There are lots of great people here who can help you get through this tough time.
Please know that this is a safe place filled with wonderful and caring people who have survived the devastation of infidelity.
There is no way to prepare you for the hurt the despair. It is indescribable unless you go through it.
Write and post often. It will help to vent if nothing else.
Your hurt and dismay is completely understandable. It's normal as much as it hurts.
Please know that the affair is your wife's to own. Her choice, her decision. Regardless of what is going on in the marriage there is NO excuse to cheat. Ever.
Please make your way to the Healing Library at the upper left hand corner. Read, read and read. Knowledge is comfort and power.
My other suggestion is get into IC as fast as you can. You will need help wrapping your head around all of this and navigating the waters moving forward. IC can be a tremendous help.
How is your wife responding to you since you caught her? Any remorse?
Sending healing hugs and prayers your way.
Sorry to hear about what you are going through right now, it is the toughest thing, I just had the similar experience, we can not describe in words the pain and the hurt it caused us.
However we will never figure out why, all we can do is to care for ourself, at this moment our spouses won't care what our feelings are.
But you can go through this and when the time comes you can look back be proud that she does not deserve a good man like you.
This is a great places you can get great advice and support!
[This message edited by Blackhair at 10:58 PM, July 24th (Wednesday)]
I am so very glad you did not follow through on that impulse and that you are here with us now.
If you are having thoughts of suicide or harming yourself, please reach out for help. It is a sign of strength, not weakness, to seek out help in a crisis. I know you are strong just based on you finding us and posting your story. There are so many people ready and willing to support you.
The Veteran's crisis line: 1 (800) 273 8255
National suicide prevention: 1-800-273-8255
Your wife has made choices through your entire relationship that fly in the face of what your commitment and marriage vows mean. Those choices do NOT reflect on you - they are solely about her and her own damage.
I'm sending you strength and comfort in the certainty that you are NOT broken beyond repair, honey. No matter what the future holds, you can and will survive this, find your happiness, and thrive. It truly will happen.
But for now? You need to focus on taking care of yourself. You have suffered a trauma - treat yourself accordingly.
“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.”
― Pema Chödrön