH: 33 TimeToManUp
Married: 11 years, together 16 years
3 daughters: 9, 5, 3, and and 2 angel babies (2013 and 2014)
D-Day: 12/21/2011
Confronted him: 12/22/2011


Posts: 1722 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that men with large penises are interesting and attractive. Everyone on OLD has that.

Seriously, I could care less about looks. While there has to be some attraction, I find that I can be attracted to a very wide variety of men.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7697 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Edit because it sounded like I was using the royal we

I understood what you meant


Choices, Chances, Changes.....You must make a Choice to take a Chance or your life will never Change.

Posts: 13769 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
crushedheart09
♂ Member
Member # 28573
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess my post was completly misunderstood.

I meant NOTHING racist or demeaning by the post, to anyone.

I am interested in meeting women of a different ethnic background. Nothing more or less.

Now I am reminded why I dont post here that much.....
Everyone assumes the worst about you.........

Jeez!

I am done with SI

[This message edited by crushedheart09 at 4:05 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


M 28 years
D 3/2011

Posts: 378 | Registered: May 2010
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't assume anything...I was serious when I said the distinction between culture and looks. You'd be looking for 2 very different types of women. And my warning about the family stuff was legit as well. I know your comment was not directed at me specifically but I'm sorry if I offended in any way.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"To be loyal to myself is to allow myself to grow and change, and challenge who I am and what I think."


Posts: 2755 | Registered: Oct 2012
torn2bits
♀ Member
Member # 28376
Default  Posted: 5:28 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crushed, there is no reason to leave SI. There are many opinions and unfortunately, its very hard to get tone and meaning across without body language.

Hispanic women are difnitely in dance clubs. It really does depend on your geographic area.

Good luck with that!


Me: 44/WH (SA): 49
M: 24 years 3 kids over 10 yrs old
EA/ PA Dec. 2009 -Divorce pending

Posts: 1240 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Midwest
persevere
♀ Member
Member # 31468
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

crushed, please don't leave SI - just different opinions, I understood where you were coming from.

I don't know if it's cultural (meaning area of country, not ethnicity) but my experience in my state, Texas, is that people have different attractions. I know many black and hispanic people who have preferences, and we all discuss and joke about it (I'm caucasion) all the time. It's simply not a big deal with the people I know, and I associate with a lot of people from different socio-economic backgrounds.

So, please stick around crushed....


Me: BW-44
Him: XWH-44
Together 9 yrs
DDays: 1/10/2011
Status: Divorced 4/27/11

Above all, be the heroine, not the victim. - Nora Ephron

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling


Posts: 4561 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Texas
SeanFLA
♂ Member
Member # 32380
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really think you can't win in today's society. If you say you don't like a certain ethnicity you get condemned...if you say you're attracted to a certain ethnicity you also get condemned.

My mother married a European immigrant because she found his Irish heritage and accent attractive. Women have dated me because they thought my heritage was cute. I've been dating a woman who is originally from Germany. There's never been a worry over "them" or discrimination. Heck her mom was actually a Hitler Youth when she was girl. She didn't know any different being raised in Nazi Germany. But she's a very nice lady. We are products of our environments. I've heard many women in my years say they like Brits or Scots because of their "hot" accents. I don't find it objectifies or discriminates them. Or is this because he's a man saying this and not a women? That's what I see in this conversation.

I believe the difference in people being attracted to one another is what makes the world go round and it makes it a much more tolerable place to live in. Just my two cents.


BS(me) 48
WW 46
1 son 14 yrs old
Married 18 yrs, together 21 yrs

"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." ~ Bob Marley


Posts: 1470 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: Zombie Land
Topic Posts: 32
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: New Beginnings Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.