Bobbie sue - Each situation is unique, and we aren't all going to agree.
What's the point of an NC letter? No contact. Sharing you thoughts and feelings of the AP in an NC letter gives the AP more credit than they are worth. Will it hurt them? Maybe, but who cares? There is nothing that can be done to make up for what has been done to the BS. Or rather, there is nothing that can be done that will erase the pain. And I think there are plenty of AP's out there who would get off on knowing how they've screwed up someone so bad that this person has to respond, even if it is letting them know how little you think of them or how bad of a person they are. It can be done hatefully, or it can be done in a way that shows that what the AP did will not ruin the BS or the M. I get that some people will take that option. It can show solidarity.
Here's my situation...the AP went NC with me. No lead up, no long good-bye, no warning. She poofed. While I don't think the AP's BH gave a shit about me in the first place, I imagine that he may have received some comfort knowing how fucked up I became after the NC went in place. That NC was in place a couple years before I came to SI, and that is the period when I almost lost my wife and family. Being a WS/AP still in the fog, not knowing what the hell happened, it was hell. Should I have been there in the first place? No. But I was. Should it matter now? Well, no, not really. But that simple poof took years for me to recover from.
So, what's going to inflict more damage on the AP? Poofing or giving them a piece of your mind? That's your call to make. I do believe that the BS should be the one to make that decision. I just know what was worse on me.
It's still okay to disagree.
end slight t/j