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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Affair with Neighbor
nicknjen06
♀ New Member
Member # 39976
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Dday was June 16th- the day before my birthday, wonderful! I caught him IN bed with our next door neighbor whom we have a close friendship with because our 7 yr old sons are best friends. I immediately contemplated divorce, but he was extremely remorseful and said he wanted us to work things out and find that "spark" that made us fall in love in the first place. I decided to work things out. The next week I found text messages where he said he missed her and loved her and found out he had actually spent the day on our boat with her. I was devastated. He promised to go to counseling and said the only reason he saw her was to tell it was over and he loved me. Well, last week I discovered he has been emailing her back and forth this whole month saying things like "I'm lonely" "I dream about you every night". This was the day after him and i had gone to counseling. He also joked with her about us going to counseling. I'm not sure why I still want to stay- we have 2 kids 1 and 7. The hardest part is I see her EVERY day because she is our neighbor. I have so much anger towards her. I don't even like being home. It's so hard being so close to her. He has since confessed that there are 5 women total and he is in love with our neighbor. I never thought it was possible to be in this much pain.

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013
SoVerySadNow
♀ Member
Member # 36711
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If neighbor has a husband, I'd let him know. Stopping this from two sides seems to work better.
NC needs to be put into place.
Read up on the 180 in the library here.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this.


Me:BW
Him:WH
D-day(s),after years of TT and Gaslighting was Labor Day Weekend 2012, continuing for a week after. *Dammit! More TT 3/9/13
Really trending toward D- planning about it is my "happy place" now.

Posts: 1292 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Sunny Florida
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((())))

I'm so sorry for your incredibly difficult situation.

Are you in position to throw his ass to the curb?

If he cannot go nc then there is no point in the couseling together.

go for yourself. build your self stronger.

He sounds like he is in the fog, you'll have to lie downt the law to him. set boundries. they sometimes take time to come out of the fog and its all the more painful for us.

step back, take care of YOU and the BABIES.

that's all you need to worry about now.

keep coming here, we'll help you find answers.

hugs


Posts: 617 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
nicknjen06
♀ New Member
Member # 39976
Helpless  Posted: 1:18 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The neighbor is a widow. I texted her what I thought of her and basically she said that he is manipulating ME and told her he doesn't love ME. It seems as though it's stopped for good, but being so close that temptation is always there..

Posts: 4 | Registered: Jul 2013
Josephine01
♀ Member
Member # 38511
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know why you want to stay, I've been there, still somewhat in limbo. It's a empty and lonely place to be.

I wish I would have handled my situation better. Over a year from D-day and three years since it all began. I did a lot of rug sweeping and I am no better off for it. I am sorry but he is not remorseful. But if you implement the 180 now he may wake up and become so. Many times the unremorseful WS will just tell you what you want to hear to make you feel better (my H) and do what they want anyway. You need to let him know that you are serious and will have this no more or it doesn't sound like he will stop. He he thinks he may lose you then he may begin to work to keep you.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and that the OW is your neighbor and an
xf.

Take care of yourself,


Me, 42 BS
H, 61 WH
2 boys 19 and 15 years old
Married 24 years

Posts: 314 | Registered: Feb 2013
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Honey, I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this nightmare.

First off, honey, he's not remorseful, not at all, he's in damage control because he got caught. He wants a wife and a girlfriend. His words are just that, words, his actions tell the real story, he's still contacting her. You can bet at the first chance, he'll see her again, and not just over the fence.

I'm going to bump Katherine41 post of "20/20 hindsight, what I wish I'd done". Please look for it and read it, so much wisdom there. Read it and implement it, save yourself from further pain.

Knowing what you know about his continued contact with the OW, can you get him to move out for a while, to allow you space to think about your future?

If she has a BH, please, tell him immediately, now, today. Don't tell either your WS or the OW that you're going to, just do it. He has a right to know what's going on in his marriage too.

Don't think you are harming another family, that was already done by your WS and the OW, you're just taking care of business, managing the consequences.

Please, find and read the 180, read it, live it, it's designed to make you stronger and better able to make decisions for your future. It's in the healing library, top left hand corner of the page, if your marriage is to have any chance of surviving, you have to control the outcome from here on. This is all about you now honey.

Hugs honey, lots of hugs, you must be in so much pain.



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1241 | Registered: Apr 2009
Lalagirl
♀ Member
Member # 14576
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, July 24th (Wednesday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Put his shit in Hefty bags and put them on OW's porch. Let her have the "prize" - watch her throw his ass under the bus.

Hugs honey - I know that sounds harsh, but they are living in fantasyland. No real-life issues. Give them a "chance" to find out how green that grass is.

[This message edited by Lalagirl at 2:20 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]


Me - 49; FWH - 51
Married 31 years 9/2/14
2 grown daughters-30 & 27
5yo GS,22 mo.& 2 mo. GD (DD30) and 2.5 yo GD(DD27). D-day #1 - 1/06; D-day #2 - 3/07
Reconciled! Construction Complete.

Posts: 5079 | Registered: May 2007
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh also had an affair with the neighbor.She was friendly with my dd6 all the while she knew what she was doing to her family I still want to have 5 minutes alone with that bitch! Anyway, he left me for her and she moved out.it was so hard at first but I know now they deserve each other..he is a liar and a cheat and has cheated on every woman he has ever been with.He will leave her too.But thats her problem now.In the begining he also stated he was done with her..that lasted one day.If he is not going no contact with her then counseling isnt going to work! Get strong! Take care of you and your babies!Set boundries.I know how hard it is living so close..everytime I saw her I wanted to punch her in the face!

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, July 26th (Friday), 2013View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He has since confessed that there are 5 women total and he is in love with our neighbor.

Oh my, and the hits keep coming.

Being realistic, your neighbor is only one of many problems your husband has visited on your marriage. He seems to be on a crash course of bad behavior. And with this latest mess, he's ensured that you can't even feel safe or comfortable in your own home, anymore. Shame on him. I'm so very sorry.

Someone who's gone to these lengths clearly isn't feeling remorseful at all. He's just sorry he got caught and his playtime has come to an abupt halt.

Serial cheaters like him just want the wife and 2.5 kids at home gathering around the family hearth awaiting his return while he's out going hog wild with any woman who'll have him. And his justification for that is "the spark is missing." The crappiest part about that is that he really feels he was justified in what he did.

That's why his crocodile tears are just that - phony tears designed to make you think he's remorseful.

I too, think the 180 at this moment is your best bet. It's designed to enable YOU to find your strength and get some direction, and it's sorely needed for YOUR benefit, right now.

It sounds like both the neighbor and your husband are self-entitled jerks and see nothing wrong with their selfish behavior or how they've completely betrayed and devastated you.

Shame on both of them.


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1818 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 9

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