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Feeling Lost

CJrose2012 posted 7/24/2013 12:58 PM

I've been married for a year and 1/2. In January we moved into our own place and things were going pretty well. My H told me at the end of May that he had been sleeping with our neighbor 3 doors down from us and that it started May 1st while I was at the hospital helping my sister through delivering her son. The more he told me the angrier I got. He told me that he told her he loved her and they only slept together 6 times. The first thing is he didn't use any protection her her, and he claims that he thought I wanted a divorce so he was seeing her. I'm still with him, but I feel so alone an lost all of the time. I don't have anyone I can talk to here, so I just got my doctor to increase my depression medication. However, it doesn't help the fact that I don't feel like I truly love him anymore. I know I love him, but am I "in love" with him? I don't know. He knows about my ex H and everything I went through to get away from him and then he turns around and hurts me worse than my ex ever did :( What can I do?

nicknjen06 posted 7/24/2013 13:14 PM

My husband cheated on me with our neighbor also. He told her I make him miserable and he was planning on divorcing me. I know it's hard not being able to talk to anyone. My anxiety has been so high I had to see the doctor because I can't even function. I feel so conflicted too

CJrose2012 posted 7/24/2013 13:19 PM

He tells me that it didn't even feel like himself doing it. He told me that what they did was completely opposite from what we do and what he tells me that he likes. I keep asking myself what happened, but I can't find a reason. Probably because there isn't one. All I want to do is cry or leave, but I have 2 small children and I can't just stop being their mommy :(

nicknjen06 posted 7/24/2013 13:26 PM

I have 2 children also- 1 and 7. You're still in a state of shock, like myself, so you really can't make a rash decision as to whether you should stay or go. You need to wait until you're out of the fog and then decide what's best for you and the kids. For me, mI feel like we haven't exhausted all options yet, so until we do I am committed to healing.

difficulttoforge posted 7/24/2013 13:33 PM

My situation is totally different. My problem started over 30 years ago and now it is coming back to haunt me on a constant basis. I felt my wife had an affair, but I could never prove it absolutely. There were so many signs that pointed to the affair but not 100%. We separated initally for a period of 30 days and then over the Christmas holidays for 30 days. I caught her intimate with him twice and at his house twice (they were not having sex but they were being intimate). For the sake of the kids I just let her come back. Now keep in mind this was 30 years ago but on the anniversary date of these incidents, it comes back in full force and as vivid as if it happened yesterday. And when I dwell on it and take all the little warning signs and delve deeply into the evidence like peeling back an onion, other things come into play that simply don't add up and then I find myself saying, "wait a minute, if this happened then that had to happen" and then I piece all the little pieces together, which I did not do 30 years ago, and it is like a puzzle. All of a sudden it paints a picture I didn't take into consideration and then I get angry and hurt all over again. I wish I could just put it behind me but I can't.

CJrose2012 posted 7/24/2013 13:34 PM

My H is the step parent and as bad as it is to think, sometimes I feel that he has no ties and therefore I should just leave and save myself and the kids heartache. He has cried, begged, pleaded, and everything saying he wants nothing more to do with her and he wants us to work, but what make mad is that I asked him on several occasions if he was sleeping with her, because he had begun spending a lot of time over at her house with her and her H. He lied to me every time saying nothing was going on. Come to find out I had the right feelings the whole time. I feel so betrayed and hurt. I wish I could just lock all the feelings away in a box and throw it in the ocean

CJrose2012 posted 7/24/2013 13:41 PM

I just don't get how we've only been married a year and 1/2 and already he's walked away from us. If I stop and think about it, the pain is too much for me to bear so I just push it all to the side and try not to think at all. I don't think counseling will help, because I just can't get past this.

difficulttoforge posted 7/24/2013 14:17 PM

To CJrose2012. Take it for what it is worth, but if you have only been married 1.5 years and he has already cheated 6 times that he is "telling" you, then the behavior is one that he was doing this before and in all likelyhood will do it in the future. This kind of behavior does not change. Pick yourself up, take your kids and move on with your life and provide a lifestyle for you and the kids. I see the amount of entries you have made and it is apparent it is tearing you apart. What guys like this don't take into consideratin is that besides having no respect for you he had absolutely no respect for the husband of the woman he cheated with. In other words it is all about him.

LostSoulss posted 7/24/2013 15:08 PM

I believe I understand how you're feeling to some extent. I confronted my WS in May. I feel lost and completely adrift. I haven't told any of my friends and family anything and am struggling to make any decisons or move forward. To say I am devastated is an understatement.

CJrose2012 posted 10/11/2014 20:35 PM

It's been over a year and I find myself thinking about his betrayal more than I should. We fight and argue still. He says it's been long enough, that I need to let it go, but what's the limit on grieving I ask? If it's been over a year, am I supposed to let it go and move on? How do you do that? How do you live with your betrayer and try to work on things, but you cannot talk about how you feel or what you think about his mistake? I need some advice please :(

jrzeegirl posted 10/11/2014 20:51 PM

Have you been tested for STD's? If not please do.
I agree with difficulttoforge. In 18 months he has cheated 6X that you know. He could be lying about that too.
You don't want your kids to think that this is normal for a marriage do you? You need to think of them and yourself. Even when they are small they should not have to be a part of this situation, nor should you.
Is he remorseful?
Take time and do what you think is right for you and your kids.
Keep coming here. We are here to support you.

CJrose2012 posted 10/11/2014 20:59 PM

Yes, I was tested. It was a condition upon us being able to move forward. He was extremely remorseful in the beginning and I do believe he feels terrible about it and maybe that's why he doesn't want to talk about it anymore. There are just things that have come to light that hurt even more now. My girls love him very much and he is the only father they've ever known. He can be a bit hard on them sometimes, but I know he loves them just as much! We even had him officially adopt them since the bio-dad walked out. I just wish he could understand that I NEED to talk about how I feel and what I think to even try and move on. I cannot just drop it like it never happened. Am I being unreasonable?

CJrose2012 posted 10/11/2014 21:02 PM

The 6 times was only in that 1 month of May 2013. He has not seen, spoken to, or wants anything to do with the other woman. He also does nothing without letting me know especially if he's going to be later than normal. He doesn't go anywhere without me (by choice) and tries spending time with me when he can after work or on his days off. I know in my heart he is not cheating. It's actually not even possible with his schedule. I don't know what I should do...

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