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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

New Beginnings Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Open Relationship
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am with a guy that wants to have an open relationship girlfriend but i want to know should i stay or leave for good?
i don't want to get hurt

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:23 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do you want an open relationship?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NO

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Then there's your answer.

Nothing but hurt can come of this for you if you stay.

AJ's MOM


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Abbondad
♂ Member
Member # 37898
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please, please, DO NOT if you love each other and want your relationship to last. You will be playing with fire.

This is how my STBXWW's affair began, immediately once we started having a "sort of" open marriage. (Even though I now believe she inevitably would have had an affair.)


Divorced April Fool's Day 2014

Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
-Dune


Posts: 1627 | Registered: Dec 2012
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think you need to think long and hard about why you would even consider this if you so clearly don't want it.

Why don't you think you deserve the kind of love you want?
What's so different about this guy that you would consider lowering your standards for him?
Why would you choose something you don't want over the alternatives (i.e. being alone, taking the time to find the right person, etc.)?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

true alot my friends tells me the same things

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
She11ybeanz
♀ Member
Member # 27457
Default  Posted: 12:16 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do not agree to this. He is apparently a cake-eater and you need to show him the cake WALK and moonpie walk your way to the nearest exit sweetie!!!

NO NEW HURTS!!!! ((BIGHUGZ))


"Sometimes your knight in shining armor ...is just a douchebag in tin foil!!"

ME - BW - 35
HIM - XWH - 39
D day: November 15th, 2009
Married: 5 Years, together 8
Divorced: December 13th, 2010
New Beginning: Piper/8-3-12


Posts: 2724 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: Virginia
lostmommy
♀ Member
Member # 33440
Default  Posted: 12:24 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would absolutely never agree to being in an open relationship. Ever. If someone presented the idea to me I would end the relationship I was in with them immediately.


Me (BS): 32, Mommy to J: 2 1/2 Divorced: 4/10/13
Sometimes you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere, you find yourself

Posts: 485 | Registered: Sep 2011 | From: NY
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

should i wait to tell him in person or text him

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

how long have you been together?


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One Year finally a month ago he got divorce

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
hurtbs
♀ Member
Member # 10866
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A) You say you don't want an open relationship, so do not compromise it. You will get hurt.

B) The fact that he even broached this is a red flag that he is going to try to pursue an "open relationship" with or without your knowledge...

One Year finally a month ago he got divorce

ETA: wait... are you saying that you were the OW for the past year?

[This message edited by hurtbs at 1:31 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me BW Him XSAWH
DDays 2006, and then numerous more
Divorced 2012

"In life, unlike chess, the game continues after checkmate." - Asimov
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid


Posts: 15325 | Registered: Jun 2006
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ETA: wait... are you saying that you were the OW for the past year?
?????????


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9801 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
ajsmom
♀ Member
Member # 17460
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

'k, y'all.

Let classy answer so that she can be helped in Wayward if that's the case.


Fidelity isn't a feeling...it's a choice.

"Truth has no special time of its own. Its hour is now - always." - Albert Schweitzer
____________________________________________
Me: BW - Him: 200+ # tumor removed 7/09
DS - 31 - Yikes!


Posts: 21071 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: Been Through Hell...On My Way Back
Amazonia
♀ Member
Member # 32810
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW or not, I would end things with him in person after a year.

Check out http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. If your friends are telling you your boundaries need help and this post is an accurate assessment of them, this might be a good resource for you.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 1:42 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


"You yourself deserve your love and affection as much as anybody in the universe." -Buddha
"Let's face it, life is a crap shoot." -Sad in AZ

Posts: 13801 | Registered: Jul 2011
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

K i will tell him person

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
classy6179
♀ New Member
Member # 39938
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

the problem is he comes around each time stupid me comes around each and every time hoping this time is real.

Posts: 10 | Registered: Jul 2013
Crescita
♀ Member
Member # 32616
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Maybe Iím cold but I don't understand the necessity for a face to face in order to end a relationship. If the relationship didnít work, you donít need to play it right so that friendship can immediately ensue. Itís not going to happen. End it in whatever way is most comfortable for YOU. Be clear that you are done, erect strong boundaries, go NC, and get on with your healing.


ďHappiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.Ē ― Viktor E. Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

Posts: 3459 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: The Valley of the Sun
Topic Posts: 29
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