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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I've been robbed
♀ New Member
Member # 39913
Default  Posted: 11:17 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Returning after a long hiatus - I've been constrained by the return of my grand daughter who was away for a junior year abroad. This is the one I've raised, we raised, who has made a film about absence to honor her grandfather, written eloquently, and hasn't yet wept enough.
Though I may eventually reveal his betrayal to her, I've not been ready yet so collecting myself for posting thoughtfully has had to await the silence of the house after her return to college.
I recently found a thread on S.I.addressing the impact of "DDays" occuring years after betrayal. My husband's devotion to his mistress was enacted early, before we even knew each other, and the betrayal of our union continued through til the end of his life.
As I learn more I begin to wonder whether he compartmentalized other affairs, or other realms of dishonesty. There is evidence, not a whole lot,but enough, that this was so. It didn't diminish the good he did in his life, which was important and great but there is a taint of shame in his general tendency to find deceit easy.
His enjoyment of women in general didn't threaten me, I could honor his appreciation as a natural response. Trust. Mine. ruefully. except as he increasingly rejected me and became cruel. He was adept at turning everything around so that I was the one
"at fault".
Just want to say now that I've reread everything everyone has written and I truly cherish the wisdom and caring I have received.
Two "whammies" I've since received are (one)that my sons want me to supress my emotions about the betrayal and the infidelity. They want to preserve their good memories. They don't want to hear about it.
Also,(two) in the past 36 hours I've been diagnosed as a candidate for the cancer dance contest, twofold: breast and uterine. Feminine and sexual.Rejection. I believe it is mind-body and that the cancers, most likely began long ago, are very related to the whole deceit and dishonor and my own suppression and denial. So here's another reason to pay extra attention to your health now. It can end up being a physical manifestation of your agony.
I'm an example.

I think I'll be okay,as its early on. Very treatable.
I will keep you posted. We're all intersecting here at S.I. for this moment.
With gratitude for all you've given

ps. Am sleeeping a little better. (though drinking too much) Thank you.

La Posada

"Mourning is not forgetting. It is an undoing.
Every minute tie has to be untied, and something permanent
and valuable recovered and assimilated from the knot."
- Margery Allingham

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: New York State
♀ Member
Member # 35812
Default  Posted: 11:40 PM, September 13th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((hugs))) I'm so sorry. This cancer diagnosis on top of everything else must just be more pain that you have to shoulder. I wish that I was on the other coast to give you a heartfelt hug.

It's strange, isn't it, that some people can be so hideously ugly to individuals but love humanity and do amazing things for large groups of people who they never know. And vice versa people who can dismiss entire groups of people as being unworthy or inferior yet pick one or two "trees in the forest" to nurture and support.

Yet they can not nurture the one person that they vow, before God, to put above all others.

I hope that you have support to face your fight with cancer. That one hits hard to me as well. My MIL died of breast cancer over a year ago. My SIL, her eldest daughter is in a hospital tonight having just undergone surgery. And my FWH is scheduled for a biopsy of his prostrate gland in a couple of weeks his father passed because of a fast growing prostrate cancer. Cancer is on my mind these days as well. You do not know how happy I am to hear that yours seems to be very treatable. I will be adding you to my prayers as well. (((hugs)))

Imagine a ship trying to set sail while towing an anchor. Cutting free is not a gift to the anchor. You must release that burden, not because the anchor is worthy, but because the ship is.

D-Day, June 10, 2012

Posts: 4935 | Registered: Jun 2012 | From: So California
♀ Member
Member # 11185
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear Juanita,

I am so sorry to hear about your health issues. As another woman of a "certain age" and a cancer survivor, I commend you for the positivity you show for your recovery.

I'm sending you healing thoughts and look forward to your post announcing that you are healed, physically and spiritually.


BW -- 57
Divorced 2001
Re-married 2014--on what would have been our 35th anniversary

Posts: 427 | Registered: Jul 2006 | From: NC
♀ Member
Member # 26465
Default  Posted: 3:10 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Big hugs doll!
Damn you vould mot get just one "C" huh?
You keep us posted on your health too!
I am sorry your children are of no help in regards to your spouses affair.
I hope they can be there for you for your health.

There are degrees to which you let people back into your life and degrees to which you let them back into your heart-which, of course, are not the same thing

Posts: 3188 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Indiana
New Member
Member # 35951
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, September 14th (Saturday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Juanita, I am so sorry to hear about this cancer diagnosis. Please take care of yourself. I hope your family is supportive. I hope you have good friends to spend time with.
I hate it when the universe just seems to pile on a person. Please do what it takes to put yourself first.

"The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close up" -Chuck Palahniuk

Posts: 33 | Registered: Jun 2012
Topic Posts: 45
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